1. Melbourne women. The feeling I get when I see something amazing. The way they move, the way they dress. It makes me melt.
2. Limiting beliefs. They are only beliefs I have created for myself.
3. Melbourne. Best city in the world.
4. Friends who inspire me to become greater than what I am
5. BJJ. I can't wait to get back into it.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Daygame 29/07/2010: Melbourne CBD
I've only just moved into the city and I can already start to see the benefit of it. Corporate glamours! I'm in heaven. I'm working night shift this week so I tend to keep meeting girls to a minimum to get some decent sleep under my belt. After a couple of days I'm a zombie. I was taking the train home. This is great as everyone is going to work, I'm heading home. I spot heaps of sexy girls in corporate outfits. Heels and mini-skirts should be compulsory in all corporate environments. I pretty much slept on the train ride home so I didn't talk to anyone. Plus my breath reeks like shit. I'm not talking to anyone!
I arrive at Flagstaff station and jump off the train to head home. As I'm walking out, I spot a sexy brunette. Heels, mini-skirt and a fitted white coat. I follow her for abit and run negative dialogue in my head. I haven't slept. My breath smells like shit. There are too many people around. Home is just around the corner, I need sleep as I have a busy one today. This feeling of anxiety brewed in my body probably for seconds but it felt like minutes. I was about another 100 metres away from home and I thought to myself "fuck it!" I sped up and caught up with her.
"Excuse me. May I say I really love your outfit." She responds well. I try and qualify her but she says shes too tired to be thinking at this hour. I probably should have rolled with it but me being ready to fall asleep any second I wasn't quite ready to be setting her world on fire. We chat for abit and as I am about to turn to my apartment I go for the number close. Boyfriend...grrr. I graciously ejected and went back home to sleep.
12:43PM. My phone rings. I don't bother picking it up. I need some sleep. I got work tonight. A few moments later I get a text. It's from Daryl, now my roommate, it says:
Hey u awake? Town hall on swanston, get here asap! Models everywhere!
I'm trying to get myself to get out of bed. I can't. I'm too damn tired! I try to jolt myself to get up and get changed. It's kinda like in Rocky 4 when Rocky gets knocked down by Ivan Drago and Mickey yells "get up you son of a bitch!" I finally get get changed and I get another call from Daryl "Get down here quick!" "I'M COMING GOD DAMMIT! I'M COMING!" I yell.
I arrive in front of town hall and don't see Daryl or better yet where the fuck are the models? I thought I was just tripping out because of a lack of sleep so I kept walking. Maybe it's abit further up, I thought to myself. I realised I have walked too far and give Daryl a call to find out where the town hall is. I realise I did pass it. I turn and head back. As I stop at the traffic lights I spot an incredibly sexy, leggy blonde. Wearing heels, flowy white dress and a black formal sort of coat. I wait for her to cross the road and walk past me before turning around and opening.
"Hi. I know this is totally out of the blue but I think you're really beautiful I had to come talk to you. My name is Khoi." She responds well. Last weekend I did the Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals. Though very powerful stuff, I struggled to implement the principles over the weekend and I expect to take a massive dip in my game as I practice these new skills. Once I get a handle on these I'll be fucking dynamite. Seeing James and Zanna apply these principles is really an eye opening experience.
Anyway, I got to play with some of these principles and I managed to have a solid interaction with her. Turns out she was one of these models Daryl was talking about. It's fashion week and she's doing an audition. I get her number and we agree on having cupcakes. Good times!
I meet up with Daryl and Matt and tell them about what had just happened. I'm giggling like a geek who's just discovered porn for the first time. I watch as more models are walking in and out of Melbourne Town hall. I want to talk to them but I'm paranoid the girl I've just number closed will see me. After watching Matt and Daryl have a go for a bit we decide to head back to Bourke St and talk to normal civilians.
As we're walking back I spot another sexy blonde walking along Swanston. Matt and Daryl push me in there. I chase after her. I comment on her outfit. She was well dressed. Turns out I know her. I used to do salsa with her. We do abit of fluff talk before she had to get back to work.
I'm sitting at my favourite spot at Bourke St mall with Daryl and Matt. The bench across from Sportgirl, or the Black hole as I like to call it. I spot a sexy brunette across the tram tracks. Legs, heels and mini-skirt. It has me written all over it. I wait for her to cross the tram tracks and chase after her. I open direct. She responds well but I struggle to take the interaction anywhere. I go for the close anyway but she says she has a boyfriend. We chat for abit more before I eject.
I have an appointment to attend to so I have to head off. As I am walking towards the tram stop I spot a sexy corporate blonde. Again, heels, legs and mini-skirt. I run after her. I open direct and she responds well but I struggle to keep things flowing. I figure this is not going well but I go for the close anyway. No joy.
This is my first daygame session since the Low Energy High Impact workshop. I am struggling to integrate the new skills I have learned but I know once I have them down I'll be killer. I know it works and I've made it work in patches. I just have to keep practicing.
I haven't had the chance to write field reports recently as I have been really busy and for good reason. I have been meeting and dating some incredibly beautiful women. I have had some setbacks such as a girl flaking on me yesterday. It was quite painful. I felt that she was keen. But with my logistics sorted, my ever-improving skills and growing confidence I no longer see having success with women as a question of will I have success? but a question of when?
Less often do I feel anxiety in approaching girls who I consider a 10. More often do I feel comfortable in meeting and having fun, flirty and interesting interactions with beautiful women. The more I have them around me, the more I feel like I deserve to have someone of that quality. I feel I am becoming more a man who values himself but at the same time gives value to others.
I arrive at Flagstaff station and jump off the train to head home. As I'm walking out, I spot a sexy brunette. Heels, mini-skirt and a fitted white coat. I follow her for abit and run negative dialogue in my head. I haven't slept. My breath smells like shit. There are too many people around. Home is just around the corner, I need sleep as I have a busy one today. This feeling of anxiety brewed in my body probably for seconds but it felt like minutes. I was about another 100 metres away from home and I thought to myself "fuck it!" I sped up and caught up with her.
"Excuse me. May I say I really love your outfit." She responds well. I try and qualify her but she says shes too tired to be thinking at this hour. I probably should have rolled with it but me being ready to fall asleep any second I wasn't quite ready to be setting her world on fire. We chat for abit and as I am about to turn to my apartment I go for the number close. Boyfriend...grrr. I graciously ejected and went back home to sleep.
12:43PM. My phone rings. I don't bother picking it up. I need some sleep. I got work tonight. A few moments later I get a text. It's from Daryl, now my roommate, it says:
Hey u awake? Town hall on swanston, get here asap! Models everywhere!
I'm trying to get myself to get out of bed. I can't. I'm too damn tired! I try to jolt myself to get up and get changed. It's kinda like in Rocky 4 when Rocky gets knocked down by Ivan Drago and Mickey yells "get up you son of a bitch!" I finally get get changed and I get another call from Daryl "Get down here quick!" "I'M COMING GOD DAMMIT! I'M COMING!" I yell.
I arrive in front of town hall and don't see Daryl or better yet where the fuck are the models? I thought I was just tripping out because of a lack of sleep so I kept walking. Maybe it's abit further up, I thought to myself. I realised I have walked too far and give Daryl a call to find out where the town hall is. I realise I did pass it. I turn and head back. As I stop at the traffic lights I spot an incredibly sexy, leggy blonde. Wearing heels, flowy white dress and a black formal sort of coat. I wait for her to cross the road and walk past me before turning around and opening.
"Hi. I know this is totally out of the blue but I think you're really beautiful I had to come talk to you. My name is Khoi." She responds well. Last weekend I did the Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals. Though very powerful stuff, I struggled to implement the principles over the weekend and I expect to take a massive dip in my game as I practice these new skills. Once I get a handle on these I'll be fucking dynamite. Seeing James and Zanna apply these principles is really an eye opening experience.
Anyway, I got to play with some of these principles and I managed to have a solid interaction with her. Turns out she was one of these models Daryl was talking about. It's fashion week and she's doing an audition. I get her number and we agree on having cupcakes. Good times!
I meet up with Daryl and Matt and tell them about what had just happened. I'm giggling like a geek who's just discovered porn for the first time. I watch as more models are walking in and out of Melbourne Town hall. I want to talk to them but I'm paranoid the girl I've just number closed will see me. After watching Matt and Daryl have a go for a bit we decide to head back to Bourke St and talk to normal civilians.
As we're walking back I spot another sexy blonde walking along Swanston. Matt and Daryl push me in there. I chase after her. I comment on her outfit. She was well dressed. Turns out I know her. I used to do salsa with her. We do abit of fluff talk before she had to get back to work.
I'm sitting at my favourite spot at Bourke St mall with Daryl and Matt. The bench across from Sportgirl, or the Black hole as I like to call it. I spot a sexy brunette across the tram tracks. Legs, heels and mini-skirt. It has me written all over it. I wait for her to cross the tram tracks and chase after her. I open direct. She responds well but I struggle to take the interaction anywhere. I go for the close anyway but she says she has a boyfriend. We chat for abit more before I eject.
I have an appointment to attend to so I have to head off. As I am walking towards the tram stop I spot a sexy corporate blonde. Again, heels, legs and mini-skirt. I run after her. I open direct and she responds well but I struggle to keep things flowing. I figure this is not going well but I go for the close anyway. No joy.
This is my first daygame session since the Low Energy High Impact workshop. I am struggling to integrate the new skills I have learned but I know once I have them down I'll be killer. I know it works and I've made it work in patches. I just have to keep practicing.
I haven't had the chance to write field reports recently as I have been really busy and for good reason. I have been meeting and dating some incredibly beautiful women. I have had some setbacks such as a girl flaking on me yesterday. It was quite painful. I felt that she was keen. But with my logistics sorted, my ever-improving skills and growing confidence I no longer see having success with women as a question of will I have success? but a question of when?
Less often do I feel anxiety in approaching girls who I consider a 10. More often do I feel comfortable in meeting and having fun, flirty and interesting interactions with beautiful women. The more I have them around me, the more I feel like I deserve to have someone of that quality. I feel I am becoming more a man who values himself but at the same time gives value to others.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Pleasing others/Seeking external validation
I feel a major source of self-sabotage has been as a result of seeking validation or trying to please others. Doing things I don't want to do, buying shit I don't need, pursuing interests which don't serve me in an effort to earn the acceptance and respect from others.
Growing up I was quiet, withdrawn and lonely. I was seen as a social outcast and this really bothered me. There were times where I wasn't sure if people knew I existed. I think they did, but they were so consumed by what others were thinking of them.
I would do anything to make friends and gain a little bit of acceptance. Even if it mean being around the wrong people. People who didn't value me as a person and took advantage of me. Even if they didn't represent the type of people I wanted to be around. I had nothing, I was prepared to grab anything I could get.
As a teenager I would look at the popular kids and would always think about what it was that made them popular. These guys were good at sports, wore fashionable clothes, they were rich. I though to myself, this is what I have to be to gain the acceptance and respect from others. Coming from a poor family, I always used to hate myself for the circumstances I was brought up in. I couldn't have the things that these guys had and I was made to feel guilty by my family for wanting them.
Someone in high school once dared me to yell in assembly. I tried it and it got everyone laughing. People wanted me to do it more and more, so I did. I would think of ways to do stupid shit in assembly, lectures or in public. I was getting peoples attention and I thought I was getting acceptance. I was wrong. I was nothing but a source of ridicule. I got acceptance at the expense of my own dignity. I carried on with this behaviour through my years at university.
I had come to the point where people around me were getting on with their lives. They were focused on finishing uni and pursuing their careers all while I was still drifting and doing stupid shit in lectures and public places. I see my peers working in well paying jobs, driving nice cars, wearing fashionable clothes, dating cute girls. I sense the feeling that people who I thought were my friends weren't comfortable with me being around. I was a loser. I had no job, I dressed like a junkie, I sucked with girls and it seemed like I had nothing going for me.
I got to a point where I was sick of being where I was at. I was making no money and I was relying on Youth Allowance to get by. Everyone was getting ahead while I was being a drifter. No-one wanted to pay attention to me. I had to do something with my life. I wanted what they had. I knew my university marks weren't gonna get me a decent job. I had to seek work experience.
I spent 6 months looking for a job and getting rejection after rejection. I didn't care. I was determined. I felt that if I had a decent job then I would get the acceptance and respect I deserved. I did get the acceptance and respect I deserved. Girls would like me. I was being invited out by people who thought I was successful. People who I felt were dull and boring. I started wearing expensive clothes and I bought a high powered sports car. It came at a cost. I put myself in debt to support this.
A few years have past since I have got my first full time job. I have worked for 3 industry leaders, I drive a BMW and dress quite fashionably. All this to gain the respect of those who are dull and boring. People who I know wouldn't give me the time of day if things were to go to shit. Sabotaging myself all in an effort to feel important and in an effort to cover up my real problems. I was quick to hang on to people who accepted me to some extent. I would be the nice guy to the extent I would be taken advantage of just to have someone like me.
The common theme of the past is that I have seeked externally to gain acceptance from others. I had alot of deep inner core issues. I feared addressing my deep core inner issues so much that I figured I could get away with it by covering it up. I had hit a point where I was swimming in debt, I was lonely and I was trapped in fear. I was a slave to society. I was angry. I was made to believe that if I had the job, money, cars, clothes then I'll get the acceptance and respect I deserve.
It never came.
In the last year I have looked internally and have addressed alot of my deep inner core issues. I have become more accepting and respectful of myself and have focused more on being more comfortable with being myself and allowing other to see that. I ask myself often "take away the money, the clothes, the job, the car...would you still be the same person?" A year ago the answer would be no. Fast forward a year I would still say no but I am more closer to saying yes.
I think in being more accepting of myself I don't need the external validation as much. I find that as I am more accepting of myself interally, people are seeking my acceptance externally.
Growing up I was quiet, withdrawn and lonely. I was seen as a social outcast and this really bothered me. There were times where I wasn't sure if people knew I existed. I think they did, but they were so consumed by what others were thinking of them.
I would do anything to make friends and gain a little bit of acceptance. Even if it mean being around the wrong people. People who didn't value me as a person and took advantage of me. Even if they didn't represent the type of people I wanted to be around. I had nothing, I was prepared to grab anything I could get.
As a teenager I would look at the popular kids and would always think about what it was that made them popular. These guys were good at sports, wore fashionable clothes, they were rich. I though to myself, this is what I have to be to gain the acceptance and respect from others. Coming from a poor family, I always used to hate myself for the circumstances I was brought up in. I couldn't have the things that these guys had and I was made to feel guilty by my family for wanting them.
Someone in high school once dared me to yell in assembly. I tried it and it got everyone laughing. People wanted me to do it more and more, so I did. I would think of ways to do stupid shit in assembly, lectures or in public. I was getting peoples attention and I thought I was getting acceptance. I was wrong. I was nothing but a source of ridicule. I got acceptance at the expense of my own dignity. I carried on with this behaviour through my years at university.
I had come to the point where people around me were getting on with their lives. They were focused on finishing uni and pursuing their careers all while I was still drifting and doing stupid shit in lectures and public places. I see my peers working in well paying jobs, driving nice cars, wearing fashionable clothes, dating cute girls. I sense the feeling that people who I thought were my friends weren't comfortable with me being around. I was a loser. I had no job, I dressed like a junkie, I sucked with girls and it seemed like I had nothing going for me.
I got to a point where I was sick of being where I was at. I was making no money and I was relying on Youth Allowance to get by. Everyone was getting ahead while I was being a drifter. No-one wanted to pay attention to me. I had to do something with my life. I wanted what they had. I knew my university marks weren't gonna get me a decent job. I had to seek work experience.
I spent 6 months looking for a job and getting rejection after rejection. I didn't care. I was determined. I felt that if I had a decent job then I would get the acceptance and respect I deserved. I did get the acceptance and respect I deserved. Girls would like me. I was being invited out by people who thought I was successful. People who I felt were dull and boring. I started wearing expensive clothes and I bought a high powered sports car. It came at a cost. I put myself in debt to support this.
A few years have past since I have got my first full time job. I have worked for 3 industry leaders, I drive a BMW and dress quite fashionably. All this to gain the respect of those who are dull and boring. People who I know wouldn't give me the time of day if things were to go to shit. Sabotaging myself all in an effort to feel important and in an effort to cover up my real problems. I was quick to hang on to people who accepted me to some extent. I would be the nice guy to the extent I would be taken advantage of just to have someone like me.
The common theme of the past is that I have seeked externally to gain acceptance from others. I had alot of deep inner core issues. I feared addressing my deep core inner issues so much that I figured I could get away with it by covering it up. I had hit a point where I was swimming in debt, I was lonely and I was trapped in fear. I was a slave to society. I was angry. I was made to believe that if I had the job, money, cars, clothes then I'll get the acceptance and respect I deserve.
It never came.
In the last year I have looked internally and have addressed alot of my deep inner core issues. I have become more accepting and respectful of myself and have focused more on being more comfortable with being myself and allowing other to see that. I ask myself often "take away the money, the clothes, the job, the car...would you still be the same person?" A year ago the answer would be no. Fast forward a year I would still say no but I am more closer to saying yes.
I think in being more accepting of myself I don't need the external validation as much. I find that as I am more accepting of myself interally, people are seeking my acceptance externally.
Random goal depository
- Skydiving
- Snowboarding in New Zealand
- Snowboarding in Japan
- Learn the guitar
- Learn to sing
- Learn Salsa
- Goto Thailand
- Get a motorbike
- Become a coach
- Become selfaware
- Be more curious
- Be more creative
- Learn to surf
- Eurotrip
- become a person who is genuinely curious and gives value to others
- Dirty sex with a sexy leggy tall blonde
- Black belt in BJJ
- Become an image and style consultant
- Have a social circle consisting of models
- Spend a year in Thailand doing muay thai
- Spend a year in Thailand doing BJJ
- Spend an entire winter in Canada
-
- Snowboarding in New Zealand
- Snowboarding in Japan
- Learn the guitar
- Learn to sing
- Learn Salsa
- Goto Thailand
- Get a motorbike
- Become a coach
- Become selfaware
- Be more curious
- Be more creative
- Learn to surf
- Eurotrip
- become a person who is genuinely curious and gives value to others
- Dirty sex with a sexy leggy tall blonde
- Black belt in BJJ
- Become an image and style consultant
- Have a social circle consisting of models
- Spend a year in Thailand doing muay thai
- Spend a year in Thailand doing BJJ
- Spend an entire winter in Canada
-
5 things I am greatful for 27/07/2010
1. Food and water.
2. People who are there to look out for me.
3. Women who inspire me to be a better man.
4. Melbourne. The best city in the world.
5. Silence. To allow me to reflect.
2. People who are there to look out for me.
3. Women who inspire me to be a better man.
4. Melbourne. The best city in the world.
5. Silence. To allow me to reflect.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I always say yes when I really mean no
This has always been a problem for me and it is becoming more of a problem for me as I am having a greater influence on others. Saying yes to everything even when I mean no. I think this comes from my desire to be liked and fear of becoming lonely. I really don't like the idea of hurting people as it leaves me with this bad feeling in my stomach.
I see myself as the type of person who goes out of his way to help others. If someone asks for my help I am happy to take time out of my schedule to do so. In more recent times it has made me exhausted and taken away from my time to develop myself. Helping others to me is a natural impulse for those who ask for it. I don't expect anything in return as I feel it is my purpose to be in service to others.
I will continue to help others, however it should not be at the cost of my own development. I think I need to learn to say no more often. I need to understand that my time is important to me and that others will not judge me for it. I am not a selfish person. I also need to understand that in the times I am developing myself, I will be better equipped to help others.
I see myself as the type of person who goes out of his way to help others. If someone asks for my help I am happy to take time out of my schedule to do so. In more recent times it has made me exhausted and taken away from my time to develop myself. Helping others to me is a natural impulse for those who ask for it. I don't expect anything in return as I feel it is my purpose to be in service to others.
I will continue to help others, however it should not be at the cost of my own development. I think I need to learn to say no more often. I need to understand that my time is important to me and that others will not judge me for it. I am not a selfish person. I also need to understand that in the times I am developing myself, I will be better equipped to help others.
What am I greatful for 26/07/2010
1. Time and space. To allow me to reflect on how far I have come as a person.
2. Women. Not only are they a puzzle to be uncovered, they are also a source of personal exploration and discovery.
3. Melbourne. A beautiful and lively city.
4. The Naturals for opening my eyes to the world of a great seducer.
5. Food and water.
2. Women. Not only are they a puzzle to be uncovered, they are also a source of personal exploration and discovery.
3. Melbourne. A beautiful and lively city.
4. The Naturals for opening my eyes to the world of a great seducer.
5. Food and water.
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