Thoughts, realisations, reference experiences...

The last few months have been a rollercoaster for me. There have been times of hopes and times of fear and uncertainty. But as a result of these times I have smashed some limiting beliefs and I have created some reference experiences and realisations which will only serve me for the better.

Junkie Chic
I was out with Matt (wanderer) a few days ago. I was walking to the supermarket to get some groceries. I was wearing boardshorts, a nike tracktop and thongs. Most of you who I've done daygame with me will know I am always conscious of how I dress. I feel image is my external gateway to my internal world. I feel the way I dress needs to project the image of who I am on the inside. In this example I felt like a junkie.

As we were walking to the supermarket, in front of us was a sexy redhead in a corporate outfit. Now I didn't approach her but while Matt and I were picking out stuff in the supermarket I mentioned that I've just come across a limiting belief and told him about the redhead. I decided on the way back to my place I'm going to talk to the next cute girl I see.

Matt and I saw a cute brunette as we were walking back. She walked past us and I turned around and walked after her. She stopped at the traffic lights. As I walk towards her, the battle begins with me and my internal dialogue. The voices in my head saying "I look like a junkie, she wouldn't give me the time of day" or "my hands are sweaty it'll be weird". After convincing myself not to approach I yell to Matt further down the street "I CAN'T DO IT. IT'S TOO HARD!!!".

I catch up to Matt and as we get close to my apartment I see a cute brunette in a gym outfit. After abit of hesitation I say "this is bullshit" and walk after her. I open direct and we get a good interaction going and I managed to get her number. She texted me later that night saying she has a boyfriend which sucks but it opened me to the possibility that I could be attractive to women dressed like a junkie.

Magic can happen in front of your doorstep
There have been many beautiful women past my doorstep since I have moved into the city and yet I can't get myself to talk to them. It's like some weird social construct shit fucking with me.

Anyway, last night I walk down to the doorstep to greet Matt only to find he wasn't there. I was in the apartment earlier and my roommate Daryl said he was downstairs. I call him up to find out where he is. He's at the casino but while I was on the phone I spot a sexy blonde walk past. Double take... Triple take... Quadruple take... Oh fuck it! I ran after her and opened direct. She was incredibly beautiful and very sweet. We got along well and exchanged details.

I like that in moving into the city I am somewhat integrating daygame with my lifestyle. Beats travelling to and from the city from Noble Park to stroll around the city for hours.

Beautiful women want to meet guys like me
On my journey I have talked to models and have taken some of them out on dates. Now I haven't got lucky yet but being around these girls has allowed me to be comfortable with them and see them for who they really are. They are human beings like us. They have their share of fears and insecurities, they do hook up with normal guys, not all of them are the ditzy party girls you see in clubs and are actually interested in having a normal conversation, they have amazing life experiences to share, and they love mi goreng :)

These models I talk about were the type of women I would only dream of talking to a year ago. I thought you had to be rich and good looking to get a girl like that and I would have to settle for some boring and shallow Asian girl. While I may not have a woman like this in my life now, I do believe I deserve a girl like this and I believe I will have women like this in my life.

I am OK as I am...or who I was before I got into all of this
The past few months I had issues with being comfortable in expressing my sexuality. In an effort to try to be more sexual I felt I had to be this flirty and cheeky guy as a result of watching and learning from guys who I respect and who I value their advice. Though I see the intent behind being flirty and cheeky, this is not my style and does not fit with my personality. I love connecting with women and in recent times I have moved away from this in an effort to be more sexual. As a result I was creeping out the type of women I am into and drawing in those that I am not.

I realise you don't have to be cheeky and flirty to be sexual. It only serves as a way of creating an emotional spike or window of opportunity (Credit: Almog). In the past couple of months I have worked hard on my subcommunications and feel I can project myself sexually though my body language and microexpressions.

I feel I have come full circle in the past year. I came into the community feeling I need to develop my conversation skills, learn lines, be more sexual, be this super excited high energy guy, etc. In the last couple of months I find myself feeling the need to be stripping layers away and now I am going back to the person I was before. Only this time I am more accepting of that person. That's not to say all the money I have spent on workshops and bootcamps were a waste. If it wasn't for these workshops, creeping out and being blown out by numerous women I wouldn't have come to the place I see myself in now.

Microexpressions
I wouldn't call this a major breakthrough just yet but it shows how much more aware I am becoming when I am interacting with someone. A girl I am seeing at the moment has quite the pokerface and has amazing array of microexpressions which I think I wouldn't have been able to pick up on if I was in my own head. I find alot of women give these off all the time and I am starting to notice it alot more.

For myself I have quite the pokerface myself and I am learning to use it to my advantage. For example, I find that smiling when a woman has earned it creates a bigger emotional spike than when I am being high energy, smiling and laughing all the time. In being high energy I have to maintain that energy to go higher and I feel I am getting too old for that shit.

I also find that my facial expressions can be ambiguous as well which can be helpful in qualifying, building tension and also helping me get out of troublesome situations. I don't quite have a handle of it yet and may...or should I say will creep out girls but I feel the rewards will be amazing.

Reading material only serves its purpose if you have reference experiences to attach to it
Most of what I have learnt in pickup has been through workshops and being infield. I have only read material which was recommended by those I respect and whose advice I value. I mention this as I have read a few spirituality books like Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth". Now while these books to some degree have helped me become more aware of consciousness, I feel there are some who try to conceptualise and try to create meaning to alot of Eckhart's teachings rather than linking his teachings to their own life experiences. I feel this leaves people thinking they just have to be "present" and "uneffected" which leaves them dormant and still contained by fear. I would like to see how "present" or "uneffected" Eckhart Tolle would be if he were asked to hit on a sexy blonde in a mini-skirt and heels.

Where I'm getting at is there is alot of content rich pickup material out there and while I'm sure they will add value in one way or another, I feel I will be better off meeting women. Techniques are only worth learning if they're going to be applied. Anything else is just going to serve as wasted headspace.

Escalation is attractive... If you're not escalating you're gay (Tim)
Following on from what I just mentioned about reading pick-up material. It has served it's purpose as I have applied the concepts taken from the book "Escalation is Attractive". I have tried and failed many times before reading this book. What this has done is allow me to link past experiences to concepts presented in the book. Also in putting the concepts into practice it has only served to link more reference experiences to the concepts presented in the book which in turn has allowed me to effectively internalise what I have learned.

Last night I was at Tangerine with Keith and there was only one girl worth approaching last night. An incredibly stunning, tall blonde in a red dress and heels (I'm sure most of you are sick of hearing what my type is now). She came into my proximity so I lightly bumped her, locked eyes, pulled her in close and asked "what's your name?" We got close and physical for abit before...a friend? came along. Now while I didn't get anywhere with her it provides me with a reference experience along with hundreds of others that beautiful women like this enjoy my presence and want to be with me.

I envision my game being predominantly direct, physical but with a touch of smoothness. Reference experiences like the one above only serve to validate that.

It's all inner game
It's what makes me get out of bed in the morning, it's what makes me want to travel for over an hour to goto work, it's what triggers me to make the changes that I am making in my life right now, it's what made me want to start pick-up in the first place, it's what made me want to continue talking to girls even after being rejected by hundreds of girls before them, it's what allows me to question my beliefs and values to see how strong they are...I could go on forever.

I feel I have a solid technical foundation as far as seduction goes and the only thing holding me back is my bullshit beliefs created by conditioning by parents, society, media, religion, etc. I have spent alot of time focusing more on my beliefs and removing negative anchors from my life which have stopped me from becoming the man I deserve to be (moving out of home, culling friends who put me down, being less of a yes man and prepared to say no more often if it's at the expense of my own well being).

Downtime between approaches
When I first started there were plenty of nights where I would go out whether it was with friends or alone where I would freak out. I felt the pressure to approach as many sets as a I could and if I wasn't in set I would be thinking "oh shit, I have to talk to girls!" or "oh fuck! I'm low value" creating a flush of negative thoughts and unnecessary pressure on myself. I determined how good a night was by how many approaches I did that night. I'll read on how someone did 50 approaches and I would beat myself up for not being able to do as much.

When I go out at night I find myself being more selective. I am alot more patient in approaching girls. When I am not in set I shut myself off and focus more on my breathing and internal/external awareness. This for me has been very powerful during daygame where there is alot of downtime between sets. Less often these days do I find myself doing laps around the city for hours and hours without doing a single approach. While I have been struggling in approaching at night in recent times, I don't beat myself up for it and just see it as another night. I have learned to use the time I'm not in set as a valuable learning tool so I never go home entirely empty handed :)

Areas of focus for the next couple of months
- Going back to what I do best. Connect with women.
- Projecting intent.
- Isolation. I don't do it enough.
- Go back to doing at least 5 cold approaches every time I go out at night. It used to be a personal rule for me everytime I went out at night but got to the point where I was doing 5 automatically so I forgot about it.
- Group approaches. Ever since I have weeded out routines I find myself struggling to approach groups which is retarded.
- Awareness and intuition.
- Extraction. I moved into the city for a reason!