My mind at the moment is filled with choas and drama triggered by different things. Pressure at work, negative emotions released by people, moments where life throws a curveball at you, not getting the results I desire in my life. It feels like there are a thousand thoughts going on in my head all at once. Enough thoughts to make Khoi one year ago breakdown. All this going on inside my head is nothing new though I can say my perception now is.
The last few weeks I've had a lot thrown at me all at once but as a result of my inner process work I've been doing, I have become more aware of the drama that goes on in my head and why it happens. I have been doing the Presence Process which has helped me connect with my emotional self. It has helped me to understand that the emotions I experience aren't as a direct result of the present moment but a reflection of my past. In knowing this it has allowed me to handle different situations more effectively. Though there are still moments where I am emotionally affected by certain events, I can always look at those moments and understand where and why I am experiencing those emotions.
I have also been able to observe impulsive and addictive behaviours I've had in the past, where it comes from and why I still continue to do them today. At first I would recognise act impulsively and not recognise the consequences till it was too late. Now I find myself being able to stop myself before I illicit an impulsive behaviour or at least get out before it's too late.
The last few weeks the drama going on in my head has been intensified. I have made some changes that internally my mind is not used to or familiar with. I have cleared up a lot of time by imposing a self ban on myself on the Melbourne Lair. In recent times I've spent way too much time on it. As well as that I have cut down the amount of time I spend on Facebook. As a direct result of having more time on my hands I find my thoughts have been firing off trying to pull me back into old habits. I feel if I hang on long enough, my mind will find a diversion which is more productive and adds value to my life.
Along with drugs, alcohol, junk food and impulsive shopping, I find the Melbourne Lair and Facebook have been avenues to sedate drama and pain which I experience internally. When these avenues have been taken away the drama has intensified wanting to pull me back as it feels safe.
I have hung on for dear life and in the last few weeks I have managed to divert drama into learning the guitar and reading a hell of a lot. The last couple of months I can say I've read more books in this short timeframe than I have read in my entire lifetime. I feel like my capacity to learn is off the charts and I feel like it can only get better.
Again, I still have moments where I snap back to old Khoi but fortunately for me the results from being in a bad state don't affect me immediately and I am better equipped to stand back and re-adjust so that I don't sabbotage myself.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
For sale
For sale is my beloved 1991 2 door BMW 325i, rare manual transmission. The car has driver side panel damage and has been quoted at $1900 to repair.
I am selling the car as is. Car still drives well. I am selling due to moving out to the city and no longer need a car to drive.
Car is equipped with 18" E46 M3 rims and full M3 bodykit.
This car is a great for those looking for a cruiser with a little power when they need it.
I am selling the car as is. Car still drives well. I am selling due to moving out to the city and no longer need a car to drive.
Car is equipped with 18" E46 M3 rims and full M3 bodykit.
This car is a great for those looking for a cruiser with a little power when they need it.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Learning the guitar...the hard way :)
I was drunk one night and me and mate of mine were talking about wanting to play musical instruments. As we talked more and more about it, the impulse to buy one got bigger and bigger. When I got home that night, I jumped onto ebay to buy one. I had to wait a few days for it to arrive. During the time I struggled to keep my focus. In the days between I download videos of guitarist like Santana and it made the excitement of getting my guitar much more intense. The anticipation was killing me.
Finally the day comes and I get my guitar. With all the excitement in the world. I pull it out of the packaging and wanting to practice right away. First things first, I had to tune the guitar so I can get ready to play it. So I tune the guitar with the assistance of an electronic tuner. I had a lot of trouble fine tuning to get the strings in tune. Then came the last string. I had trouble getting it right. I thought the string was way too loose so I kept tightening it and I couldn't get the string in tune. I get tightening and tightening and still nothing. Then... SNAP! Ahhhh! My guitar. Before I even have a chance to play it I snap the string.
Luckily the guitar came with spares. I jump onto youtube and find videos on how to restring guitars. Luckily for my the guitar came with spare strings but I didn't have any tools to put them in. So I run around the city looking for a screwdriver and plyers to put a new string on my guitar. It took me a while to get this all sorted but I got there. Now! Time to play.
I have never played a musical instrument in my life. I high school I failed music miserably so I just figured I was never made out to be a musician. Not knowing where to start I look to the Internet to help me get started...like I do with everything else :)
I've managed to find a few basic lessons on the web and have learned basic chords and finger exercises to condition my fingers to play effectively. It's been a week now and I still suck. I have trouble transitioning between chords and sometimes the finger exercises get me frustrated.
However, I'm still motivated to learn this motherfucker. I have visions of serenading a harem of ladies to the sweet, sensual and sultry tunes then ripping their clothes off and fucking them like a rock star. And there is of course the idea of busking for a living like Isaac.
Which reminds me of this:
Finally the day comes and I get my guitar. With all the excitement in the world. I pull it out of the packaging and wanting to practice right away. First things first, I had to tune the guitar so I can get ready to play it. So I tune the guitar with the assistance of an electronic tuner. I had a lot of trouble fine tuning to get the strings in tune. Then came the last string. I had trouble getting it right. I thought the string was way too loose so I kept tightening it and I couldn't get the string in tune. I get tightening and tightening and still nothing. Then... SNAP! Ahhhh! My guitar. Before I even have a chance to play it I snap the string.
Luckily the guitar came with spares. I jump onto youtube and find videos on how to restring guitars. Luckily for my the guitar came with spare strings but I didn't have any tools to put them in. So I run around the city looking for a screwdriver and plyers to put a new string on my guitar. It took me a while to get this all sorted but I got there. Now! Time to play.
I have never played a musical instrument in my life. I high school I failed music miserably so I just figured I was never made out to be a musician. Not knowing where to start I look to the Internet to help me get started...like I do with everything else :)
I've managed to find a few basic lessons on the web and have learned basic chords and finger exercises to condition my fingers to play effectively. It's been a week now and I still suck. I have trouble transitioning between chords and sometimes the finger exercises get me frustrated.
However, I'm still motivated to learn this motherfucker. I have visions of serenading a harem of ladies to the sweet, sensual and sultry tunes then ripping their clothes off and fucking them like a rock star. And there is of course the idea of busking for a living like Isaac.
Which reminds me of this:
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Some of my current thoughts
Productivity
I have decided to cut myself off from Facebook, the Melbourne Lair and amateur porn for a while. They're things I have spent a lot of my time on recently which do not add value to myself or others. While I does allow me to keep in touch with people it has also taken away time for me to do the things which are important to me.
I have taken on board a few new interests and new objectives recently and I feel I am not giving the time necessary to get the most out of the experience.
Be ready to receive
In recent times I have felt that I was having problems with closing and I have been working on becoming more aggressive and going for what I want. While I have been a lot more aggressive and have been taking things one step further, I am still not reaching my desired outcomes. I have written a list of times where I pulled the trigger whether I screwed up or not. From that list I came up with more than 50 reference experience in the past year to validate my belief that I do go for what I want. For the average guy, they would be lucky to at least have a shot 5 times with a woman. So is closing really the issue?
I recently read "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T Harv Eker which goes into the inner game of money. How our spending and monetary habits are cultivated by our "Money Blueprint" as a result our experiences with money from our upbringing. While this book is focused on money, I feel a lot of the concepts can be carried over to other areas of our life, especially women.
One of the principles which dropped a penny for me was "Rich people are excellent receivers. Poor people are poor receivers." From a young age, I was made to feel guilty about receiving things. Whether it was presents, money, clothing. For example, my sisters would have a go at me when I was given money from my parents or my grandparents. They would say things like "mum and dad work their ass off for that money and you shouldn't take it." I felt this guilt recently when my grandma gave me $100 out of the blue. Now you're thinking "cool, $100! Fuck yeah!" I'm thinking "I can't take this. She's old and helpless. She won't be able to take care of herself."
There was a time I saw a $50 note on the ground and thought to myself "what if people see me? Then they'll think I'm cheap."
I have known to give and lend out money. I don't have any trouble in helping others out whether it's giving out advice, having your back in a fight, helping you get the girl home. Where I've fallen short is being a good receiver. In money, women, friends, jobs, life experiences...everything!
Back to the topic on women. I have been on dates with high quality women. The type of women I would want to marry. Now time and time again it has started with approach, date then...nothing! When I look back to my old journal posts I write that I didn't have the balls to make a move. That may have been the case at the time. What I should also mention was that I didn't feel like I could keep up with these kind of women.
Now my reference experiences when it comes to closing demonstrate that I do go for what I want but I feel that I have not been prepared to receive what I have been asking for.
I have noticed when I offer something to someone and they reject, there tends to be an elicited micro-behaviour or feelings of disrespect. Now while I know in my heart that this is not personal, I still have these feelings. Which brings me to my experiences with women in that past year. I have gone out of my way to approach her, tell her she's beautiful, take her out on a date, have a pleasant conversation and leave with a kiss on a cheek. Women have been giving me pussy on a plate and I have turned them down. There has to be an undercurrent of disrespect here. Of course, she isn't thinking this on a conscious level but on a deeper level this is what she must be feeling.
As I came across this concept of being a receiver, I had a flush of visions of the times women were putting themselves out there only for me to turn it down. Which makes me think I have come to this community to have enjoyable experiences with women and instead I have been disrespectful in turning them down.
I have been screaming to the universe to give me what I want. It's delivered and yet I have not been there to receive it. The universe must be thinking "dude! Make up your mind! What the fuck do you want?"
Focus and Creativity
Martial arts has been my outlet physically and creatively. It has also been a place where focus and discipline have cultivated but in recent times they have been all over the place. While I am injured at the moment I am physically limited to how hard I can push myself and explore my boundaries.
I have just bought myself a guitar. I feel like once I get past the tough part of learning to play it, it will be a great source of joy. I must admit as I have been practicing I have has times of restlessness and frustration but I feel in the end it will all be worth it. I have been watching videos of my favourite bands and artists such as Live, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, U2... who inspire me to keep going.
I have decided to cut myself off from Facebook, the Melbourne Lair and amateur porn for a while. They're things I have spent a lot of my time on recently which do not add value to myself or others. While I does allow me to keep in touch with people it has also taken away time for me to do the things which are important to me.
I have taken on board a few new interests and new objectives recently and I feel I am not giving the time necessary to get the most out of the experience.
Be ready to receive
In recent times I have felt that I was having problems with closing and I have been working on becoming more aggressive and going for what I want. While I have been a lot more aggressive and have been taking things one step further, I am still not reaching my desired outcomes. I have written a list of times where I pulled the trigger whether I screwed up or not. From that list I came up with more than 50 reference experience in the past year to validate my belief that I do go for what I want. For the average guy, they would be lucky to at least have a shot 5 times with a woman. So is closing really the issue?
I recently read "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T Harv Eker which goes into the inner game of money. How our spending and monetary habits are cultivated by our "Money Blueprint" as a result our experiences with money from our upbringing. While this book is focused on money, I feel a lot of the concepts can be carried over to other areas of our life, especially women.
One of the principles which dropped a penny for me was "Rich people are excellent receivers. Poor people are poor receivers." From a young age, I was made to feel guilty about receiving things. Whether it was presents, money, clothing. For example, my sisters would have a go at me when I was given money from my parents or my grandparents. They would say things like "mum and dad work their ass off for that money and you shouldn't take it." I felt this guilt recently when my grandma gave me $100 out of the blue. Now you're thinking "cool, $100! Fuck yeah!" I'm thinking "I can't take this. She's old and helpless. She won't be able to take care of herself."
There was a time I saw a $50 note on the ground and thought to myself "what if people see me? Then they'll think I'm cheap."
I have known to give and lend out money. I don't have any trouble in helping others out whether it's giving out advice, having your back in a fight, helping you get the girl home. Where I've fallen short is being a good receiver. In money, women, friends, jobs, life experiences...everything!
Back to the topic on women. I have been on dates with high quality women. The type of women I would want to marry. Now time and time again it has started with approach, date then...nothing! When I look back to my old journal posts I write that I didn't have the balls to make a move. That may have been the case at the time. What I should also mention was that I didn't feel like I could keep up with these kind of women.
Now my reference experiences when it comes to closing demonstrate that I do go for what I want but I feel that I have not been prepared to receive what I have been asking for.
I have noticed when I offer something to someone and they reject, there tends to be an elicited micro-behaviour or feelings of disrespect. Now while I know in my heart that this is not personal, I still have these feelings. Which brings me to my experiences with women in that past year. I have gone out of my way to approach her, tell her she's beautiful, take her out on a date, have a pleasant conversation and leave with a kiss on a cheek. Women have been giving me pussy on a plate and I have turned them down. There has to be an undercurrent of disrespect here. Of course, she isn't thinking this on a conscious level but on a deeper level this is what she must be feeling.
As I came across this concept of being a receiver, I had a flush of visions of the times women were putting themselves out there only for me to turn it down. Which makes me think I have come to this community to have enjoyable experiences with women and instead I have been disrespectful in turning them down.
I have been screaming to the universe to give me what I want. It's delivered and yet I have not been there to receive it. The universe must be thinking "dude! Make up your mind! What the fuck do you want?"
Focus and Creativity
Martial arts has been my outlet physically and creatively. It has also been a place where focus and discipline have cultivated but in recent times they have been all over the place. While I am injured at the moment I am physically limited to how hard I can push myself and explore my boundaries.
I have just bought myself a guitar. I feel like once I get past the tough part of learning to play it, it will be a great source of joy. I must admit as I have been practicing I have has times of restlessness and frustration but I feel in the end it will all be worth it. I have been watching videos of my favourite bands and artists such as Live, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, U2... who inspire me to keep going.
My 12 week plan
Expert: Getting what you want, nothing stopping you, being aggressive
Flow-On: Being a Closer, a Killer
I'm only giving you a skeleton one so far, I want you to do a month, and let me know how it goes, so we can do the rest based on your actions.
Also, please put this into your journal.
With books, you won't have time to read, so skim, and review, and do it quickly. Less is more...
Week 1 -
Order book - booko.com.au Mind Manipulation: Ancient and Modern Ninja Techniques [Paperback] Dr. Haha Lung (Author)
Mentor of the Week: Tim Ferriss - study him in massive detail.
Crime Study of the Week: Hell's Angels - study in detail, everything you can, including documentaries.
Read this page: http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/psychology-of-money/
Start training for something competitive.
Week 2 -
Order Book: Secrets of Power Negotiating, 15th Anniversary Edition: Inside Secrets from a Master Negotiator [Paperback] Roger Dawson
Roger Dawson (Author)
› Visit Amazon's Roger Dawson Page
Find all the books, read about the author, and more.
See search results for this author
Are you an author? Learn about Author Central
(Author)
Audios of the Week: Zig Ziglar any audio but especially closing the sale.
Crime Study of the Week: Underbelly
Mentor of the Week: Richard Branson
Start developing a 2-5 year plan, with a really exciting goal
Week 3 -
Order Book: Winning by Intimidation
Mentor of the Week: Frank Kern
Book to attend a real estate seminar or investing seminar
Plan to make some alpha natural friends
Keep developing your blog
Read Gunwich Method
Week 4 -
Order Book:The Silva Mind Control Method [Mass Market Paperback] Jose Silva (Author)
Mentor of the Week: Alexander the Great
Talk to 3 recruiters about career options, and strategy
Automate your personal finances http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/automate-your-personal-finances/
Study of the Week: Wall Street Traders
Week 5 -
Order Book: Persuasion Skills Black Book: Practical NLP Language Patterns for Getting The Response You Want [Paperback]
Rintu Basu
Rintu Basu (Author)
› Visit Amazon's Rintu Basu Page
Find all the books, read about the author, and more.
See search results for this author
Are you an author? Learn about Author Central
(Author), Debbie Jenkins (Editor)
Mentor of the Week: Gengis Khan
Study of the Week: Silicon Valley Entrepreneurs
Movie of the Week: The Godfather
Week 6 -
Order Book I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi
Study of the Week: Crime Lords
Study how to earn more money http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/earn-more-money/
Audio: The 80/20 Principle
Week 7 -
Order Book Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century by Vicki Robin, Joe Dominguez, and Monique Tilford
Study of the Week: Billionaires
Week 8 -
Order Book: The Art of Closing Any Deal: How to Be a Master Closer in Everything You Do by James W. Pickens
Study of the Week: Australia's Young Rich List
Mentor of the Week: Justin Hemmes
Week 9 -
Order Book: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes by Duke Robinson
Week 10 -
Order Book: The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships by Randy J. Paterson
Week 11 -
Week 12 -
Flow-On: Being a Closer, a Killer
I'm only giving you a skeleton one so far, I want you to do a month, and let me know how it goes, so we can do the rest based on your actions.
Also, please put this into your journal.
With books, you won't have time to read, so skim, and review, and do it quickly. Less is more...
Week 1 -
Order book - booko.com.au Mind Manipulation: Ancient and Modern Ninja Techniques [Paperback] Dr. Haha Lung (Author)
Mentor of the Week: Tim Ferriss - study him in massive detail.
Crime Study of the Week: Hell's Angels - study in detail, everything you can, including documentaries.
Read this page: http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/psychology-of-money/
Start training for something competitive.
Week 2 -
Order Book: Secrets of Power Negotiating, 15th Anniversary Edition: Inside Secrets from a Master Negotiator [Paperback] Roger Dawson
Roger Dawson (Author)
› Visit Amazon's Roger Dawson Page
Find all the books, read about the author, and more.
See search results for this author
Are you an author? Learn about Author Central
(Author)
Audios of the Week: Zig Ziglar any audio but especially closing the sale.
Crime Study of the Week: Underbelly
Mentor of the Week: Richard Branson
Start developing a 2-5 year plan, with a really exciting goal
Week 3 -
Order Book: Winning by Intimidation
Mentor of the Week: Frank Kern
Book to attend a real estate seminar or investing seminar
Plan to make some alpha natural friends
Keep developing your blog
Read Gunwich Method
Week 4 -
Order Book:The Silva Mind Control Method [Mass Market Paperback] Jose Silva (Author)
Mentor of the Week: Alexander the Great
Talk to 3 recruiters about career options, and strategy
Automate your personal finances http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/automate-your-personal-finances/
Study of the Week: Wall Street Traders
Week 5 -
Order Book: Persuasion Skills Black Book: Practical NLP Language Patterns for Getting The Response You Want [Paperback]
Rintu Basu
Rintu Basu (Author)
› Visit Amazon's Rintu Basu Page
Find all the books, read about the author, and more.
See search results for this author
Are you an author? Learn about Author Central
(Author), Debbie Jenkins (Editor)
Mentor of the Week: Gengis Khan
Study of the Week: Silicon Valley Entrepreneurs
Movie of the Week: The Godfather
Week 6 -
Order Book I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi
Study of the Week: Crime Lords
Study how to earn more money http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/earn-more-money/
Audio: The 80/20 Principle
Week 7 -
Order Book Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century by Vicki Robin, Joe Dominguez, and Monique Tilford
Study of the Week: Billionaires
Week 8 -
Order Book: The Art of Closing Any Deal: How to Be a Master Closer in Everything You Do by James W. Pickens
Study of the Week: Australia's Young Rich List
Mentor of the Week: Justin Hemmes
Week 9 -
Order Book: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes by Duke Robinson
Week 10 -
Order Book: The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships by Randy J. Paterson
Week 11 -
Week 12 -
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
An extension of me...
I just came home after a night out at 29th apartment in St Kilda. I spent most of my Wednesday nights there last summer. Anyway, I had about 3-4 beers and my bladder was a little weak as well as being a little tipsy. The toilets were limited so I had to wait in line. After a few beers I went to the toilet and like everyone else I waited in line. As I am waiting some guy just rushes straight into the toilet ahead of me. I think to myself 'oi! It's my turn'. I wait till he does his business, leaves then I take my turn.
Later on nature calls again and so I wait in line as everyone else does. I'm next in line and again some guy goes in front of me. Now this time something took over me. It was like a sudden blood rush. I pushed the door wide open and as the door was about to come back I punched a hole in the door. The guy looked at my scared shitless. I punched another hole in the door and he freaked out and turned into a shadow of himself and walked out. That moment where he thought he had the power to do what he want was taken away from him by a rush of blood to my head. In the moment I felt powerful. Being able to turn a man into a little boy. Do I feel bad about this? No. Why? There was a time in my life where I felt I could do whatever I wanted. There was a time where I stood up for myself. There was a time where I was fearless. Yet somewhere in between being born and walking into adulthood, this sense of power was taken away from me. I became a pushover. I became an easy target. I became a minion. I became powerless. I have no sense of control over my life.
Call it as you may, but as I right this with a bloody fist, this is the most powerful I have felt in a very long time and it feels fucking amazing.
Later on nature calls again and so I wait in line as everyone else does. I'm next in line and again some guy goes in front of me. Now this time something took over me. It was like a sudden blood rush. I pushed the door wide open and as the door was about to come back I punched a hole in the door. The guy looked at my scared shitless. I punched another hole in the door and he freaked out and turned into a shadow of himself and walked out. That moment where he thought he had the power to do what he want was taken away from him by a rush of blood to my head. In the moment I felt powerful. Being able to turn a man into a little boy. Do I feel bad about this? No. Why? There was a time in my life where I felt I could do whatever I wanted. There was a time where I stood up for myself. There was a time where I was fearless. Yet somewhere in between being born and walking into adulthood, this sense of power was taken away from me. I became a pushover. I became an easy target. I became a minion. I became powerless. I have no sense of control over my life.
Call it as you may, but as I right this with a bloody fist, this is the most powerful I have felt in a very long time and it feels fucking amazing.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hip-Hop Self Help...Who would have thought?
Currently I am listening to "The 50th Law" audiobook by 50 Cent and Robert Greene, writer of The 48 Laws of Power. I stumbled across this while looking for books on mindsets and personal empowerment. I am keen to read The 48 Laws of Power but the intended teachings in this book resonated more with what I wanted. To be fearless.
From what I have listened to so far it is interesting to see how a lot of the principles outlined in this book ties in well with my inner game work. Seeing the world for what it is, viewing the world objectively and not reactively. Being able to see positives from every situation. Being powerful and not being a slave to others. A leader of men. Most of all being fearless.
I am also appreciate how 50 cent has gone from crack dealer to being a multi-million dollar entrepreneur. The way he is portrayed in the media and in music videos doesn't do him much justice. The man is a genius, a pioneer, an innovator. He is not just an artist, he's a producer, a record label owner, a self marketer. He is a man who is self empowered, a designer of his own destiny.
This book/audiobook is very similar to Thick Face, Black Heart but much more raw and easier to read. The concepts which both books outline are very similar, it's just the angle in which The 50th Law presents the concepts resonate with me more.
From what I have listened to so far it is interesting to see how a lot of the principles outlined in this book ties in well with my inner game work. Seeing the world for what it is, viewing the world objectively and not reactively. Being able to see positives from every situation. Being powerful and not being a slave to others. A leader of men. Most of all being fearless.
I am also appreciate how 50 cent has gone from crack dealer to being a multi-million dollar entrepreneur. The way he is portrayed in the media and in music videos doesn't do him much justice. The man is a genius, a pioneer, an innovator. He is not just an artist, he's a producer, a record label owner, a self marketer. He is a man who is self empowered, a designer of his own destiny.
This book/audiobook is very similar to Thick Face, Black Heart but much more raw and easier to read. The concepts which both books outline are very similar, it's just the angle in which The 50th Law presents the concepts resonate with me more.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Inner Game...It's where it's at
Here's a snippet from a recent journal entry I made a while back:
It's all Inner Game
It's what makes me get out of bed in the morning, it's what makes me want to travel for over an hour to goto work, it's what triggers me to make the changes that I am making in my life right now, it's what made me want to start pick-up in the first place, it's what made me want to continue talking to girls even after being rejected by hundreds of girls before them, it's what allows me to question my beliefs and values to see how strong they are...I could go on forever.
I feel I have a solid technical foundation as far as seduction goes and the only thing holding me back is my bullshit beliefs created by conditioning by parents, society, media, religion, etc. I have spent alot of time focusing more on my beliefs and removing negative anchors from my life which have stopped me from becoming the man I deserve to be (moving out of home, culling friends who put me down, being less of a yes man and prepared to say no more often if it's at the expense of my own well being).
Deep Level Identity Change
The last month I have been working through some deep level identity changes. It all started off with attending Vipassana for 10-days and uncovering strong attachments to my past. Being more aware of why I am the way I am I have a strong desire to let go of these attachments and surrender myself to the new man I have become.
Right now I have been doing "The Presence Process" which was written by Michael Brown. It was recommended to me by Almog. I listened to Michael's audios and I liked his teaching style. His concepts and philosophies really tie in well with where I am at in my journey. So far I have uncovered some sensations and experienced some emotional triggers. However, I am yet to find out the deeper meaning behind them. For example, all of the sudden I have an intense craving for cigarettes and yet I've never been much of a cigarette smoker. I get the feeling I am about to uncover something about my dad as he was a big smoker when I was a kid.
I have also been reading alot of biographies and books on mindsets. A lot of books out there are more focused on the how-to and I feel it doesn't help me. I rather get into the mind of the person I want to be like rather than the how-to. I find that with the how-to I tend to adopt the behaviours for a short period before snapping back to who I was before. I need to experience change on a deep core level.
Today I started watching Deep Inner Game by Hypnotica. I watched this earlier in the year and this helped me heaps in becoming friends with my approach anxiety. Doing the exercises today triggered me to want to go and but babies in some sexy ladies. I like how he uses timeline therapy which I think is from NLP. I found this to be effective for me as I was made to feel intense pain behind not taking action and hysterical joy behind taking action. The pain behind not taking action would be so unbearable.
I have come to the stage now where I feel I can't go back to who I was before. I know if I were to stop in my journey, it would be the next best thing to suicide. I can't live my life now knowing that there is a way to personal freedom and not to pursue it.
It's all Inner Game
It's what makes me get out of bed in the morning, it's what makes me want to travel for over an hour to goto work, it's what triggers me to make the changes that I am making in my life right now, it's what made me want to start pick-up in the first place, it's what made me want to continue talking to girls even after being rejected by hundreds of girls before them, it's what allows me to question my beliefs and values to see how strong they are...I could go on forever.
I feel I have a solid technical foundation as far as seduction goes and the only thing holding me back is my bullshit beliefs created by conditioning by parents, society, media, religion, etc. I have spent alot of time focusing more on my beliefs and removing negative anchors from my life which have stopped me from becoming the man I deserve to be (moving out of home, culling friends who put me down, being less of a yes man and prepared to say no more often if it's at the expense of my own well being).
Deep Level Identity Change
The last month I have been working through some deep level identity changes. It all started off with attending Vipassana for 10-days and uncovering strong attachments to my past. Being more aware of why I am the way I am I have a strong desire to let go of these attachments and surrender myself to the new man I have become.
Right now I have been doing "The Presence Process" which was written by Michael Brown. It was recommended to me by Almog. I listened to Michael's audios and I liked his teaching style. His concepts and philosophies really tie in well with where I am at in my journey. So far I have uncovered some sensations and experienced some emotional triggers. However, I am yet to find out the deeper meaning behind them. For example, all of the sudden I have an intense craving for cigarettes and yet I've never been much of a cigarette smoker. I get the feeling I am about to uncover something about my dad as he was a big smoker when I was a kid.
I have also been reading alot of biographies and books on mindsets. A lot of books out there are more focused on the how-to and I feel it doesn't help me. I rather get into the mind of the person I want to be like rather than the how-to. I find that with the how-to I tend to adopt the behaviours for a short period before snapping back to who I was before. I need to experience change on a deep core level.
Today I started watching Deep Inner Game by Hypnotica. I watched this earlier in the year and this helped me heaps in becoming friends with my approach anxiety. Doing the exercises today triggered me to want to go and but babies in some sexy ladies. I like how he uses timeline therapy which I think is from NLP. I found this to be effective for me as I was made to feel intense pain behind not taking action and hysterical joy behind taking action. The pain behind not taking action would be so unbearable.
I have come to the stage now where I feel I can't go back to who I was before. I know if I were to stop in my journey, it would be the next best thing to suicide. I can't live my life now knowing that there is a way to personal freedom and not to pursue it.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Daygame 08/11/2010: Melbourne CBD
My calves are about to explode. I went for a run around Albert Park lake with Almog. He showed me how to run properly which involved running mainly on the balls of my feet. It was stupid of me to even consider walking around the city and yet I did it anyway.
I'm chilling at my apartment when I get a text from Daryl to catch up. I ask him to meet me at my place. He arrives at my doorstep and we goto wonder the city for abit. There's not much going around...actually there were heaps of gorgeous ladies. I was just being a pussy. On top of that I was kinda dressed like a lame pirate. In pirate shorts, white shirt and a black beanie. I wore a beanie as I haven't used conditioner on my head and my scalp was flaking. It looked quite embarassing. I think how I was dressed was stopping me from approaching.
Approach #1: Miss Ireland
We goto Fed Square where there is only one cute girl who is sitting on her own. Blonde and wearing all black. Every other girl there looked like they were with their boyfriends. Daryl and I walk past the blonde and stand behind her. I'm standing there fighting with my internal dialogue to determine if I'm going to talk to her or not. Daryl is pushing me to get in there. After a few moments I think "fuck it!" I sit next to her and say "hi!" She says "hi!"
Me: I thought you were really cute I had to come talk to you
Her: Thankyou (glow face)
I find out what she's upto. She's come to meet up with her friends and she only has a few days left. She's from Ireland and I ask her what she misses most about being away from home. Then we talk abit about Melbourne. As she talks I stop her and say "you know you have these deep ocean blue eyes" and hold contact for half a moment. Maybe not long enough. Then I snap back into normal conversation. She was really cool and wanted to know abit about what I was upto as well. I go for the number close but she says she has a boyfriend (but he's back in Ireland...). "Cool we can be best friends" I say. She gives me her number. We talk for a little bit more then I eject.
I sent her a text not long after in which she replied almost straight away. I'm not sure if I will be able to follow up as I'll be in Adelaide for the weekend and by the time I get back, she'll be long gone. What I got from this is when there is no pressure, I can hold a conversation well. I felt like I didn't have to come up with something good to say all the time.
Approach #2: Metal mouth
It's abit late in the afternoon and I'm starving. Daryl and I decide to grab a bite. Once I finish eating we decide to wonder around the city again. I spot a tall blonde in a sexy corporate outfit. I stop her and open direct. She lights up and smiles (she had cute little braces on). It gets a little awkward and she walks off.
Approach #3: Cute artsy brunette.
It's time for me to go home. I'm waiting at the traffic lights. Daryl is on the phone and next to him is cute artsy girl. Short hair, red lipstick and this cute little dress. She's looking around and I try to lock eyes with her. No joy. We cross the road and she storms ahead of us. Daryl and I are walking towards Myer and I see her standing by herself. I stop right in front of her. "Hi!" I said. She says "hi!"
I open direct and she lights up. She is waiting for a friend and I ask her "so what would your friends say they would like about you?" I give her some space to respond and she says she's nice. I ask her to elaborate further. In which she does but then she throws it back on me which I respond comfortably. She also mentions shes a musician and I find out what it is she enjoys about music which she seems happy to tell me. Her friend then comes along and she introduces me to her. I ask her friend if there is anything I should be worried about with artsy girl. Daryl comes in and we talk for abit more. From there I ask for her number and she happily gives it to me. We speak for abit more before saying goodbye. I text her not long after.
I look back at the first and last approaches today and I am surprised at how comfortable I was and how smooth the interactions seemed to go. The interactions were abit understated but yet I was able to keep things light.
I'm chilling at my apartment when I get a text from Daryl to catch up. I ask him to meet me at my place. He arrives at my doorstep and we goto wonder the city for abit. There's not much going around...actually there were heaps of gorgeous ladies. I was just being a pussy. On top of that I was kinda dressed like a lame pirate. In pirate shorts, white shirt and a black beanie. I wore a beanie as I haven't used conditioner on my head and my scalp was flaking. It looked quite embarassing. I think how I was dressed was stopping me from approaching.
Approach #1: Miss Ireland
We goto Fed Square where there is only one cute girl who is sitting on her own. Blonde and wearing all black. Every other girl there looked like they were with their boyfriends. Daryl and I walk past the blonde and stand behind her. I'm standing there fighting with my internal dialogue to determine if I'm going to talk to her or not. Daryl is pushing me to get in there. After a few moments I think "fuck it!" I sit next to her and say "hi!" She says "hi!"
Me: I thought you were really cute I had to come talk to you
Her: Thankyou (glow face)
I find out what she's upto. She's come to meet up with her friends and she only has a few days left. She's from Ireland and I ask her what she misses most about being away from home. Then we talk abit about Melbourne. As she talks I stop her and say "you know you have these deep ocean blue eyes" and hold contact for half a moment. Maybe not long enough. Then I snap back into normal conversation. She was really cool and wanted to know abit about what I was upto as well. I go for the number close but she says she has a boyfriend (but he's back in Ireland...). "Cool we can be best friends" I say. She gives me her number. We talk for a little bit more then I eject.
I sent her a text not long after in which she replied almost straight away. I'm not sure if I will be able to follow up as I'll be in Adelaide for the weekend and by the time I get back, she'll be long gone. What I got from this is when there is no pressure, I can hold a conversation well. I felt like I didn't have to come up with something good to say all the time.
Approach #2: Metal mouth
It's abit late in the afternoon and I'm starving. Daryl and I decide to grab a bite. Once I finish eating we decide to wonder around the city again. I spot a tall blonde in a sexy corporate outfit. I stop her and open direct. She lights up and smiles (she had cute little braces on). It gets a little awkward and she walks off.
Approach #3: Cute artsy brunette.
It's time for me to go home. I'm waiting at the traffic lights. Daryl is on the phone and next to him is cute artsy girl. Short hair, red lipstick and this cute little dress. She's looking around and I try to lock eyes with her. No joy. We cross the road and she storms ahead of us. Daryl and I are walking towards Myer and I see her standing by herself. I stop right in front of her. "Hi!" I said. She says "hi!"
I open direct and she lights up. She is waiting for a friend and I ask her "so what would your friends say they would like about you?" I give her some space to respond and she says she's nice. I ask her to elaborate further. In which she does but then she throws it back on me which I respond comfortably. She also mentions shes a musician and I find out what it is she enjoys about music which she seems happy to tell me. Her friend then comes along and she introduces me to her. I ask her friend if there is anything I should be worried about with artsy girl. Daryl comes in and we talk for abit more. From there I ask for her number and she happily gives it to me. We speak for abit more before saying goodbye. I text her not long after.
I look back at the first and last approaches today and I am surprised at how comfortable I was and how smooth the interactions seemed to go. The interactions were abit understated but yet I was able to keep things light.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Melbourne Cup Eve/Day
Last year I went to the Melbourne Cup for the first time and was blown away by how many drunk, sexy and well dressed the women were. Where have they been hiding for most of the year? I found it really easy to talk to girls but back then I had next to 0 game. I relied alot on routines which got me nowhere. I have evolved a lot this year and I was looking forward to attacking with heavy artillery :)
I'll start off with cup eve. I head to Spice Market with Rey and Alex. I don't do much night game these days but I'm keen to get alot under my belt for when summer comes. I want my bedroom smelling of the stench of pussy juice :)
Cup Eve
We arrive pretty early and it's pretty dead. Alex, Rey and I are chatting. There is a couple of blondes talking near us. A tall curvaceous beauty and average looking blonde. I listen in on their conversation and then I hear them talk about dildos. My alarm bells are ringing...SLUTS! I'm feeling abit of anxiety. I tell the guys what the girls are talking about. I give myself a moment or two before going in. We chat for abit and we exchange friendly banter. The conversation dies abit and I turn back to the boys.
Later on in the night I bumped into the curvaceous blonde again and danced with her for abit. As I walk off her friend gives my ass a spank. I turn around and give her a cheeky smile. It didn't occur to me at the time to come in and give her abit of the Khoi...grrr!
We're on the dancefloor and I spot a platinum blonde dancing on my left. I turn and lock eyes with her. I say "hello!" in a super excited voice. She says "hello!" in a super excited voice. I put out my hand. She takes it, I spin her and bring her close and say "what's your name?" I think she's a little freaked out by how physical I'm being. I step it back a notch and dance hip to hip but I think the damage has been done.
Not far away is the hottest girl I've seen all night. She's a tall brunette and wearing the tightest mini-skirt. I'm looking for the perfect moment to approach but I pussy out...grrr! Later I see her talking to another guy and he ends up number closing her. My heart is a little broken. I happen to see her dancing next to me later in the night. I turn to her and say "hello!". She says "hello!" and like I did with platinum blonde I drew her close. We exchange abit of social chit chat while I'm holding sexual eye contact. I still have her hand holding mine and we're dancing real close. Her friend pulls her away and they say they're getting a drink. Rey comes over and asks "why didn't you go for it?" I don't know why. It just didn't occur to me that I should go for the kill at the time.
I bump into her again but she doesn't seem to be interested...grrr!
Throughout the night I had my eye on this gorgeous blonde wearing this flowy white dress. The way she dances is soooo sexy. For most of the night I would be walking past her but I couldn't grow instant balls to go talk to her. I bump into George from All Stars and we have a wonder around venue. It's getting late and I have to wake up early to goto the races tomorrow. I tell him "let's go for the kill". I look for white dress blondie, walk up to her and comment on her dress. She lights up with the brightest smile. She has the cutest dimples. We exchange abit of light banter while I'm getting closer and closer and my touch is getting more and more intimate. I can feel the tension between us and I run out of things to say. I'm abit dumbfounded. I kinda freak out and eject. I walk over to George and he asks "why did you leave? That looked really good".
I felt the need to say something when I probably should have just cut the talk and just continue ramping up the physical and non-verbals. I felt she was quite comfortable with me.
I tend to freak out when doing nightgame and can't seem to approach the girls I like, like I do when I do daygame. Tonight was a rare occasion where I approach the girls I like at night. I think it's lame to be saying I've run out of things to say. My conversation skills are now at a point where I don't really run out of things to say. With my conversation skills and my ability to show intent, I created tension to the point that we're now lost in the moment which creates the illusion that I've run out of things to say. If there's tension there, she's feeling it too. Ramp it up!
Cup Day
I arrive at Flemington just after midday and have abit of a wonder. I'm walking towards the race track and I see a leggy brunette in a purple dress. As I'm walking along I can almost feel the guys around me watch as she walks past. To stroke my ego I decide to talk to her.
"Hey you know not many women can wear a dress like that but you have the legs to pull it off". I smile and give her a second to respond. She lights up and we chat for a bit. It was kind of going nowhere so she walks off.
I meet up with Ryan and later Rey and we wonder the grounds. I don't feel that comfortable approaching. We are near the race track. Rey and I spot 2 sexy brunettes in green dresses. Rey is asking me how I would open them. Both of them were smoking so I walked in smoking a cigarette and said "hey you know that shit will kill you". It gets abit of a laugh and we get into some social chat. Rey joins in. We exchange so light hearted banter before things die down. We bail.
I couldn't get myself to approach anymore so I focused on locking eyes with girls. I caught a few but couldn't get myself to approach. Then, inspired by Matt Neason's talk, Rey and I decide to walk through the grounds and give girls the pussy tap. I would say mine was more of a brush but it was good fun. I don't know if I turned anyone on.
Towards the end of the day we bump into Almog, Manic and their friends. We agree to meet up at transport later on.
After Cup Festivities
Rey decides to bail and heads home while Ryan and I head for Transport. I couldn't get myself to talk to anyone. I was abit tired which is a lame excuse now that I am typing this. We meetup with Manic and Almog. I got to see Almog do a couple of approaches which was fun to watch. I have only seen glimpses of what most coaches can do but it's those little glimpses I've seen which have helped me take my game up a notch or two. It gives me visuals to model my game on. We chill out and have a few drinks for abit. Ryan and I then decide to hit Crown.
We wonder around the Casino but there is not much going on. I'm real hungry so we head to McDonalds. Ryan and I are waiting in the McDonalds line at Crown. As I wait to be served I'm looking at the menu to determine what I want to eat. I turn around and notice a cute blonde behind me. I turn back to look at the menu. Then I turn back again and say "hello!" in a super excited voice.
Her: Hey! How are you? (in a super excited voice)
She's from New Zealand and I tease her on her thick accent. We exchange abit of light hearted banter which I felt she was really into. I seem to feel really good as I see people watching me as I talk to her. Ego stroking...FUCK YEAH!
There is abit of a lull and Ryan comes over and says something along the lines of "get her to come out with us". I start talking abit more and I tell her we're gonna hit one of the bars later and that she should join us. She happily agrees. I take her number and grab my food. First number close in like a month...happy days. Thanks Ryan, if you're reading this, for kicking my head into gear.
Ryan and I walk around Crown and nothing much is going on. Ryan decides to leave as he's got work the next day. I'm left to go solo. I send a text to the New Zealand chick. I get a reply saying she has gone home...grrrr! I'll definitely be following up on her. She's as cute as a button and seems pretty keen.
I'm now wondering around Crown solo. I decide to text people to see if they're out. Most people replied they had other plans except for Daryl. I meet up with Daryl at Fed Square and we head off to Spice Market.
Spice Martket is packed and lots of sexy ladies but I'm nervous as hell. I exchange abit of small talk with the girls at the bar. Do a couple laps of the venue then decide to hit the dancefloor. I grab the attention of cougar, high five, then spin her. We chat for a bit and then I turn to her incredibly sexy friend, a brunette in a stunning long black dress. She's not at all receptive to me. We exchange a few more words before walking off.
I'm on the dancefloor and then I get opened my a drunk, old mole. She's really keen to dance with me. I dance with her for abit. As I'm dancing with her I lock eyes with a few girls and give them the "help me!" look. She's making moves on me and I'm not reciprocating. It seems to be annoying her. She accuses me of being gay and walks off.
While I'm dancing I spot a group of three girls. One of them sets off of my alarm bells...SLUT! A cute brunette. I get her attention and pull her in close. "What's your name?" In the most alpha voice I can put on. We're grinding against each other and I'm getting a massive boner. She goes back to her friends...grrr.
Daryl decides it's hometime and takes off leaving me to fly solo. I'm on the middle of the dancefloor and get the attention of a cute blonde. She really knows how to move her body. I saw her making out with another guy before and wasn't sure if he was her boyfriend so I didn't make any moves. We have a bit of a dance off and I seem to hold my own and she's loving it and getting close to me. So I thought "meh! A little grinding won't hurt". Then I see her friend come along. Another blonde. My alarm bells went off again...SLUT! So I pulled her in "what's your name?" I tried getting close but she wasn't too keen on my advances.
I see the cute brunette from before and pull her in again and we're getting really close. The way we were moving together was giving me a massive hard on. I notice a couple of other guys trying to pick up her friends. Great! I have her isolated. We're talking for abit and we hae some intimate hand holding happening. I figure it's on. But then she decides to go back to her friends. One of the guys gives me a high 5 and tells me to make a move on her. The girls walk off...grrr!
I do abit of a wonder around and get a drink of water and hit the dancefloor again. I see the cute brunette on the dancefloor with her friends. I lock eyes with her, she grabs me and introduces me to her friends. Looks like the guys talking to them before failed. We talk for a bit. They are from Newcastle and it's their last night in Melbourne. Then another girl comes along. A beautiful artsy brunette. She's also with these girls. Where has she been hiding all night? The cute brunette introduces me to her. I shake hands and don't let go of her hand. She seems comfortable with it. I spin her a few times and draw her close to me. She's wearing this elegant black silk dress. The feeling of it against her body is giving me a massive hard on.
We're grinding on the dancefloor and I give her the sex eyes and hold it there. She knows what's up. I hold the gaze for a few moments and she slowly comes in and kisses me. I'm thinking "fuck yeah!" but then she freaks out and she starts rationalising what's happening. Something along the lines of "this is happening too fast". I was stuck. I didn't know how to respond. I bring her closer to me but this time she resists me. She kisses me again, says something and walks off.
All this happened in the space of minutes. Perhaps I should have taken her somewhere where we could sit down and talk one-on-one for a bit?
It's getting close to closing time I am on the dancefloor and I bump into cute brunette. Artsy brunette is nowhere to be seen. She seems keen so I bring her close to me. My leg is grinding against her pussy and she seems to be loving it. We exchange a few words then I give her the sex eyes and hold it there. We then proceed to make out. She basically eats my face off.
She tells me she has to leave soon and she can't leave her friends. I ask her where she's staying. She says at the Grand Hyatt and I tell her my place is only five minutes away. We make out for abit then she says "let me talk to my friends". I'm dancing away, waiting for her to come back...grrr! She doesn't. The venue is starting to die down and I'm looking around to find her but she's nowhere to be seen.
I don't know if I could have done anything more. I suggested we goto my place but maybe wasn't persistent enough. I could have extracted her to the Grand Hyatt toilets in the lobby but it didn't cross my mind at the time. I spent the rest of the night dancing with whoever else was still around.
Oakes Day
Thursday night I was sitting in front of my computer and was bored as hell so I decided to check out Spice Market again. It was Oakes Day and Thursday is ladies night at Spice Market. I go there and there were some sexy ladies but I couldn't get myself to talk to them. I did a few approaches at the bar and dancefloor. It was more a friendly and social night for me. It's been a while since I've done stuff solo so I thought I document it reminding me I can go out and still have a good time solo.
I'll start off with cup eve. I head to Spice Market with Rey and Alex. I don't do much night game these days but I'm keen to get alot under my belt for when summer comes. I want my bedroom smelling of the stench of pussy juice :)
Cup Eve
We arrive pretty early and it's pretty dead. Alex, Rey and I are chatting. There is a couple of blondes talking near us. A tall curvaceous beauty and average looking blonde. I listen in on their conversation and then I hear them talk about dildos. My alarm bells are ringing...SLUTS! I'm feeling abit of anxiety. I tell the guys what the girls are talking about. I give myself a moment or two before going in. We chat for abit and we exchange friendly banter. The conversation dies abit and I turn back to the boys.
Later on in the night I bumped into the curvaceous blonde again and danced with her for abit. As I walk off her friend gives my ass a spank. I turn around and give her a cheeky smile. It didn't occur to me at the time to come in and give her abit of the Khoi...grrr!
We're on the dancefloor and I spot a platinum blonde dancing on my left. I turn and lock eyes with her. I say "hello!" in a super excited voice. She says "hello!" in a super excited voice. I put out my hand. She takes it, I spin her and bring her close and say "what's your name?" I think she's a little freaked out by how physical I'm being. I step it back a notch and dance hip to hip but I think the damage has been done.
Not far away is the hottest girl I've seen all night. She's a tall brunette and wearing the tightest mini-skirt. I'm looking for the perfect moment to approach but I pussy out...grrr! Later I see her talking to another guy and he ends up number closing her. My heart is a little broken. I happen to see her dancing next to me later in the night. I turn to her and say "hello!". She says "hello!" and like I did with platinum blonde I drew her close. We exchange abit of social chit chat while I'm holding sexual eye contact. I still have her hand holding mine and we're dancing real close. Her friend pulls her away and they say they're getting a drink. Rey comes over and asks "why didn't you go for it?" I don't know why. It just didn't occur to me that I should go for the kill at the time.
I bump into her again but she doesn't seem to be interested...grrr!
Throughout the night I had my eye on this gorgeous blonde wearing this flowy white dress. The way she dances is soooo sexy. For most of the night I would be walking past her but I couldn't grow instant balls to go talk to her. I bump into George from All Stars and we have a wonder around venue. It's getting late and I have to wake up early to goto the races tomorrow. I tell him "let's go for the kill". I look for white dress blondie, walk up to her and comment on her dress. She lights up with the brightest smile. She has the cutest dimples. We exchange abit of light banter while I'm getting closer and closer and my touch is getting more and more intimate. I can feel the tension between us and I run out of things to say. I'm abit dumbfounded. I kinda freak out and eject. I walk over to George and he asks "why did you leave? That looked really good".
I felt the need to say something when I probably should have just cut the talk and just continue ramping up the physical and non-verbals. I felt she was quite comfortable with me.
I tend to freak out when doing nightgame and can't seem to approach the girls I like, like I do when I do daygame. Tonight was a rare occasion where I approach the girls I like at night. I think it's lame to be saying I've run out of things to say. My conversation skills are now at a point where I don't really run out of things to say. With my conversation skills and my ability to show intent, I created tension to the point that we're now lost in the moment which creates the illusion that I've run out of things to say. If there's tension there, she's feeling it too. Ramp it up!
Cup Day
I arrive at Flemington just after midday and have abit of a wonder. I'm walking towards the race track and I see a leggy brunette in a purple dress. As I'm walking along I can almost feel the guys around me watch as she walks past. To stroke my ego I decide to talk to her.
"Hey you know not many women can wear a dress like that but you have the legs to pull it off". I smile and give her a second to respond. She lights up and we chat for a bit. It was kind of going nowhere so she walks off.
I meet up with Ryan and later Rey and we wonder the grounds. I don't feel that comfortable approaching. We are near the race track. Rey and I spot 2 sexy brunettes in green dresses. Rey is asking me how I would open them. Both of them were smoking so I walked in smoking a cigarette and said "hey you know that shit will kill you". It gets abit of a laugh and we get into some social chat. Rey joins in. We exchange so light hearted banter before things die down. We bail.
I couldn't get myself to approach anymore so I focused on locking eyes with girls. I caught a few but couldn't get myself to approach. Then, inspired by Matt Neason's talk, Rey and I decide to walk through the grounds and give girls the pussy tap. I would say mine was more of a brush but it was good fun. I don't know if I turned anyone on.
Towards the end of the day we bump into Almog, Manic and their friends. We agree to meet up at transport later on.
After Cup Festivities
Rey decides to bail and heads home while Ryan and I head for Transport. I couldn't get myself to talk to anyone. I was abit tired which is a lame excuse now that I am typing this. We meetup with Manic and Almog. I got to see Almog do a couple of approaches which was fun to watch. I have only seen glimpses of what most coaches can do but it's those little glimpses I've seen which have helped me take my game up a notch or two. It gives me visuals to model my game on. We chill out and have a few drinks for abit. Ryan and I then decide to hit Crown.
We wonder around the Casino but there is not much going on. I'm real hungry so we head to McDonalds. Ryan and I are waiting in the McDonalds line at Crown. As I wait to be served I'm looking at the menu to determine what I want to eat. I turn around and notice a cute blonde behind me. I turn back to look at the menu. Then I turn back again and say "hello!" in a super excited voice.
Her: Hey! How are you? (in a super excited voice)
She's from New Zealand and I tease her on her thick accent. We exchange abit of light hearted banter which I felt she was really into. I seem to feel really good as I see people watching me as I talk to her. Ego stroking...FUCK YEAH!
There is abit of a lull and Ryan comes over and says something along the lines of "get her to come out with us". I start talking abit more and I tell her we're gonna hit one of the bars later and that she should join us. She happily agrees. I take her number and grab my food. First number close in like a month...happy days. Thanks Ryan, if you're reading this, for kicking my head into gear.
Ryan and I walk around Crown and nothing much is going on. Ryan decides to leave as he's got work the next day. I'm left to go solo. I send a text to the New Zealand chick. I get a reply saying she has gone home...grrrr! I'll definitely be following up on her. She's as cute as a button and seems pretty keen.
I'm now wondering around Crown solo. I decide to text people to see if they're out. Most people replied they had other plans except for Daryl. I meet up with Daryl at Fed Square and we head off to Spice Market.
Spice Martket is packed and lots of sexy ladies but I'm nervous as hell. I exchange abit of small talk with the girls at the bar. Do a couple laps of the venue then decide to hit the dancefloor. I grab the attention of cougar, high five, then spin her. We chat for a bit and then I turn to her incredibly sexy friend, a brunette in a stunning long black dress. She's not at all receptive to me. We exchange a few more words before walking off.
I'm on the dancefloor and then I get opened my a drunk, old mole. She's really keen to dance with me. I dance with her for abit. As I'm dancing with her I lock eyes with a few girls and give them the "help me!" look. She's making moves on me and I'm not reciprocating. It seems to be annoying her. She accuses me of being gay and walks off.
While I'm dancing I spot a group of three girls. One of them sets off of my alarm bells...SLUT! A cute brunette. I get her attention and pull her in close. "What's your name?" In the most alpha voice I can put on. We're grinding against each other and I'm getting a massive boner. She goes back to her friends...grrr.
Daryl decides it's hometime and takes off leaving me to fly solo. I'm on the middle of the dancefloor and get the attention of a cute blonde. She really knows how to move her body. I saw her making out with another guy before and wasn't sure if he was her boyfriend so I didn't make any moves. We have a bit of a dance off and I seem to hold my own and she's loving it and getting close to me. So I thought "meh! A little grinding won't hurt". Then I see her friend come along. Another blonde. My alarm bells went off again...SLUT! So I pulled her in "what's your name?" I tried getting close but she wasn't too keen on my advances.
I see the cute brunette from before and pull her in again and we're getting really close. The way we were moving together was giving me a massive hard on. I notice a couple of other guys trying to pick up her friends. Great! I have her isolated. We're talking for abit and we hae some intimate hand holding happening. I figure it's on. But then she decides to go back to her friends. One of the guys gives me a high 5 and tells me to make a move on her. The girls walk off...grrr!
I do abit of a wonder around and get a drink of water and hit the dancefloor again. I see the cute brunette on the dancefloor with her friends. I lock eyes with her, she grabs me and introduces me to her friends. Looks like the guys talking to them before failed. We talk for a bit. They are from Newcastle and it's their last night in Melbourne. Then another girl comes along. A beautiful artsy brunette. She's also with these girls. Where has she been hiding all night? The cute brunette introduces me to her. I shake hands and don't let go of her hand. She seems comfortable with it. I spin her a few times and draw her close to me. She's wearing this elegant black silk dress. The feeling of it against her body is giving me a massive hard on.
We're grinding on the dancefloor and I give her the sex eyes and hold it there. She knows what's up. I hold the gaze for a few moments and she slowly comes in and kisses me. I'm thinking "fuck yeah!" but then she freaks out and she starts rationalising what's happening. Something along the lines of "this is happening too fast". I was stuck. I didn't know how to respond. I bring her closer to me but this time she resists me. She kisses me again, says something and walks off.
All this happened in the space of minutes. Perhaps I should have taken her somewhere where we could sit down and talk one-on-one for a bit?
It's getting close to closing time I am on the dancefloor and I bump into cute brunette. Artsy brunette is nowhere to be seen. She seems keen so I bring her close to me. My leg is grinding against her pussy and she seems to be loving it. We exchange a few words then I give her the sex eyes and hold it there. We then proceed to make out. She basically eats my face off.
She tells me she has to leave soon and she can't leave her friends. I ask her where she's staying. She says at the Grand Hyatt and I tell her my place is only five minutes away. We make out for abit then she says "let me talk to my friends". I'm dancing away, waiting for her to come back...grrr! She doesn't. The venue is starting to die down and I'm looking around to find her but she's nowhere to be seen.
I don't know if I could have done anything more. I suggested we goto my place but maybe wasn't persistent enough. I could have extracted her to the Grand Hyatt toilets in the lobby but it didn't cross my mind at the time. I spent the rest of the night dancing with whoever else was still around.
Oakes Day
Thursday night I was sitting in front of my computer and was bored as hell so I decided to check out Spice Market again. It was Oakes Day and Thursday is ladies night at Spice Market. I go there and there were some sexy ladies but I couldn't get myself to talk to them. I did a few approaches at the bar and dancefloor. It was more a friendly and social night for me. It's been a while since I've done stuff solo so I thought I document it reminding me I can go out and still have a good time solo.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Goals to reach in the next 90 days
I re-wrote my goals a while back and hadn't got around to posting them. Just to show I haven't been dormant. I thought I write up my goals and my current progress.
Become comfortable touching girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Though touching girls is not something I have trouble with. I don't do it enough. I feel my game is compartmentalised. If I'm talking to girls, I talk to them. If I'm physical, I'm physical. I don't really blend the two together well and I feel this is where I am falling short with alot of sexy ladies. So far I have made a conscious effort to touch girls and get closer more often.
Progress: You can read my recent nightgame field reports. I have been very direct with my approaches and getting physical very fast with some success. Though I still have a very long way to go.
Become comfortable isolating girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Something that I don't do enough. Or ever really. I feel when I am one-on-one with a girl I am able to take the interaction where I want it to go. But again I don't do it enough and this is limiting my experience and success with women.
Progress: I'm not pushing for isolation enough. It's not something I am doing consciously.
Be able to show my intent with clarity 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I've managed to meet some of the sexiest women ever and yet they have been giving me the run around. I feel this comes down to not being clear with my intent. Because I'm not clear with my intent, I am sending mixed signals and this is where women are playing games with me. I need to be clear so that I know where I stand so that I am not lingering on a weak lead.
Progress: I've only shown it when the girl is reciprocating towards my advances. I need to do it regardless.
Read and practice "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
As a result of doing Vipassana I wanted to dig even deeper into understanding why I behave the way I do and be more aware of the world in which I live. I have listened to Michael Brown's audios and I feel his teachings resonate well with me. I feel going through this process will be of great benefit to me.
Progress: I'm towards the end of week 2 of The Presence Process. I have brought some sensations to the surface but nothing life changing yet. I feel I am alot more responsive in my day-to-day life and not so much reactive.
Finish 5 self development books 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I want to make this a conscious habit. Before this year I could probably count the number of books I have read since high school on my fingers. I have achieved an enormous amount of growth as a person organically by acting on what I felt was right. Now it's time to add some science to it put my development on steroids.
Progress: I've read 4 and well on my way to finishing 5. Ever since I've come back from Vipassana, my capacity to comprehend information is off the charts. Speed reading has also helped my enjoyment for reading.
Compete in a BJJ comp 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I know deep down I am a competitive person but for a long time it has been supressed. As a kid I was a very strong junior tennis player. I had a very domineering style which would rip people apart. I think somewhere during my teenage years I was made to feel guilty about beating people. I had a desire to be liked rather than win. I need something to cultivate that killer again.
Progress: I haven't trained at all since I wrote this up. I have to get off my ass. Khoi are you a winner? or a fucking pussy?
Have $2000 worth of shares 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Money has always been an issue for me and I feel the need to lay some foundations for my future. I have recently read "Secrets to the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker. It's a great read. It's the first book I've read which goes into the mindset of someone rich rather than a how-to guide. Alot of the concepts tie in well with all the inner game work I am doing at the moment.
Progress: I already have about $1000 already. I have another $1000 ready to invest next week.
Get a tablet PC 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I tend to operate better when things are accessible to me. I feel as I am always running around I don't have the time to catch up on alot of things and always feel flooded and I don't get anything done. I feel with a tablet PC I will be alot more productive and get alot of things done as I will always have it with me.
Progress: I've seen a few I like and I should have enough to get me one in time for Christmas.
Mentor 3 guys regularly 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
The most rewarding experiences I have had this year have come from helping other guys. I feel it inspires me to improve myself and I seem to be more successful with women when I am coming from a place of giving value to others.
0 guys at the moment. I better get working.
Be able to be sexual with girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I feel the way I express my sexuality is one dimensional and I feel I need to be abit to show my sexuality on more than one level.
Progress: I am still being one dimensional. I have to start working through 100 ways to show interest and intent.
Corruption - no more mr nice guy 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I've been too nice for too long. It has not served me. I sit here and watch others get what I feel I should be having. It's time to fucking empower myself and fucking get shit done!
Progress: I have been going through Matt's burn the nice guy. A few coaches from the Melbourne Lair have also suggested some ideas as well. Based on the fact I am being alot more direct when I go out at night, it must be having some effect on me.
Become comfortable touching girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Though touching girls is not something I have trouble with. I don't do it enough. I feel my game is compartmentalised. If I'm talking to girls, I talk to them. If I'm physical, I'm physical. I don't really blend the two together well and I feel this is where I am falling short with alot of sexy ladies. So far I have made a conscious effort to touch girls and get closer more often.
Progress: You can read my recent nightgame field reports. I have been very direct with my approaches and getting physical very fast with some success. Though I still have a very long way to go.
Become comfortable isolating girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Something that I don't do enough. Or ever really. I feel when I am one-on-one with a girl I am able to take the interaction where I want it to go. But again I don't do it enough and this is limiting my experience and success with women.
Progress: I'm not pushing for isolation enough. It's not something I am doing consciously.
Be able to show my intent with clarity 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I've managed to meet some of the sexiest women ever and yet they have been giving me the run around. I feel this comes down to not being clear with my intent. Because I'm not clear with my intent, I am sending mixed signals and this is where women are playing games with me. I need to be clear so that I know where I stand so that I am not lingering on a weak lead.
Progress: I've only shown it when the girl is reciprocating towards my advances. I need to do it regardless.
Read and practice "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
As a result of doing Vipassana I wanted to dig even deeper into understanding why I behave the way I do and be more aware of the world in which I live. I have listened to Michael Brown's audios and I feel his teachings resonate well with me. I feel going through this process will be of great benefit to me.
Progress: I'm towards the end of week 2 of The Presence Process. I have brought some sensations to the surface but nothing life changing yet. I feel I am alot more responsive in my day-to-day life and not so much reactive.
Finish 5 self development books 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I want to make this a conscious habit. Before this year I could probably count the number of books I have read since high school on my fingers. I have achieved an enormous amount of growth as a person organically by acting on what I felt was right. Now it's time to add some science to it put my development on steroids.
Progress: I've read 4 and well on my way to finishing 5. Ever since I've come back from Vipassana, my capacity to comprehend information is off the charts. Speed reading has also helped my enjoyment for reading.
Compete in a BJJ comp 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I know deep down I am a competitive person but for a long time it has been supressed. As a kid I was a very strong junior tennis player. I had a very domineering style which would rip people apart. I think somewhere during my teenage years I was made to feel guilty about beating people. I had a desire to be liked rather than win. I need something to cultivate that killer again.
Progress: I haven't trained at all since I wrote this up. I have to get off my ass. Khoi are you a winner? or a fucking pussy?
Have $2000 worth of shares 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
Money has always been an issue for me and I feel the need to lay some foundations for my future. I have recently read "Secrets to the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker. It's a great read. It's the first book I've read which goes into the mindset of someone rich rather than a how-to guide. Alot of the concepts tie in well with all the inner game work I am doing at the moment.
Progress: I already have about $1000 already. I have another $1000 ready to invest next week.
Get a tablet PC 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I tend to operate better when things are accessible to me. I feel as I am always running around I don't have the time to catch up on alot of things and always feel flooded and I don't get anything done. I feel with a tablet PC I will be alot more productive and get alot of things done as I will always have it with me.
Progress: I've seen a few I like and I should have enough to get me one in time for Christmas.
Mentor 3 guys regularly 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
The most rewarding experiences I have had this year have come from helping other guys. I feel it inspires me to improve myself and I seem to be more successful with women when I am coming from a place of giving value to others.
0 guys at the moment. I better get working.
Be able to be sexual with girls 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I feel the way I express my sexuality is one dimensional and I feel I need to be abit to show my sexuality on more than one level.
Progress: I am still being one dimensional. I have to start working through 100 ways to show interest and intent.
Corruption - no more mr nice guy 04/11/2010 - 04/02/2011
I've been too nice for too long. It has not served me. I sit here and watch others get what I feel I should be having. It's time to fucking empower myself and fucking get shit done!
Progress: I have been going through Matt's burn the nice guy. A few coaches from the Melbourne Lair have also suggested some ideas as well. Based on the fact I am being alot more direct when I go out at night, it must be having some effect on me.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Activating the inner animal
The last couple of months I feel technically my game is as good as anyones (I've done workshops with just about every coach Melbourne has to offer). However, I'm not seeing the type of results I have been expecting. I have been complacent with just getting a woman's number and just letting things linger till it all fizzles out.
I have always been the nice guy. I am the type of guy who will say "yes" to someone when what I really want to say is "no". If I ordered something at a restaurant and didn't get what I ordered, I suck it up and eat it anyway. I've had people take advantage of me. I've been suckered into signing up for one of the charities from those guys who walk up to you on the street. I could list more. I'm tired of going out, having a good conversation only for it to end with a number which will most likely flake. It's not just affecting me with my results with women but it's affecting me in other areas of life as well.
It's time to crush the little pussy of a voice in my head and bring out the fucking killer. I have taken a few actions to become more empowered and to corrupt myself:
- Went to the strippers the other night with the All Stars after the mastermind session.
- Watching contraversial films. I watched a French film called Irreversible the other day. It's the most fucking disturbing film I've seen. Though there was a sexually violent rape scene where I couldn't help but be turned on.
I watched another film called Baise Moi (the French are really fucked up) which was pretty disturbing as well.
Am I sick as fuck? Probably
- I've been reading on Yakuza and Triad gangs. I'm wanting to get into the mindset of a criminal. Maybe serial killers next :)
- I'm reading a book called Thick Face, Black Heart which is a self development book geared towards self-empowerment
- I'm reading books on caveman types of escalation (Gunwitch, 60 years of challenge)
- Talking to guys who are corrupted.
- I recently just got back into Muay Thai
- I sent some kamikaze texts to girls who have been giving me the run-around. Something along the lines of "I'm tired of playing games. I want you. I want to fuck you. Come see me tonight "
I got a few responses which were promising. I did a number culling on my phone about a month ago. I wish I thought of this earlier.
- Listening to gangsta rap. Get's me thinking about dirty shit.
- Joining a social tennis group. Having competed nationally as a teenager, I know I'll out do most of the people there but I like the idea of controlling and crushing people like ants.
I'm thinking of taking it to another extreme and start reading into dictators like Hitler or Stahlin. Reading books on contraversial characters like Dennis Rodman. Am I taking it to far? Would you rather be a slave or be the boss? Any other suggestions welcome. I want people here calling me a sick fuck within the next month :)
I have always been the nice guy. I am the type of guy who will say "yes" to someone when what I really want to say is "no". If I ordered something at a restaurant and didn't get what I ordered, I suck it up and eat it anyway. I've had people take advantage of me. I've been suckered into signing up for one of the charities from those guys who walk up to you on the street. I could list more. I'm tired of going out, having a good conversation only for it to end with a number which will most likely flake. It's not just affecting me with my results with women but it's affecting me in other areas of life as well.
It's time to crush the little pussy of a voice in my head and bring out the fucking killer. I have taken a few actions to become more empowered and to corrupt myself:
- Went to the strippers the other night with the All Stars after the mastermind session.
- Watching contraversial films. I watched a French film called Irreversible the other day. It's the most fucking disturbing film I've seen. Though there was a sexually violent rape scene where I couldn't help but be turned on.
I watched another film called Baise Moi (the French are really fucked up) which was pretty disturbing as well.
Am I sick as fuck? Probably
- I've been reading on Yakuza and Triad gangs. I'm wanting to get into the mindset of a criminal. Maybe serial killers next :)
- I'm reading a book called Thick Face, Black Heart which is a self development book geared towards self-empowerment
- I'm reading books on caveman types of escalation (Gunwitch, 60 years of challenge)
- Talking to guys who are corrupted.
- I recently just got back into Muay Thai
- I sent some kamikaze texts to girls who have been giving me the run-around. Something along the lines of "I'm tired of playing games. I want you. I want to fuck you. Come see me tonight "
I got a few responses which were promising. I did a number culling on my phone about a month ago. I wish I thought of this earlier.
- Listening to gangsta rap. Get's me thinking about dirty shit.
- Joining a social tennis group. Having competed nationally as a teenager, I know I'll out do most of the people there but I like the idea of controlling and crushing people like ants.
I'm thinking of taking it to another extreme and start reading into dictators like Hitler or Stahlin. Reading books on contraversial characters like Dennis Rodman. Am I taking it to far? Would you rather be a slave or be the boss? Any other suggestions welcome. I want people here calling me a sick fuck within the next month :)
Friday, October 29, 2010
A couple of approaches...
I haven't been out specifically to do daygame recently but I have managed to slip a couple of approaches while out doing my daily errands.
Approach #1: Elegant brunnete
Yesterday, I was walking towards Melbourne Central to get my pants altered (I had just bought a new suit for the races). As I walk towards the traffic light I see an elegantly dressed brunnete. She was dressed as if she was going to the races. Flowy dress, heels and a cute hat. The way she walked was really sexy. Her as would sway left to right and she had alot of poise.
We are both at the crossing but I can't get myself to talk to her. I wait for her to cross the road. I lightly tap her on the shoulder. She freaks out.
Me: Sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. (I give her time to comprehend what is going on)
I had to tell you. You have the most elegant walk I've seen all day.
Her: (she lights up) Thankyou. I'm really sorry I was assaulted last week.
Me: damn that sucks.
I keep things going but then she gets overwhelmed, starts to cry and the poor thing runs off. It kinda affected me a bit. There's not much I could have done in that situation.
Approach #2: Blonde with a face of an angel
I'm working night shift this week and I was having trouble sleeping today so that I could keep awake tonight...grrrr. I decide to head out to grab a bite. I am Australia on Collins eating mexican. As I'm eating my food I see a cute blonde sitting down in front of me. My hands start to sweat and that uncomfortable feeling brews in my chest. I'm telling myself "I'm eating and I've got work tonight. I need to get me some sleep". On the interim I pussy out of talking to her.
I finish my meal and just as I'm finishing my drink I notice she gets up as well. I walk after her and stop her.
Me: "Look this is really stupid of me but I just had to tell you you're absolutely gorgeous".
She lights up and I ask her "what makes you special?"
Her: "ummm...I have a boyfriend"
Me: "that's cool but what makes you special"
She opens up abit more and we talk for abit. Before I leave I ask her "it sucks you have a boyfriend"
Her: I know. We've only started going out. If only you were a day earlier.
I probably could have responded with something like "cool. Let's exchange details and if it doesn't work out we can hang out".
Oh well. I have 0 numbers to follow-up on now so I have some motivation to go out more.
Approach #1: Elegant brunnete
Yesterday, I was walking towards Melbourne Central to get my pants altered (I had just bought a new suit for the races). As I walk towards the traffic light I see an elegantly dressed brunnete. She was dressed as if she was going to the races. Flowy dress, heels and a cute hat. The way she walked was really sexy. Her as would sway left to right and she had alot of poise.
We are both at the crossing but I can't get myself to talk to her. I wait for her to cross the road. I lightly tap her on the shoulder. She freaks out.
Me: Sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. (I give her time to comprehend what is going on)
I had to tell you. You have the most elegant walk I've seen all day.
Her: (she lights up) Thankyou. I'm really sorry I was assaulted last week.
Me: damn that sucks.
I keep things going but then she gets overwhelmed, starts to cry and the poor thing runs off. It kinda affected me a bit. There's not much I could have done in that situation.
Approach #2: Blonde with a face of an angel
I'm working night shift this week and I was having trouble sleeping today so that I could keep awake tonight...grrrr. I decide to head out to grab a bite. I am Australia on Collins eating mexican. As I'm eating my food I see a cute blonde sitting down in front of me. My hands start to sweat and that uncomfortable feeling brews in my chest. I'm telling myself "I'm eating and I've got work tonight. I need to get me some sleep". On the interim I pussy out of talking to her.
I finish my meal and just as I'm finishing my drink I notice she gets up as well. I walk after her and stop her.
Me: "Look this is really stupid of me but I just had to tell you you're absolutely gorgeous".
She lights up and I ask her "what makes you special?"
Her: "ummm...I have a boyfriend"
Me: "that's cool but what makes you special"
She opens up abit more and we talk for abit. Before I leave I ask her "it sucks you have a boyfriend"
Her: I know. We've only started going out. If only you were a day earlier.
I probably could have responded with something like "cool. Let's exchange details and if it doesn't work out we can hang out".
Oh well. I have 0 numbers to follow-up on now so I have some motivation to go out more.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Daygame 27/10/2010: Melbourne CBD
Not much to report today. Hung out with Alex like normal people would. Slipped in a couple approaches. Pussied out of alot...grrrr
Approach #1: Cute brunette
Alex and I were walking through Bourke St mall and in my peripheral I spot a cute brunette. I turn back and open direct. She gladly accepts her validation for the day and walks off.
Approach #2: Corporate Glamazon!
I was walking through hardware lane a few nights back and I saw a bar which caught my eye. Today I thought I check it out as a possible date venue tomorrow. I wouldn't say it's the best place for a date but the atmosphere was pretty good.
I look over to the bar and spot my 10. Blonde, leggy, heels and she was wearing the sexiest corporate outfit...grrrr
I walk over to her and open direct. I felt she responded well. We exchange a few words before I freeze and she walks back to her workmates. I should have walked over and at least went for a number close... I'm gonna have to head there everyday after 5 and track her down! :P
Approach #1: Cute brunette
Alex and I were walking through Bourke St mall and in my peripheral I spot a cute brunette. I turn back and open direct. She gladly accepts her validation for the day and walks off.
Approach #2: Corporate Glamazon!
I was walking through hardware lane a few nights back and I saw a bar which caught my eye. Today I thought I check it out as a possible date venue tomorrow. I wouldn't say it's the best place for a date but the atmosphere was pretty good.
I look over to the bar and spot my 10. Blonde, leggy, heels and she was wearing the sexiest corporate outfit...grrrr
I walk over to her and open direct. I felt she responded well. We exchange a few words before I freeze and she walks back to her workmates. I should have walked over and at least went for a number close... I'm gonna have to head there everyday after 5 and track her down! :P
Monday, October 25, 2010
Pictures of my passions hobbies and interests
Men's Fashion
Muay Thai
Snowboarding
Blondes...grrrr!
Fashion. Legs, skirt, heels...grrrrr!
Tennis
Trance Events
Muay Thai
Snowboarding
Blondes...grrrr!
Fashion. Legs, skirt, heels...grrrrr!
Tennis
Trance Events
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Daygame: Melbourne CBD 21/10/2010
Since returning from vipassana I haven't really done much daygame. Just an approach here and there and nothing really hitting. At the moment I have been experiencing massive approach anxiety and conversational rust. I've probably got only 2 numbers in the past month. One who I'm seeing next week (doorstep girl).
Approach #1: Sunbaking blondie
This week I have been working nightshift and I have had trouble sleeping during the day. Yesterday I went out in attempt to talk to girls but I ended up doing laps around the city before heading to work.
I started today feeling alot of anxiety. As I am walking through the city I see alot of sexy corporate glamours. Suit, skirt and heels...grrrrr! I decide to head to fed square to settle down for a little bit. When I get there I see a gorgeous blonde sunbaking. I walk past her and head to the back of the steps. I sit down and observe my surroundings but I couldn't get the blondie out of my head. I'm sitting there with this disabling feeling in my stomach.
The pain I was feeling became stronger and stronger and it became too much that I had to talk to her. So I got up and walked towards her and opened direct.
"Hey. This is really random but I had to tell you, you're really cute"
She was like "meh". I sat next to her and talked for abit. I asked her what she was upto and she said she was meeting up with her boyfriend. While she did ask me questions, I was feeling rusty trying to come up with things to say. I got stuck so bid her farewell.
Approach #2: Girly girl blondie
I decided after my first approach to head down to Bourke St to see what was over there. There were some sexy ladies who walked past but I couldn't get myself to go over and talk to them. I sat down on one of the benches to watch the traffic walk past. Not long after I sat down I get a call from Reynaldo asking where I was. He was not far from Bourke St so we decide to meet up. I get up and walk up and move towards Swanston St.
As I'm walking up there I spot a very cute girl blonde. She's as cute as a button. I let her walk past then I thought about it for a couple of seconds, turned back and walked after her. I opened direct and I felt she reacted warmly. Again, I was stuck for words and before I could say anything she said "nice meeting you" and walked off.
Approach #3: Sexy combat boots girl
I meet up with Rey and we do a lap of Bourke St. As we're walking towards the GPO, spot a sexy blonde talking on the payphone. I look at Rey and say "my kind of girl". We wait for her to get off the phone and I chase after her. I open direct and she responds warmly and I manage to string a few sentences together. She's in a hurry so I go for the number. She says she has a boyfriend...grrr! I gracefully depart.
Approach #4: Blonde backpacker
Not seeing much going on at Bourke St, Rey and I decide to head to Fed Square. As I we walk up there I see a sexy blonde withdrawing some cash from the ATM. I decide to wait for her to finish.
Once she walks away from the ATM I walk towards her. As I get closer she walks towards a side bench and sits down. I walk up to her and open direct. She smiles and says "Thankyou but I have a boyfriend and he's on his way right now". We exchange a few words before I walk off.
Approach #5: Hiyah!!!
I wouldn't call this an approach but I found it amusing. With little activity between us Rey and I decide to have a beer at the rooftop bar. We chilled out for abit and hit the streets again. As we're walking along Swanston I tell Rey we should do a night of mayhem right now. He agrees. The next group of girls walk towards us and I go "HIYAH!!!" and do a karate stance. They freak out for a second, laugh and say "hi". I probably should have turned back and talked to them. Oh well.
Approach #6: "Hi! I have AIDS"
Before I left for vipassana I approached a girl and opened with "Hi! I have AIDS". We got talking for abit and I probably could have taken the interaction further. Rey and I were walking along Swanston and I see an Asian girl standing on the corner of Swanston and Lonsdale. I walk up to her and say "Hi!" She says "Hi!". I say "I have AIDS" she freaks out and then pulls out her phone and pretends she has a phone call.
Approach #7: Cute brunette
We're walking along Elizabeth St and I spot a cute brunette sitting on the steps outside of the GPO. I walk up to her and open direct. She responds warmly and we chat for abit. I go for the number but she says she has a boyfriend...grrr!
Approach #8: Sexy ginger
We return to fed square to do some approaches before I leave for work. While sitting on the back of the steps I see a sexy ginger wearing red heels and a red handbag. I walk up to her but as I get closer she walks into 7-11. I sit outside and wait for her to come out. When she walks out I get up and stop her and comment on how I like how her heels match her bag. She lights up. I chat for abit but I'm out of words so I go for the close. Again no joy.
Though I know I've had better days I was happy with how I went. I know I'm just rusty at the moment and with a few more sessions I'll be a killer again.
With summer coming I'll be going on some day and night rampages for the next few months. Stay tuned...
Approach #1: Sunbaking blondie
This week I have been working nightshift and I have had trouble sleeping during the day. Yesterday I went out in attempt to talk to girls but I ended up doing laps around the city before heading to work.
I started today feeling alot of anxiety. As I am walking through the city I see alot of sexy corporate glamours. Suit, skirt and heels...grrrrr! I decide to head to fed square to settle down for a little bit. When I get there I see a gorgeous blonde sunbaking. I walk past her and head to the back of the steps. I sit down and observe my surroundings but I couldn't get the blondie out of my head. I'm sitting there with this disabling feeling in my stomach.
The pain I was feeling became stronger and stronger and it became too much that I had to talk to her. So I got up and walked towards her and opened direct.
"Hey. This is really random but I had to tell you, you're really cute"
She was like "meh". I sat next to her and talked for abit. I asked her what she was upto and she said she was meeting up with her boyfriend. While she did ask me questions, I was feeling rusty trying to come up with things to say. I got stuck so bid her farewell.
Approach #2: Girly girl blondie
I decided after my first approach to head down to Bourke St to see what was over there. There were some sexy ladies who walked past but I couldn't get myself to go over and talk to them. I sat down on one of the benches to watch the traffic walk past. Not long after I sat down I get a call from Reynaldo asking where I was. He was not far from Bourke St so we decide to meet up. I get up and walk up and move towards Swanston St.
As I'm walking up there I spot a very cute girl blonde. She's as cute as a button. I let her walk past then I thought about it for a couple of seconds, turned back and walked after her. I opened direct and I felt she reacted warmly. Again, I was stuck for words and before I could say anything she said "nice meeting you" and walked off.
Approach #3: Sexy combat boots girl
I meet up with Rey and we do a lap of Bourke St. As we're walking towards the GPO, spot a sexy blonde talking on the payphone. I look at Rey and say "my kind of girl". We wait for her to get off the phone and I chase after her. I open direct and she responds warmly and I manage to string a few sentences together. She's in a hurry so I go for the number. She says she has a boyfriend...grrr! I gracefully depart.
Approach #4: Blonde backpacker
Not seeing much going on at Bourke St, Rey and I decide to head to Fed Square. As I we walk up there I see a sexy blonde withdrawing some cash from the ATM. I decide to wait for her to finish.
Once she walks away from the ATM I walk towards her. As I get closer she walks towards a side bench and sits down. I walk up to her and open direct. She smiles and says "Thankyou but I have a boyfriend and he's on his way right now". We exchange a few words before I walk off.
Approach #5: Hiyah!!!
I wouldn't call this an approach but I found it amusing. With little activity between us Rey and I decide to have a beer at the rooftop bar. We chilled out for abit and hit the streets again. As we're walking along Swanston I tell Rey we should do a night of mayhem right now. He agrees. The next group of girls walk towards us and I go "HIYAH!!!" and do a karate stance. They freak out for a second, laugh and say "hi". I probably should have turned back and talked to them. Oh well.
Approach #6: "Hi! I have AIDS"
Before I left for vipassana I approached a girl and opened with "Hi! I have AIDS". We got talking for abit and I probably could have taken the interaction further. Rey and I were walking along Swanston and I see an Asian girl standing on the corner of Swanston and Lonsdale. I walk up to her and say "Hi!" She says "Hi!". I say "I have AIDS" she freaks out and then pulls out her phone and pretends she has a phone call.
Approach #7: Cute brunette
We're walking along Elizabeth St and I spot a cute brunette sitting on the steps outside of the GPO. I walk up to her and open direct. She responds warmly and we chat for abit. I go for the number but she says she has a boyfriend...grrr!
Approach #8: Sexy ginger
We return to fed square to do some approaches before I leave for work. While sitting on the back of the steps I see a sexy ginger wearing red heels and a red handbag. I walk up to her but as I get closer she walks into 7-11. I sit outside and wait for her to come out. When she walks out I get up and stop her and comment on how I like how her heels match her bag. She lights up. I chat for abit but I'm out of words so I go for the close. Again no joy.
Though I know I've had better days I was happy with how I went. I know I'm just rusty at the moment and with a few more sessions I'll be a killer again.
With summer coming I'll be going on some day and night rampages for the next few months. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Daily Coaching Wednesday
1 . What do you think you should do first today?
Planks to strengthen my back. 5 x 1 minute sets.
2 . What would be the most helpful thing that you could do now?
Meditation
3 . If money wasn’ t a restriction for you, what would you do?
Travel the world, start my own brothel, start a modelling agency, train martial arts non-stop.
4 . If time wasn’ t a restriction for you, what would you do?
Sex, martial arts, travel, party, meditate, dance.
5 . What would you do if you weren’ t answerable to anyone?
Express myself openly and honestly.
6 . What would (enter name of relevant expert) do in this situation?
He'd fucking grab her. Throw her onto the bed and fuck the shit out of her.
7 . What do you sense God is telling you to do?
Overcome my inner demons. Master my mind.
8 . If you were guaranteed to succeed, what would you do?
Professional tennis player, MMA fighter
9 . What’ s the best use of your time at the moment?
Reflection. Giving myself time to clear my head.
1 0 .If you could only do one thing this week, what would it be?
Pull a sexy blonde out of the club.
1 1 .What can you do better than anyone else in your organisation?
Live a double life.
1 2 .What books should you be reading to help you achieve your goals?
The Presence Process by Michael Brown.
Planks to strengthen my back. 5 x 1 minute sets.
2 . What would be the most helpful thing that you could do now?
Meditation
3 . If money wasn’ t a restriction for you, what would you do?
Travel the world, start my own brothel, start a modelling agency, train martial arts non-stop.
4 . If time wasn’ t a restriction for you, what would you do?
Sex, martial arts, travel, party, meditate, dance.
5 . What would you do if you weren’ t answerable to anyone?
Express myself openly and honestly.
6 . What would (enter name of relevant expert) do in this situation?
He'd fucking grab her. Throw her onto the bed and fuck the shit out of her.
7 . What do you sense God is telling you to do?
Overcome my inner demons. Master my mind.
8 . If you were guaranteed to succeed, what would you do?
Professional tennis player, MMA fighter
9 . What’ s the best use of your time at the moment?
Reflection. Giving myself time to clear my head.
1 0 .If you could only do one thing this week, what would it be?
Pull a sexy blonde out of the club.
1 1 .What can you do better than anyone else in your organisation?
Live a double life.
1 2 .What books should you be reading to help you achieve your goals?
The Presence Process by Michael Brown.
Monday, October 18, 2010
My Vipassana Experience
I have just returned from a 10-day Vipassana course. It's got to be one of the most physically and emotionally intense experiences I've had in my life. While I wouldn't say I'm an entirely different person I have become more aware of how I have caused pain for myself and others.
Coming in...
I came to Vipassana in a pretty bad mental state. I was experiencing some sort of identity crisis. On the outside appears this confident, funny, quirky, sexy and stylish guy but internally I didn't think so. I have grown exponentially in the past year. In growing so fast, I felt the gap between who I was perceived to be and who I was internally was big that I felt a sense of pressure to perform at a certain standard. Because of this I felt like a fraud, I felt like I didn't deserve to be the man I had become and I felt like I was buckling under the pressure I had created for myself. Vipassana gave me some time to reflect on how much I have changed in the past year.
But in this time of reflection I realised the changes I have made didn't start last year, the foundation was laid long before this. I have been running so hard for the past 4-5 years that I never gave myself the time to appreciate my evolution from a boy to a man. I have been judging my growth on my ability to pick up and supressed the accomplishments made in the years leading into getting into pickup. Getting my first fulltime job, improving my fitness, improving my image, becoming less dependent on my parents, overcoming my fear in nightclubs, being able to make friends, earning my degree, working for 3 industry leaders, travelling overseas...
In this time I never really had a break to reflect on what I had accomplished and also the people around me would always talk down my accomplishments. To me these accomplishments were huge but in the eyes of others it was never enough. I never really valued myself and always look to gain the validation of others. My family, in particular.
In the first few days of Vipassana I thought about very trivial things like "I forgot to pay my bills" or "I need to do my taxes quick". Once all the mental noise cleared I started thinking about the things I am really passionate about and things I have set aside because pick-up, living under others expectations, lack of money, distractions... Martial arts and life coaching were two things which came to mind quite often. I thought about how I would grow as a martial artist and what direction I would take in becoming a coach.
More than half of the course had past and I was only addressing things on the surface. I started looking back at my time during high school and how much I was picked on. I had no sense of self-esteem at that time. I was quiet and withdrawn it made me an easy target for bullying as I was pretty much defenseless. I look back even further, I was picked on at primary school as well. Most of my life I have lived in fear, pain and anger. I've never really valued who I was.
Looking back
Wanting to understand why I looked deeper into my past and it brought me to my older sisters. My parents started a clothing manufacturing company and was rarely at home leaving my sisters to take care of me. In past year I have become alot closer with my sisters and we've done alot to clear the air but when I was younger I was fucking scared of them. Sometimes something might trigger me to go back to that young kid that is shit scared of them. I feel to some degree my relationship with my sisters paved the way for future interactions with women. I've never felt comfortable and sometimes I still freak out.
Being the oldest son in an Asian family is a big thing. I feel that my sisters my have felt quite bitter towards me as I got alot of attention from my parents. It was kinda like the four girls before didn't mean anything. Getting new toys all the time while they were made to work with the family business on weekends or after school for no pay as well as taking care of me when I was at home. The second oldest of my four sisters took a massive strain in taking care of all the siblings (at this point I had never met my oldest sister). Though my situation was not ideal at the time, I do appreciate what she had to go through and what he did to raise me.
I started looking back more into my childhood. I have vague memories of my mum being pregnant with my younger brother. I also have memories of the day my brother was born. I remember the flat we used to live in when we first moved to Melbourne when I was about two years old. Then I brought up a memory of me and my mum in the kitchen. I must have been 3 years old. I used to love cake and I remember I would ask my mum to bake me a cake. She would goto the supermarket and get the cake mix, bring it home and we would mix the cake together. My mum would put the cake in the oven and I would sit in front of the oven as cake was being baked.
This brought me to tears. A memory which I had kept supressed for years. My parents and I are very distant. I can't remember the last time we've really enjoyed being in the company of eachother.
In my early years I had a really good childhood. Though my parents barely had any money, they sacrificed alot to make me happy. I had a tight bond with my youngest sister and my little brother and we shared alot of great memories. Years past where we all just grew apart. I uncovered alot of happy memories from when I was a little boy. I was happy. I was fearless.
I also brought up the memory of the day we were getting our Australian citizenship. I didn't understand the importance of it at the time but I knew it was a very happy moment for my dad. My dad had to go through a lot of pain to get us to this point. He served in the Vietnam war assisting the US forces, he was taken prisoner by the Communists for 6 years not knowing whether or not he would see his family ever again. I remember I was next to him as he went on stage with the family to get our certificate. It was a moment where I shared a strong bond with my father. Back then I used to think my dad was my hero but for some reason I let go of that. I've mentioned recently that I feel like I am starting to go back to being the person I was a year ago but this time round I am more accepting of him. I feel like I am becoming the person I was as a kid. Only a more polished version. I see my dad as my hero.
To go through what he has gone through and to provide me the life that I have today shows the heart and strength of a man.
Attachment
When I was about 5 or 6, my parents started their clothing manufacturing company and I was left to be raised by my 2nd and 3rd older sisters. While they did make an effort to take care of me, they were very hard on me to the point I feared them. Up until my early 20s, my sisters have had control over my life. It was during these years I created attachment to these childhood memories which I had supressed for a long time. Wanting to experience the same sensations from my childhood I have gone on bouts of self-sabotage. Taking drugs, excessive drinking, hurting those I care about and drawing those who brought me down further.
Little did I know that at a young age that this strong attachment would cause me pain and suffering today. From this experience at Vipassana I have learned to forgive myself for the pain I've cause but I have also taken responsibility for the actions I've taken in the past. Now that I am aware of the core of alot of my pain and misery, I feel I am ready to transcend them and take the next step in my journey.
In doing Vipassana I have come to appreciate myself more, I feel I am ready to reconnect with my family, I have a better understanding of the source of my fears and ready to make the shift and come from a place of love.
Coming in...
I came to Vipassana in a pretty bad mental state. I was experiencing some sort of identity crisis. On the outside appears this confident, funny, quirky, sexy and stylish guy but internally I didn't think so. I have grown exponentially in the past year. In growing so fast, I felt the gap between who I was perceived to be and who I was internally was big that I felt a sense of pressure to perform at a certain standard. Because of this I felt like a fraud, I felt like I didn't deserve to be the man I had become and I felt like I was buckling under the pressure I had created for myself. Vipassana gave me some time to reflect on how much I have changed in the past year.
But in this time of reflection I realised the changes I have made didn't start last year, the foundation was laid long before this. I have been running so hard for the past 4-5 years that I never gave myself the time to appreciate my evolution from a boy to a man. I have been judging my growth on my ability to pick up and supressed the accomplishments made in the years leading into getting into pickup. Getting my first fulltime job, improving my fitness, improving my image, becoming less dependent on my parents, overcoming my fear in nightclubs, being able to make friends, earning my degree, working for 3 industry leaders, travelling overseas...
In this time I never really had a break to reflect on what I had accomplished and also the people around me would always talk down my accomplishments. To me these accomplishments were huge but in the eyes of others it was never enough. I never really valued myself and always look to gain the validation of others. My family, in particular.
In the first few days of Vipassana I thought about very trivial things like "I forgot to pay my bills" or "I need to do my taxes quick". Once all the mental noise cleared I started thinking about the things I am really passionate about and things I have set aside because pick-up, living under others expectations, lack of money, distractions... Martial arts and life coaching were two things which came to mind quite often. I thought about how I would grow as a martial artist and what direction I would take in becoming a coach.
More than half of the course had past and I was only addressing things on the surface. I started looking back at my time during high school and how much I was picked on. I had no sense of self-esteem at that time. I was quiet and withdrawn it made me an easy target for bullying as I was pretty much defenseless. I look back even further, I was picked on at primary school as well. Most of my life I have lived in fear, pain and anger. I've never really valued who I was.
Looking back
Wanting to understand why I looked deeper into my past and it brought me to my older sisters. My parents started a clothing manufacturing company and was rarely at home leaving my sisters to take care of me. In past year I have become alot closer with my sisters and we've done alot to clear the air but when I was younger I was fucking scared of them. Sometimes something might trigger me to go back to that young kid that is shit scared of them. I feel to some degree my relationship with my sisters paved the way for future interactions with women. I've never felt comfortable and sometimes I still freak out.
Being the oldest son in an Asian family is a big thing. I feel that my sisters my have felt quite bitter towards me as I got alot of attention from my parents. It was kinda like the four girls before didn't mean anything. Getting new toys all the time while they were made to work with the family business on weekends or after school for no pay as well as taking care of me when I was at home. The second oldest of my four sisters took a massive strain in taking care of all the siblings (at this point I had never met my oldest sister). Though my situation was not ideal at the time, I do appreciate what she had to go through and what he did to raise me.
I started looking back more into my childhood. I have vague memories of my mum being pregnant with my younger brother. I also have memories of the day my brother was born. I remember the flat we used to live in when we first moved to Melbourne when I was about two years old. Then I brought up a memory of me and my mum in the kitchen. I must have been 3 years old. I used to love cake and I remember I would ask my mum to bake me a cake. She would goto the supermarket and get the cake mix, bring it home and we would mix the cake together. My mum would put the cake in the oven and I would sit in front of the oven as cake was being baked.
This brought me to tears. A memory which I had kept supressed for years. My parents and I are very distant. I can't remember the last time we've really enjoyed being in the company of eachother.
In my early years I had a really good childhood. Though my parents barely had any money, they sacrificed alot to make me happy. I had a tight bond with my youngest sister and my little brother and we shared alot of great memories. Years past where we all just grew apart. I uncovered alot of happy memories from when I was a little boy. I was happy. I was fearless.
I also brought up the memory of the day we were getting our Australian citizenship. I didn't understand the importance of it at the time but I knew it was a very happy moment for my dad. My dad had to go through a lot of pain to get us to this point. He served in the Vietnam war assisting the US forces, he was taken prisoner by the Communists for 6 years not knowing whether or not he would see his family ever again. I remember I was next to him as he went on stage with the family to get our certificate. It was a moment where I shared a strong bond with my father. Back then I used to think my dad was my hero but for some reason I let go of that. I've mentioned recently that I feel like I am starting to go back to being the person I was a year ago but this time round I am more accepting of him. I feel like I am becoming the person I was as a kid. Only a more polished version. I see my dad as my hero.
To go through what he has gone through and to provide me the life that I have today shows the heart and strength of a man.
Attachment
When I was about 5 or 6, my parents started their clothing manufacturing company and I was left to be raised by my 2nd and 3rd older sisters. While they did make an effort to take care of me, they were very hard on me to the point I feared them. Up until my early 20s, my sisters have had control over my life. It was during these years I created attachment to these childhood memories which I had supressed for a long time. Wanting to experience the same sensations from my childhood I have gone on bouts of self-sabotage. Taking drugs, excessive drinking, hurting those I care about and drawing those who brought me down further.
Little did I know that at a young age that this strong attachment would cause me pain and suffering today. From this experience at Vipassana I have learned to forgive myself for the pain I've cause but I have also taken responsibility for the actions I've taken in the past. Now that I am aware of the core of alot of my pain and misery, I feel I am ready to transcend them and take the next step in my journey.
In doing Vipassana I have come to appreciate myself more, I feel I am ready to reconnect with my family, I have a better understanding of the source of my fears and ready to make the shift and come from a place of love.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Overwhelmed
The last few weeks I feel like I have been overwhelmed. By work, by all-stars, by pick-up, by women, by friends, by family. It feels like all this pressure is falling on top of me and while I feel I should be stepping up, I feel like I am buckling under the pressure. The last few weeks...months... I have been going through bouts of self-sabotage. Pushing away people I care about or pushing away women I genuinely find attractive, pushing away friends who have helped me on my path and drawing those who have served only to ruin it. I haven't been taking care of my body. I have been drinking alot and eating poorly. I can't be bothered at work. I can't be bothered getting out of bed in the morning.
In the last few months I have experienced exponential growth as a person but at the same time I feel like my beliefs are lagging behind. While I may appear to be more confident, more happy and having more success in my life deep down I feel I don't deserve it. I know what I need to do and yet I do things that only cause me more pain. I know that the actions and decisions I have been making recently will only cause me more pain and yet I still do them.
My head is not in the right space at the moment and I feel I need to step away for a little a bit. I need time outside my current environment so that I have a chance to view myself in a third person perspective and assess where I am and what I need to do to get to where I want to go. While I do not feel on top of the world I feel this is a good experience for me.
I was listening to some self-help audio yesterday which talked about self-sabotage. It said something along the lines of self-sabotage occurs when we are close to achieving something big or something that means something to us. Which got me thinking. Since the start of this year I was looking at a promotion at work and let it slip away, I have blown opportunities with sexy women who have found me attractive as I didn't believe I deserved it, the friends I have made in the past year have been nothing but great to me and yet I feel the need to be around my old group of friends who put me down and don't give me the respect I deserve.
I feel that I am in much need for a break. I find it hard as I feel that I am quitting and I am letting a lot of people down by doing so. In the short time I've been in the community, I've seen people come and go. The last thing I want to be is one of those people. Many times in my life I have come so close to achieving something of importance to me only to let it all slip away. I don't want it to happen again. I can't let it happen. I feel this time off will give me some perpective on my current situation and allow me to recharge so that I can come back stronger.
So for the next couple of weeks I am taking a break to reflect and give myself time to appreciate the growth I've experienced in the past year. In that time off I'll be at vipassana. I think the quiet time will give me an opportunity to get me in the right headspace and come back with a clear mind.
In the last few months I have experienced exponential growth as a person but at the same time I feel like my beliefs are lagging behind. While I may appear to be more confident, more happy and having more success in my life deep down I feel I don't deserve it. I know what I need to do and yet I do things that only cause me more pain. I know that the actions and decisions I have been making recently will only cause me more pain and yet I still do them.
My head is not in the right space at the moment and I feel I need to step away for a little a bit. I need time outside my current environment so that I have a chance to view myself in a third person perspective and assess where I am and what I need to do to get to where I want to go. While I do not feel on top of the world I feel this is a good experience for me.
I was listening to some self-help audio yesterday which talked about self-sabotage. It said something along the lines of self-sabotage occurs when we are close to achieving something big or something that means something to us. Which got me thinking. Since the start of this year I was looking at a promotion at work and let it slip away, I have blown opportunities with sexy women who have found me attractive as I didn't believe I deserved it, the friends I have made in the past year have been nothing but great to me and yet I feel the need to be around my old group of friends who put me down and don't give me the respect I deserve.
I feel that I am in much need for a break. I find it hard as I feel that I am quitting and I am letting a lot of people down by doing so. In the short time I've been in the community, I've seen people come and go. The last thing I want to be is one of those people. Many times in my life I have come so close to achieving something of importance to me only to let it all slip away. I don't want it to happen again. I can't let it happen. I feel this time off will give me some perpective on my current situation and allow me to recharge so that I can come back stronger.
So for the next couple of weeks I am taking a break to reflect and give myself time to appreciate the growth I've experienced in the past year. In that time off I'll be at vipassana. I think the quiet time will give me an opportunity to get me in the right headspace and come back with a clear mind.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Inspiration
I love trance music. The way it bottles up my emotions and takes it on a ride. It is like the soundtrack of my life. It starts off slow but uplifting and strong in the end. I feel this is the direction my life is headed.
In the last few weeks I have been feeling down. May it be due to a slowdown in progress? Perhaps. It has made me feel useless. I find I am doubting myself. I feel like I don't deserve the success that I have achieved and as a result I find myself sabotaging myself. Pusing away people who care about me and attracting those who don't serve me. I have made some positive changes recently and yet there is a part of me which wants me to fuck it up.
There is something about trance music which changes my mood. There's like a tingle which goes through my spine when I listen to the music. I tend to listen to more melodic trance it seems to lift my mood. Telling me everything is gonna be ok.
I have spent the last few days looking for inspiration. I have found it in trance music. I have found it in the people who have become my close friends. I have found it in the people I admire. I have found it in the journals I have read in all stars.
I'm not feeling on top of the world but I know these feelings will pass. I have learned not to fight what I am feeling and embrace it. It has allowed me to love and accept myself more. I recognise that I am human and it is OK to feel the way I am.
In the last few weeks I have been feeling down. May it be due to a slowdown in progress? Perhaps. It has made me feel useless. I find I am doubting myself. I feel like I don't deserve the success that I have achieved and as a result I find myself sabotaging myself. Pusing away people who care about me and attracting those who don't serve me. I have made some positive changes recently and yet there is a part of me which wants me to fuck it up.
There is something about trance music which changes my mood. There's like a tingle which goes through my spine when I listen to the music. I tend to listen to more melodic trance it seems to lift my mood. Telling me everything is gonna be ok.
I have spent the last few days looking for inspiration. I have found it in trance music. I have found it in the people who have become my close friends. I have found it in the people I admire. I have found it in the journals I have read in all stars.
I'm not feeling on top of the world but I know these feelings will pass. I have learned not to fight what I am feeling and embrace it. It has allowed me to love and accept myself more. I recognise that I am human and it is OK to feel the way I am.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Daily Coaching Saturday
1. What will help you better understand your current situation?
Journaling my current feelings. Giving myself time to think things through.
2. What is important when it comes to motivating yourself?
Don't push myself over the edge.
3. How do you feel when you know exactly what you want?
Inquisitive. I want to find out what it takes to get it.
4. What do you want? How will you know exactly when you have got it, what will you see?
I want a life where I am having an effect on the lives of others. I know I'll have it when I feel I am no longer feel the need to invest so much in myself as I am living the life I dream of.
5. Looking back having already achieved your goals, what do you know?
I am a person who can set goals and achieve them.
6. How do you want to be recognized?
As a person who gives value to others and inspires other to be amazing.
7. What do you do to slow your progress?
Self-sabbotage. I take too much on board.
8. How have you transformed this week?
Not quite. I'm on the cusp.
9. Would you date yourself? (yes/no) why?
Yes. I am a man on a journey. I have goals and dreams. I inspire people and give value to others. I am confident, funny, quirky, stylish and god damn sexy!
10. What is at your core?
At my core I am a man on my journey of self-discovery.
Journaling my current feelings. Giving myself time to think things through.
2. What is important when it comes to motivating yourself?
Don't push myself over the edge.
3. How do you feel when you know exactly what you want?
Inquisitive. I want to find out what it takes to get it.
4. What do you want? How will you know exactly when you have got it, what will you see?
I want a life where I am having an effect on the lives of others. I know I'll have it when I feel I am no longer feel the need to invest so much in myself as I am living the life I dream of.
5. Looking back having already achieved your goals, what do you know?
I am a person who can set goals and achieve them.
6. How do you want to be recognized?
As a person who gives value to others and inspires other to be amazing.
7. What do you do to slow your progress?
Self-sabbotage. I take too much on board.
8. How have you transformed this week?
Not quite. I'm on the cusp.
9. Would you date yourself? (yes/no) why?
Yes. I am a man on a journey. I have goals and dreams. I inspire people and give value to others. I am confident, funny, quirky, stylish and god damn sexy!
10. What is at your core?
At my core I am a man on my journey of self-discovery.
Daily Coaching Friday
1. Where is your self-esteem at the moment?
I think it's pretty good when thinking about it in the distance but no so much in the moment.
2. What can you learn from the bad stuff in your life so it never happens again?
Tough times don't last. Tough people do.
3. What do I need to do to get better at (insert specific ares)?
Women. Reference experiences. I need to find ways to meet more women. I have booked in for speed dating and I am dabbling at online dating.
Money. Monitor my daily spending habits. Spend time with people who aren't crazy with their money. Talk to people who are good with money.
Health. Get back to the gym. Eat right.
4. What is (insert name) doing to achieve things and how can I replicate them?
5. How can I achieve more with less effort?
6. What am I going to do to enjoy my day today?
I watched inspirational videos.
7. How good do I want to get at this, and how can I get there at in the quickest and most fun way?
Be around fun people. Being smart with the actions I take.
8. What do you have to do to increase productivity whilst having more fun?
Give myself more time to rest and reflect.
9. What is a question that would be good to ask yourself?
What do you want?
10. Of all the benefits of doing All Stars which is the biggest to you?
Hearing the stories of where people came from and how they have come to be now.
I think it's pretty good when thinking about it in the distance but no so much in the moment.
2. What can you learn from the bad stuff in your life so it never happens again?
Tough times don't last. Tough people do.
3. What do I need to do to get better at (insert specific ares)?
Women. Reference experiences. I need to find ways to meet more women. I have booked in for speed dating and I am dabbling at online dating.
Money. Monitor my daily spending habits. Spend time with people who aren't crazy with their money. Talk to people who are good with money.
Health. Get back to the gym. Eat right.
4. What is (insert name) doing to achieve things and how can I replicate them?
5. How can I achieve more with less effort?
6. What am I going to do to enjoy my day today?
I watched inspirational videos.
7. How good do I want to get at this, and how can I get there at in the quickest and most fun way?
Be around fun people. Being smart with the actions I take.
8. What do you have to do to increase productivity whilst having more fun?
Give myself more time to rest and reflect.
9. What is a question that would be good to ask yourself?
What do you want?
10. Of all the benefits of doing All Stars which is the biggest to you?
Hearing the stories of where people came from and how they have come to be now.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
What did I forget today? 23/09/2010
1. Did I forget to be happy?
No. I spent time with friends, arranged a date with a cute girl, created some inspirational reminders on my phone.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
No. At work there are times when I deal with people I don't like and automatically it triggers me to act in a negative way.
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
No.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I felt comfortable in my own skin.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
No. I felt I was putting myself out there today.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
No. I was being creative in the way I am being inspired.
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
No.
No. I spent time with friends, arranged a date with a cute girl, created some inspirational reminders on my phone.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
No. At work there are times when I deal with people I don't like and automatically it triggers me to act in a negative way.
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
No.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I felt comfortable in my own skin.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
No. I felt I was putting myself out there today.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
No. I was being creative in the way I am being inspired.
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
No.
Daily Coaching Thursday
1. How can you turn your problems around and immediately enjoy the process?
Accepting there is a problem and take small steps towards changing.
2. Has there ever been a time you felt a lot of freedom? Describe what it was like.
I don't think there was a time I was entirely free though there were times I had glimpses of what is possible. It gave me a sense of hope that great things are to come.
3. What is just outside your comfort zone?
In terms of pick-up, showing my intent. Some days I am a person who does it other days I'm scared of what girls will think. In other areas of my life, asking people for help, saying "no" when people ask me to do things which don't serve me.
4. If you were your own coach, what 5 tips would you give yourself?
- The world sees you as this confident, funny, sexy guy. Believe you are too.
- Don't be afraid to express yourself.
- Take baby steps instead of taking huge giant steps. You're only going to set yourself up for failure.
5. Are you happy? Give a score out of 10. How could you increase that score?
I would say I am a 6. Taking the time to do things I enjoy, giving myself some space to reflect.
6. Google “The Emotional Guidance Scale? Where are you on it right now?
13. Doubt
7. Youtube a motivational video – what do you find? Post the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkCFeNeqyHk
8. Which celebrity do you most identify with, and why?
Ben Cousins. Troubled and misunderstood.
9. What could you try now if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Chasing models, training muay thai, become a DJ, learn the guitar, speak Spanish, learn salsa.
10. What might it be useful to believe?
Anything is possible.
Accepting there is a problem and take small steps towards changing.
2. Has there ever been a time you felt a lot of freedom? Describe what it was like.
I don't think there was a time I was entirely free though there were times I had glimpses of what is possible. It gave me a sense of hope that great things are to come.
3. What is just outside your comfort zone?
In terms of pick-up, showing my intent. Some days I am a person who does it other days I'm scared of what girls will think. In other areas of my life, asking people for help, saying "no" when people ask me to do things which don't serve me.
4. If you were your own coach, what 5 tips would you give yourself?
- The world sees you as this confident, funny, sexy guy. Believe you are too.
- Don't be afraid to express yourself.
- Take baby steps instead of taking huge giant steps. You're only going to set yourself up for failure.
5. Are you happy? Give a score out of 10. How could you increase that score?
I would say I am a 6. Taking the time to do things I enjoy, giving myself some space to reflect.
6. Google “The Emotional Guidance Scale? Where are you on it right now?
13. Doubt
7. Youtube a motivational video – what do you find? Post the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkCFeNeqyHk
8. Which celebrity do you most identify with, and why?
Ben Cousins. Troubled and misunderstood.
9. What could you try now if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Chasing models, training muay thai, become a DJ, learn the guitar, speak Spanish, learn salsa.
10. What might it be useful to believe?
Anything is possible.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What did I forget today? 22/09/2010
1. Did I forget to be happy?
Not really. I was in the company of friends who make me feel happy.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
Yes
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
No. I wouldn't call it a mistake. I would call it a realisation.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I felt comfortable in my own skin.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
No. I felt I was putting myself out there today.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
Yes
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
Yes
Not really. I was in the company of friends who make me feel happy.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
Yes
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
No. I wouldn't call it a mistake. I would call it a realisation.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I felt comfortable in my own skin.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
No. I felt I was putting myself out there today.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
Yes
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
Yes
What did I forget today? 21/09/2010
1. Did I forget to be happy?
Yes. Though I did have moments of amusement.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
Probably doubt.
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
Yes.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes. I feel there are times where I don't give people a chance.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I have a need to conduct myself confidently all the time.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
At times yes. Usually at work.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
Yes
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
Yes
Yes. Though I did have moments of amusement.
2. Did I forget negative feelings like hatred, resentment, frustration?
Probably doubt.
3. Did I forget to rise above my mistakes of yesterday?
Yes.
4. Did I forget to be compassionate?
Yes. I feel there are times where I don't give people a chance.
5. Did I forget to be self-confident?
No. I have a need to conduct myself confidently all the time.
6. Did I forget to be myself and try to be someone else?
At times yes. Usually at work.
7. Did I forget that I am creative and can improve my self-image through the power of my imagination?
Yes
8. Did I forget to relax and improve my self-image?
Yes
Why do I like myself?
- I am confident
- Women find me sexy
- I am ambitious
- I always look for something better
- I am friendly
- I always put others first
- I am always looking to develop myself
- I am resilient
- I am unique
- I have something to share with others
- I am a deep thinker
- I am sexy
- I am stylish
- I am quirky
- I am funny
- I inspire others
- I am determined
- I am resilient
- I am creative
- I am loving
- I am evolving to something amazing
- I have my fears and I am not the only one
- I regularly go out of my comfort zone
- Women find me sexy
- I am ambitious
- I always look for something better
- I am friendly
- I always put others first
- I am always looking to develop myself
- I am resilient
- I am unique
- I have something to share with others
- I am a deep thinker
- I am sexy
- I am stylish
- I am quirky
- I am funny
- I inspire others
- I am determined
- I am resilient
- I am creative
- I am loving
- I am evolving to something amazing
- I have my fears and I am not the only one
- I regularly go out of my comfort zone
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Daily Coaching Wednesday
1. What is the most resourceful state for you to be in right now as you go about your day?
Low energy, chilled, relaxed
2. What is it time to stop doing?
Procastinating and put things into action.
3. What will absolutely motivate you to do take twice your normal daily amount of action today?
Money, women, food, clothes and a sexy body.
4. How will you feel when you smash your effort and results today?
Fucking awesome!
5. What needs to happen for you to have inner peace?
Time to myself to reflect, relax and gather my thoughts.
6. What will your life be like when you master your use of time?
I''ll have the freedom and the flexibility to do what I want, when I want.
7. How can you talk to 3 extra people today that you normally wouldn’t?
Goto clothing stores, approach sexy ladies on the street, talk to a pan-handler
8. What is funny about all your problems?
In the past it wasn't really a problem when I look back. I created the problems.
9. What is really great about your sexuality?
I am exploring it and I am becoming more comfortable about it. I want to learn more about my sexuality.
10. What changes if you clearly see yourself being successful?
My actions, the way I walk, talk, my mood. I'm more positive. I have a jolt of excitement.
Low energy, chilled, relaxed
2. What is it time to stop doing?
Procastinating and put things into action.
3. What will absolutely motivate you to do take twice your normal daily amount of action today?
Money, women, food, clothes and a sexy body.
4. How will you feel when you smash your effort and results today?
Fucking awesome!
5. What needs to happen for you to have inner peace?
Time to myself to reflect, relax and gather my thoughts.
6. What will your life be like when you master your use of time?
I''ll have the freedom and the flexibility to do what I want, when I want.
7. How can you talk to 3 extra people today that you normally wouldn’t?
Goto clothing stores, approach sexy ladies on the street, talk to a pan-handler
8. What is funny about all your problems?
In the past it wasn't really a problem when I look back. I created the problems.
9. What is really great about your sexuality?
I am exploring it and I am becoming more comfortable about it. I want to learn more about my sexuality.
10. What changes if you clearly see yourself being successful?
My actions, the way I walk, talk, my mood. I'm more positive. I have a jolt of excitement.
All Stars Guillermo - Scores Breakdown
20/09/2010
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Attended Almog's talk
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Attended Almog's talk
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
21/09/2010
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
22/09/2010
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Attended Almog's talk
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Attended Almog's talk
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
21/09/2010
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
22/09/2010
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Daygame
150 - Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes attempting to achieve your goal - Daygame
40 - Take a solid action step towards my goal - Tantra practice
Monday, September 20, 2010
Daily coaching Tuesday
1. What makes you angry in your life?
Uncertainty, lack of control, lack of freedom.
2. What stuff tends to put you in a mood?
Being tied down, not having the freedom to express myself.
3. How can you use that negativity to help you?
I can use negativity as an action trigger in order to achieve something positive.
4. What are you tolerating?
5. What is your current clean sweep score?
34
6. What could you do to increase your clean sweep score by 2 this week?
Put 10% of my money aside for savings
Write a financial plan
7. What is a trigger for being unproductive for you?
Fear, being upset
8. How could you become more consistent?
Set small goals for myself rather than making this huge goal.
9. How do you display your uniqueness generally?
The way I dress, my weird sense of humour, my acceptance of being introverted.
10. How can you improve your use of “touch” in social situations today?
Get closer, fast!
Uncertainty, lack of control, lack of freedom.
2. What stuff tends to put you in a mood?
Being tied down, not having the freedom to express myself.
3. How can you use that negativity to help you?
I can use negativity as an action trigger in order to achieve something positive.
4. What are you tolerating?
5. What is your current clean sweep score?
34
6. What could you do to increase your clean sweep score by 2 this week?
Put 10% of my money aside for savings
Write a financial plan
7. What is a trigger for being unproductive for you?
Fear, being upset
8. How could you become more consistent?
Set small goals for myself rather than making this huge goal.
9. How do you display your uniqueness generally?
The way I dress, my weird sense of humour, my acceptance of being introverted.
10. How can you improve your use of “touch” in social situations today?
Get closer, fast!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Goals to reach in the next 90 days
I have kind of gone off the rails in the last few weeks and I am ready to get back on track. I'm starting fresh and I've redone my goals to add some juice.
Start Date Finish Date The Specific Measurable Goal Completed
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 1.To be able to confidently express myself sexually with women
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 4.To compete in a BJJ competition
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 8.To be more open about my fears and mental blockages
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 10.Create a strong presence in any situation
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 11.Create another avenue of passive income. Ebay business.
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 12.Infiltrate and build a new social circle consisting of sexy ladies
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 13.Have rolemodels and mentors influence me each day
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 14.Start an Image and Style blog
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 15.Organise a charity event
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 16.Achieve a full-body orgasm
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 7.Enjoy 10 dates with 10 different women
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 7.Have a financial plan to have my dream life within the next 5 years
Start Date Finish Date The Specific Measurable Goal Completed
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 1.To be able to confidently express myself sexually with women
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 4.To compete in a BJJ competition
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 8.To be more open about my fears and mental blockages
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 10.Create a strong presence in any situation
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 11.Create another avenue of passive income. Ebay business.
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 12.Infiltrate and build a new social circle consisting of sexy ladies
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 13.Have rolemodels and mentors influence me each day
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 14.Start an Image and Style blog
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 15.Organise a charity event
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 16.Achieve a full-body orgasm
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 7.Enjoy 10 dates with 10 different women
20/09/2010 20/12/2010 7.Have a financial plan to have my dream life within the next 5 years
Monday, September 6, 2010
Daygame 06/08/2010: Melbourne CBD
Only one approach today. I wasn't feeling nervous or anything but for some reason I couldn't get myself to approach. There was a gorgeous redhead I let walk past me and told myself she's too far away now. I know this is bullshit as I've run after girls from more than 50 metres away. I can't really argue with the quality out there today, I was just in my head more than I am usually.
Anyway the woman I spoke to was a gorgeous brunette wearing glasses and corporate attire. Very sexy. I stopped at the traffic lights to cross the road and I noticed her in my peripheral. We both cross the road and I stop her beside me and open direct.
I felt she responded warmly but she was quick to mention she had a boyfriend. I roll with it and continue talking with her for a bit before letting her go.
I felt that I wasn't able to keep the conversation flowing. I think looking back I was thinking more about what I was going to say next.
Something I've picked up on reading on some of my last posts is that I have not been demonstrating intent in my interactions recently. While I don't feel it's always necessary in daygame I do feel I need to put it out there.
Validating my belief that I'm OK as I am
As mentioned in one of my previous posts I mentioned that I feel I am coming full circle. Growing up, I was a weird, creepy, quiet and introverted. I feel I have come back to being that same guy but I am more accepting of him. I have the belief that women find me attractive as I am which is funny as growing up I felt I was an easy target for bullying for being the way I was. It made me feel bad about myself and made me become someone I wasn't to get acceptance from others.
I got this text while I was working Saturday night:
L: Hey this is that poor blonde girl u harassed on the street last night. Thought u may like my number :)
Me: hey L. its not harassment if its in front of my house :)
L: Ah good reply
Monday afternoon:
Me: something i forgot to tell you the other day :)
L: And what was that?lol
Me: i lurrrve cake :)
L: Ok that's random...lol. why do you 'lurrrve' cake?
Me: why not? :P
L: Haha.well I'm still rather flummoxed at your comment...is this how guys chat to girls these days?haha
Me: no. just me :)
L: Well aren't u a strange one?I like ;)
A number of times recently I've had girls call me strange or weird but I still feel like they enjoy talking to me. These experiences have helped me to validate that I'm OK as I am. I think in my case women were right when they said "just be yourself".
Anyway the woman I spoke to was a gorgeous brunette wearing glasses and corporate attire. Very sexy. I stopped at the traffic lights to cross the road and I noticed her in my peripheral. We both cross the road and I stop her beside me and open direct.
I felt she responded warmly but she was quick to mention she had a boyfriend. I roll with it and continue talking with her for a bit before letting her go.
I felt that I wasn't able to keep the conversation flowing. I think looking back I was thinking more about what I was going to say next.
Something I've picked up on reading on some of my last posts is that I have not been demonstrating intent in my interactions recently. While I don't feel it's always necessary in daygame I do feel I need to put it out there.
Validating my belief that I'm OK as I am
As mentioned in one of my previous posts I mentioned that I feel I am coming full circle. Growing up, I was a weird, creepy, quiet and introverted. I feel I have come back to being that same guy but I am more accepting of him. I have the belief that women find me attractive as I am which is funny as growing up I felt I was an easy target for bullying for being the way I was. It made me feel bad about myself and made me become someone I wasn't to get acceptance from others.
I got this text while I was working Saturday night:
L: Hey this is that poor blonde girl u harassed on the street last night. Thought u may like my number :)
Me: hey L. its not harassment if its in front of my house :)
L: Ah good reply
Monday afternoon:
Me: something i forgot to tell you the other day :)
L: And what was that?lol
Me: i lurrrve cake :)
L: Ok that's random...lol. why do you 'lurrrve' cake?
Me: why not? :P
L: Haha.well I'm still rather flummoxed at your comment...is this how guys chat to girls these days?haha
Me: no. just me :)
L: Well aren't u a strange one?I like ;)
A number of times recently I've had girls call me strange or weird but I still feel like they enjoy talking to me. These experiences have helped me to validate that I'm OK as I am. I think in my case women were right when they said "just be yourself".
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Daygame 05/08/2010: Melbourne CBD
I woke up late this afternoon and got a text from Keith to see if I wanted to do some daygame. I happily agreed. I met up with him at the usual spot, Bourke St mall. I was feeling pretty good today. I didn't feel much in the way of anxiety. I felt today I approached relaxed and felt pretty calm when talking to women today. I think writing up on some of my reference experiences in the last couple of months has helped me appreciate how much I've grown.
In my field reports I've written mainly about the girls I do approach but I never talk about the girls I don't approach. I think for my development I will document as much as I can to help me become aware of what I am feeling and what mental blocks are stopping me from approaching.
Approach #1: Cute blonde in tight pants
Keith and I were walking in the GPO. As we approach the exit I see a cute blonde walking in. I let her walk past, spin around and open. I noticed she could see me in her peripheral so I opened from where I was following so that I wouldn't creep her out. She stopped and I locked eyes with her. She smiles.
"I know this is totally out of the blue but I just had to come talk to you because you're really beautiful."
I challenged her abit and though she was struggling she was trying to qualify herself to me. It seemed like I was creating too much pressure so I toned it down to something simpler and abit more playful. I felt we had a great vibe going. I went for the number but she said she had a boyfriend. I teased her on it for abit and we talked some more before letting her on her way.
Though this didn't go anywhere I felt that for a first approach it was pretty smooth. I felt I could have done a better job in relating to what she was saying. We got talking about fashion and I didn't follow up. I feel fashion is one of my master conversation topics and would have built deeper into a connection. I was happy that I could see I was creating pressure and I was able to release when it built up.
Keith and I were walking inside Melbourne Central and there was a two set walking right in front of us. One was wearing black skinny jeans and heels. As soon as I saw her I was making abit of a moan. I wanted her but yet I couldn't get myself to talk to her. The impulse was there to approach yet I was quick to stop myself for some reason.
Reminder to myself. I've done group sets before and have had fun interactions and have got numbers when I have done them.
Approach #2: Ralph Lauren girl
I was walking out of Myer and I spot a cute brunette texting on her phone. Even though I walked for abit after noticing her. I didn't feel any sense of anxiety. Kinda felt like I approached her because I was ready to not because I felt I had to.
I felt I was able to pace the interaction well and she seem relaxed with my company. Though the interaction was short, I felt the vibe between up was warm and friendly. She was quick to say she had a boyfriend so I threw in a tease. Even though she had a boyfriend we kept talking for abit before I let her go.
Possibly I could have pushed things abit more? Something to think about.
Approach #3: Cute brunette in long coat
I spot her walk past me and I walk after her. I freak her out a little and she speeds up. I try to get things going but it seems like a lost cause.
Approach #4: Sexy blonde
Keith, Peter and I are walking through Melbourne Central and I spot a gorgeous blonde sitting down in the food court. I walk up to her and say "Excuse me". She looks at me and smiles and says "how are you?"
"Very well thankyou. I thought you were really beautiful and I wanted to say hi".
Boom! She lights up. She must have asked me how I was 3-4 times. I noticed there was another bag with her and so she must be with a friend. I sit next to her and chat for abit. She's abit blown away by what I've just done and she says shes blushing which I thought was really cute. She asks me if I have done this before. I reply with "you're I think 3,628,002". I ask some qualifying questions and which she throws them back at me. I gladly answered and put it back on her.
Her sister comes along and I introduce myself. I ask the sister if she's cool. There's a good vibe between the three of us and I feel we were both enjoying each others company. Turns out she's from Sydney and is only here for another day. I tell her to give me her number so that next time she is in Melbourne we can hang out. She doesn't agree to so I say "it's cause I'm black isn't it?" which gets a laugh. We talk for abit more before I get up and go.
Even though I didn't get a number I felt we both made each others day which is why I enjoy daygame. I love meeting beautiful women and making them feel appreciated which seemed to be something I've moved away from in the last couple of months. Some may say today was a failure as I didn't get any numbers but today it was a success for me as I felt I was able to go in and make someones day.
I've had some pretty solid interactions in the past couple of days. I feel when I'm in tune with my emotional state and my internal/external awareness, I come across as genuine and I feel women open up to me.
In my field reports I've written mainly about the girls I do approach but I never talk about the girls I don't approach. I think for my development I will document as much as I can to help me become aware of what I am feeling and what mental blocks are stopping me from approaching.
Approach #1: Cute blonde in tight pants
Keith and I were walking in the GPO. As we approach the exit I see a cute blonde walking in. I let her walk past, spin around and open. I noticed she could see me in her peripheral so I opened from where I was following so that I wouldn't creep her out. She stopped and I locked eyes with her. She smiles.
"I know this is totally out of the blue but I just had to come talk to you because you're really beautiful."
I challenged her abit and though she was struggling she was trying to qualify herself to me. It seemed like I was creating too much pressure so I toned it down to something simpler and abit more playful. I felt we had a great vibe going. I went for the number but she said she had a boyfriend. I teased her on it for abit and we talked some more before letting her on her way.
Though this didn't go anywhere I felt that for a first approach it was pretty smooth. I felt I could have done a better job in relating to what she was saying. We got talking about fashion and I didn't follow up. I feel fashion is one of my master conversation topics and would have built deeper into a connection. I was happy that I could see I was creating pressure and I was able to release when it built up.
Keith and I were walking inside Melbourne Central and there was a two set walking right in front of us. One was wearing black skinny jeans and heels. As soon as I saw her I was making abit of a moan. I wanted her but yet I couldn't get myself to talk to her. The impulse was there to approach yet I was quick to stop myself for some reason.
Reminder to myself. I've done group sets before and have had fun interactions and have got numbers when I have done them.
Approach #2: Ralph Lauren girl
I was walking out of Myer and I spot a cute brunette texting on her phone. Even though I walked for abit after noticing her. I didn't feel any sense of anxiety. Kinda felt like I approached her because I was ready to not because I felt I had to.
I felt I was able to pace the interaction well and she seem relaxed with my company. Though the interaction was short, I felt the vibe between up was warm and friendly. She was quick to say she had a boyfriend so I threw in a tease. Even though she had a boyfriend we kept talking for abit before I let her go.
Possibly I could have pushed things abit more? Something to think about.
Approach #3: Cute brunette in long coat
I spot her walk past me and I walk after her. I freak her out a little and she speeds up. I try to get things going but it seems like a lost cause.
Approach #4: Sexy blonde
Keith, Peter and I are walking through Melbourne Central and I spot a gorgeous blonde sitting down in the food court. I walk up to her and say "Excuse me". She looks at me and smiles and says "how are you?"
"Very well thankyou. I thought you were really beautiful and I wanted to say hi".
Boom! She lights up. She must have asked me how I was 3-4 times. I noticed there was another bag with her and so she must be with a friend. I sit next to her and chat for abit. She's abit blown away by what I've just done and she says shes blushing which I thought was really cute. She asks me if I have done this before. I reply with "you're I think 3,628,002". I ask some qualifying questions and which she throws them back at me. I gladly answered and put it back on her.
Her sister comes along and I introduce myself. I ask the sister if she's cool. There's a good vibe between the three of us and I feel we were both enjoying each others company. Turns out she's from Sydney and is only here for another day. I tell her to give me her number so that next time she is in Melbourne we can hang out. She doesn't agree to so I say "it's cause I'm black isn't it?" which gets a laugh. We talk for abit more before I get up and go.
Even though I didn't get a number I felt we both made each others day which is why I enjoy daygame. I love meeting beautiful women and making them feel appreciated which seemed to be something I've moved away from in the last couple of months. Some may say today was a failure as I didn't get any numbers but today it was a success for me as I felt I was able to go in and make someones day.
I've had some pretty solid interactions in the past couple of days. I feel when I'm in tune with my emotional state and my internal/external awareness, I come across as genuine and I feel women open up to me.
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