How am I feeling today?

15/06/2010

Right now I feel like I haven't had enough sleep. I am lying in bed as I type this and I am incredibly tired. I went to Winter Sound System and popped some pills. It's been 6 months since I last took any kind of drugs. The last few days I have really burnt myself out with work, daygame, BJJ, Salsa. I just haven't had any time to recharge my batteries. I felt abit run down and I needed some kind of escape.

I only decided to goto Winter Sound System very last minute. Again I was really tired fro the past week and I needed some rest. I get a call from my mate on Sunday night. I wasn't too keen on going. Sure the there was a great lineup but I was just too tired. I had been trying to catchup on some sleep all afternoon but couldn't fall asleep. So I thought "Fuck it!" Funny how my logic works when I'm tired.

I meet up with my mate and he offers some pills but I decline. As we drive up we're talking about what we have been up to and how much we were looking forward to the night. I'm thinking to myself I don't know how I'm gonna survive. I also think to myself "it's been a rough couple of days. I need some form of escape."

I ask my mate to get me 3. I thought it should be enough to get me through the night. He calls the person he's getting the pills from and gets 3 more. We arrive at Melbourne park and we hit main stage. I can't remember who the DJ was but I was rocking it on the dancefloor. I felt abit of a jolt. I thought this was me getting into it. Maybe I wasn't really tired. Maybe I just needed to be somewhere where I was having fun.

I rocked it for a bit on the mainstage before deciding to head to the trance stage. Nothing gets me pumped up more than trance music. The highs and lows, how it starts slow and is banging at the end. Trance music moves me in ways alot of people don't understand. After abit of dancing I decide to flip my first pill. I can feel it abit but there's not much of a buzz (there's shit pills out there these days compared to when I was taking them week-in week-out). So I gave it an hour before I took another one. Nothing. Another hour late I flip the third and still nothing. I am spent so I decide to sit down and close my eyes for a bit.

I sat in the chair for about 20 minutes. I think I had abit of a cat nap and I was beginning to feel the pills abit. I was having weird hallucinations of architecture. Seeing apartment complexes and there was this one moment where I saw a run down house with a weedy garden and then see it turn to something amazing and beautiful. I don't know what that was all about.

Anyway I wake up and I am feeling refreshed and suddenly I am starting to feel the effect of the pills. It was kind of a delayed effect. It was like the pills enhanced my effect of tiredness and waking up refreshed from my cat nap re-energised my and enhanced that state I was in. I hit the dancefloor rocking it with amazing feeling of energy. I was having fun, I was talking to people, I was rocking it to the music...it was amazing. I wouldn't say I felt like god but I wasn't far from it.

By the end of it, I had come down and I was back to feeling exhausted again. Right now I feel abit de-motivated. I know there are things I should be doing but I can't be bothered. I guess there's no excuses. I made the decision to take the pills. I knew what the consequences were and now I am paying the price for it. Right now as I am typing this I am being given this jolt to get my shit together. I have layed in bed all day and have done nothing. I'm gonna stop typing right now and hit the gym, then BJJ after.