5 Things I am greatful for 16/06/2010

1. To be alive and well
2. To have a roof over my head
3. To have a support group of people around me
4. To have the opportunity to make my life better
5. To feel warm on a cold day

All Stars Carla - Scores Breakdown

I aiming for a top 10 score and missed out again. On a positive note I made a personal best score. This week I'm going to try plan my missions for the next two weeks. I think it will be more achievable if I can see where my points will be coming from rather than doing missions as I go along. Actions marked in bold have been completed.

15/06/2010
350 - Quizes
50 - Movie of the week
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - BJJ
20 - Action towards my goal - Went to the gym
20 - Action towards my goal - Watched Sex Secrets TV show
Total: 480

16/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Went to the gym - Cardio
100 - Personal Foundation program - Make a list of 10 people you admire: identify the qualities, natural behaviour and how they handle tough situations and people. What standards could you raise that would have you be more like them, yet still fit you today?
20 - Applied for jobs
20 - Action towards my goal - House hunting


17/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Went to the gym - Chest and Biceps
20 - Action towards my goal - Researched shares
20 - Action towards my goal - Day Game
20 - Action towards my goal - House Hunting
20 - Speak to another all star - Flowz
100 - Extreme Self-Care Program - I know what motivates me

18/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - House Hunting
20 - Action towards my goal - Applied for jobs

19/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
70 - Post on confidence
35 - Post on self-image
20 - Action towards my goal - House Hunting

Total:1085
20/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - House Hunting

21/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Went to the gym - Legs and abs
20 - Action towards my goal - House Hunting
20 - Action towards my goal - Applied for jobs
20 - Spoke to another all-star - Sammy
20 - Action towards my goal - Daygame

22/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Went to the gym - Back and triceps
20 - Action towards my goal - BJJ
20 - Action towards my goal - Daygame
20 - Action towards my goal - Job hunting
20 - Action towards my goal - House hunting
20 - Spoke to another all-star - Sammy

23/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Daygame
20 - Action towards my goal - Job hunting
20 - Action towards my goal - House hunting

24/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Night Game
20 - Action towards my goal - Day Game
20 - Action towards my goal - Applied for jobs

25/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
20 - Action towards my goal - Night Game

26/06/2010
20 - Action towards my goal - Speed Dating
20 - Action towards my goal - Night of Mayhem


27/06/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
600 - Listened to the audio - Social Intelligence
100 - Never use the word "approach" again. I now use breaking some hearts
50 - Personal Weekly Wins
50 - Weekly Update Sheet

Total: 2445

5 Things I am greatful for 15/06/2010

I know All-Stars Angola is over but I wanted to continue this.
1. My critics for the giving me the desire to succeed
2. That burning feeling in your chest after an intense workout
3. Time to rest
4. To have an avenue to express myself without fear of judgement
5. To be alive and well

Something to be positive about

I feel like alot of my posts recently have been very negative so I thought I start posting things to feel positive about. I figure I'll start with a list. Not sure if I get bonus points for this but here goes:

- That burning feeling I get when I have an intense workout
- Smashing it at the gym this afternoon
- Crazy experiences to talk to people about
- Exploring my creativity
- Going to Salsa tomorrow
- Meeting with like minded guys wanting to change their lives
- Going for a new job
- Knowing I have people to prove wrong
- BJJ is awesome. The adrenaline of fighting in a safe environment with minimal resistance. The feeling of needing to survive. It's something I've been missing for a while.
- The emotional journey I go on when I listen to trance music. The feeling of escapism
- Meeting with people I haven't seen in a while
- Being complimented on my dress sense. I haven't done much to my wardrobe. I've added a few accessories.

It's statement like these which are holding me back...

I've just finished BJJ and as I'm getting changed I get the following message from my sister:
"Hi, i advise u 2 stay where u r & work ur way up. Consult's hard work. Think carefully. Oanh"

I was reading this and I got abit angry and I was quick to reply:
"when you are miserable, unninspired, unmotivated something needs to change i've felt this way for a very long time. i value my wellbeing much more than the money i make."

I love my sister alot and we are very close but when I hear something like this I can't help but get angry. It's statements like these that have held me back in the past. It was statement like these which stopped me from even trying. It was statements like these which shut me off from the rest of the world. To accept that I was destined to live a life where I was being told what to do. To feel guilty about wanting treat myself for my hard work and wanting to enjoy my success.

Growing up in a fairly traditional Asian family the culture tends to reflect the communual mentality where everyone works to help the family whereas in Australia it is more of a individualist mentality. Being the oldest son there is an expectation to support the family. Growing up poor I really hated this. Why should I have to work so hard and give up part of my pay to family. Not that I don't want to help them out but I have put in the time so it should be up to me to determine how I should spend my money.

I remember getting my first fulltime job and when I first told my family already they were talking about how much I should give up to them. It took 6 months of heartache to get my first job and it really took the joy out of my achievement. Not having money when growing up I had many things I wanted to buy. I needed braces because my teeth were mangled. I needed to sharpen up the way I dress to goto work. I needed a car to get around. My family would make me feel guilty for wanting these things.

As I was going through the pain of being rejected by employer after employer my mum told me "working is hard. Focus on your studies." My marks were terrible and no employer was willing to accept me based on marks alone. I knew I had the desire and the drive to work but being unspirited by statements like always put a sense of guilt in the back of my head. Feeling like I was disrespecting my parents if I didn't do as I was told.

When it comes to girls my parents would say find a nice Asian girl so she can look after you. I have dated a few Asian girls and they have failed miserably. My values just don't align with traditional Asian girls. I find them bland and extremely boring. I feel I am a person who craves a connection and I never got that with an Asian girl. It seems they were with me because I was the first one they could settle for...or was it the other way around? My sister would say don't date go from girl to girl. I should stick around. Relationships are hard work. I can't accept that. If it was real love, it wouldn't be work and I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to play the field while I search for the woman of my dreams.

It's the feeding off these words from family which have held me back and hasn't served me. I know deep down that I can't accept life as it is. It hurts too much. My mum tells me to get used to it and learn to be happy. I can't be happy when I know there is a greater world for me out there. It has been very hard for me to let go of my family. I have made it clear for them I will be moving out soon. As much as I know it will hurt them. I know it is something I have to do. I associate alot of negativity being with my family. I feel that to become the man I want to be I have to do it on my own terms.

How am I feeling today?

15/06/2010

Right now I feel like I haven't had enough sleep. I am lying in bed as I type this and I am incredibly tired. I went to Winter Sound System and popped some pills. It's been 6 months since I last took any kind of drugs. The last few days I have really burnt myself out with work, daygame, BJJ, Salsa. I just haven't had any time to recharge my batteries. I felt abit run down and I needed some kind of escape.

I only decided to goto Winter Sound System very last minute. Again I was really tired fro the past week and I needed some rest. I get a call from my mate on Sunday night. I wasn't too keen on going. Sure the there was a great lineup but I was just too tired. I had been trying to catchup on some sleep all afternoon but couldn't fall asleep. So I thought "Fuck it!" Funny how my logic works when I'm tired.

I meet up with my mate and he offers some pills but I decline. As we drive up we're talking about what we have been up to and how much we were looking forward to the night. I'm thinking to myself I don't know how I'm gonna survive. I also think to myself "it's been a rough couple of days. I need some form of escape."

I ask my mate to get me 3. I thought it should be enough to get me through the night. He calls the person he's getting the pills from and gets 3 more. We arrive at Melbourne park and we hit main stage. I can't remember who the DJ was but I was rocking it on the dancefloor. I felt abit of a jolt. I thought this was me getting into it. Maybe I wasn't really tired. Maybe I just needed to be somewhere where I was having fun.

I rocked it for a bit on the mainstage before deciding to head to the trance stage. Nothing gets me pumped up more than trance music. The highs and lows, how it starts slow and is banging at the end. Trance music moves me in ways alot of people don't understand. After abit of dancing I decide to flip my first pill. I can feel it abit but there's not much of a buzz (there's shit pills out there these days compared to when I was taking them week-in week-out). So I gave it an hour before I took another one. Nothing. Another hour late I flip the third and still nothing. I am spent so I decide to sit down and close my eyes for a bit.

I sat in the chair for about 20 minutes. I think I had abit of a cat nap and I was beginning to feel the pills abit. I was having weird hallucinations of architecture. Seeing apartment complexes and there was this one moment where I saw a run down house with a weedy garden and then see it turn to something amazing and beautiful. I don't know what that was all about.

Anyway I wake up and I am feeling refreshed and suddenly I am starting to feel the effect of the pills. It was kind of a delayed effect. It was like the pills enhanced my effect of tiredness and waking up refreshed from my cat nap re-energised my and enhanced that state I was in. I hit the dancefloor rocking it with amazing feeling of energy. I was having fun, I was talking to people, I was rocking it to the music...it was amazing. I wouldn't say I felt like god but I wasn't far from it.

By the end of it, I had come down and I was back to feeling exhausted again. Right now I feel abit de-motivated. I know there are things I should be doing but I can't be bothered. I guess there's no excuses. I made the decision to take the pills. I knew what the consequences were and now I am paying the price for it. Right now as I am typing this I am being given this jolt to get my shit together. I have layed in bed all day and have done nothing. I'm gonna stop typing right now and hit the gym, then BJJ after.

Attractive tests

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You are 29% attractive

 

Don't feel too good about yourself. You have no room to bark. You're just one step beyond the kennel and chances are that you slipped the leash. Go back for more kibble and less 'tude.

How attractive are you...really?
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You are ....
Result: Beautiful/handsome

Well, well, what more can we say. The truth is you are too pretty and people can't resist looking at you. They are attracted with your looks and charm. You are so yummy and hot.


http://www.datingfast.com/quiz/Index-4men.asp
Congratulations! You've passed the quiz with a score of 33%.

Your answers indicate that you are friendly and open person who just needs more social contacts. If you have any outgoing friends, see if they can help you get into situations where you have to speak to a girl. It may be terrifying, but it can help.

Hold your chin up and continue to be active in your pursuits and you will eventually find what you are looking for. I think the biggest skill you have is you listen. Listen to others but also to yourself.

Just try a normal conversation with casual acquaintances. Talk about classes, current events, anything. Debate if you want. So to experience success in dating woman, you need to keep trying and you'll improve your skills over time. If you read a few books I'm touting here, I'm sure you'll makeover in no time.

My thoughts
I believe I am an attractive guy. I just have trouble showing that when I am interacting with women. I feel women can only determine how attracted they are to me by the first interaction and alot of the time it doesn't shine through. I feel with more solid interactions with women I will be able to get this handled.