Attraction

1. Write about how attractive you are. (write down your top 3 attractive traits, and how you can express these better)
I have come a long way as person in the past couple of years and I feel I am an attractive man. At the same time the person I once was still lives inside of me. I grew up as the skinny Asian kid. My parents couldn't afford to get me nice clothes (I wore the same nike trackies every day), my mum cut my hair (she gave me this terrible bowl cut), I wore thick glasses and I had a massive overbite (my parents couldn't afford to get me braces). I remember my parents trying to justify bad teeth by saying they're very white or if you study hard and get a good job then girls will like you. Two things. One, I really sucked at school. Two, Really? Are you fucking serious? Let's face it. If you have bad teeth, you have bad teeth. So growing up I was very insecure. Kids called me ugly and I was picked on for the clothes I wore and my bowl haircut. Back then seeing myself as an attractive man was totally out of my reality. Why would a woman want to be with me.

As I didn't have the money to fix my image, it had to wait until I was in my early 20s and had a full time job to make changes to my image. On top of that I also had the fear of what my parents would think or others would think if I were to make changes. Everytime I have made some kind of change with my image whether it was my hairstyle or what I wore, there would be some kind of argument from my parents. Having fairly traditional Asian parents, my image was kinda edgy and a bit too much for them. To me my style was based on what I saw everyone else wore. They were quick to label me as this bad person. They would say things like "that's what drug dealers look like" and I was a disgusting person.

I got braces at 21 and didn't have them off till I was 24. Being an adult with braces made me very self conscious. Not only did I have braces but I also had fancy appliances and elastics attached to them. So opening my mouth alone was scary for me. I didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone and I would shy away from any social situation. It was funny when I finally got my braces off. I hadn't really smiled ever in my whole life because of the arrangement of my teeth. The orthodontist took a photo of me so they could compare before and after photos. They told me to smile. I basically opened my mouth and showed my teeth. I had no idea how to smile. The orthodontist would say a few jokes to get me to smile. It took me a while before I was able to smile easily.

I also took up bodybuilding and martial arts to improve my overall image. When I thought about Asian men in general, I saw them as quite feminine and almost weak. They represented an image of the type of people who get rolled over. I wanted to get away from that stereotype so I pumped weights like a maniac. In high school I weighed 54kg. At 22 after two years of weight training, I became as big as 90kg. I was a beefcake.

I think the changes in my image in my early 20s came from a place of insecurity. I felt this need to impress. Whether it was wearing flashy clothes or having super huge muscles but I think it was scaring people away. I think there was this massive incongruency. He I was trying to be this macho guy but deep down inside I was this fragile, emotional and insecure person. I spent my early 20s thinking that all this external change would make me feel better on the inside and make me more attractive but in reality it made me feel empty, depressed, miserable, lonely...

I made these changes in my image to impress people and I felt having achieved this change would make me attractive to women. They weren't. No one even cared. Women still didn't know I existed. I still wasn't seen as attractive. I guess I was scared to address my internal issues that I figured if I become perfect externally then I won't have to address these problems. Boy was I wrong!

Over time I started to look internally to become more attractive. Finding out who I am, what I stand for, what my purpose is in life. I started going out with the purpose of having fun rather than to be seen in the hope someone will find me attractive. I started giving myself the permission to express myself emotionally. Yes, women did find me fun to be around but I still didn't have the balls to go anywhere with women.

I got into pick-up to develop the skills to attract women. Before I got into pick-up I had never ever had the balls to approach a woman. Normally they would approach me and even then I had no clue what to do. Pick-up have given me the confidence to approach women. To be more of a risk taker. To become someone who goes after what he wants. Though I may not have the life I desire, to get as far as I have coming from where I was a year ago requires courage to address my own personal demons, faith to believe that my life will change for the better and confidence to know that I will follow through.

From the journey I have gone on so far I think my main attractive qualities are:
Courage
- I had to address my own personal demons and I feel this is a quality I can relate well to others and I feel this can draw people to me. I have also taken some social risks to become more social and more attractive to women. I feel the need to take more social risks. Demonstrate that I am a man who goes for what he wants.

Faith
- I feel my positive outlook and the fun vibe I give off rubs well on others. I want others to have fun and it's only natural for others to have fun if you're a fun guy. I need to put myself out there more often to show women how fun I can be. I know women enjoy my company.

Confidence
- I am comfortable in expressing my vulnerabilities as well as my strengths. I feel when I express myself, I am coming from a place of strength rather than a place of neediness or weakness. I don't necessarily feel the need to brag or impress people. I feel the need to give value to others. I feel that when I am coming from a place of giving my confidence shines through. I feel taking comes from a place of fear and when I am coming from that place, my insecurities will shine through.

I also think as well as these three qualities, I feel that being on a journey and being able to demonstrate that I have been on a journey and that it's just the beginning is also attractive to women. If I have built a connection with a beautiful woman and she is attracted she will look for ways to fit into this journey of mine.

2. Find ways to feel more attractive in yourself. (make sure to find at least 2 ways)
I feel most attractive when I am well dressed. Not just well dressed but dressed in a way which I feel gives me a sense of presence. I tend to dress in classic fitted clothing and I feel it sends off this warm yet intense sort of energy. When I'm picking out an outfit i tend to think Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Roger Federer, Justin Timberlake (post N'Sync), Brad Pitt, George Clooney, David Beckham. The way they dress gives gives off this warm presence. I sometimes walk as if I am one of those guys. I also add accessories to my outfit to add character and uniqueness to my image. I feel no-one is like me. I am the sexiest man on the planet :)

I flirt with myself in the mirror. I say things like "hey cutie!" or "Me! Yeah, I'd fuck me!" or "If I wasn't late for work I'd kiss you right now." Throw in a few winks and a cheeky smile. I also like to flex and dance in front of the mirror.

3. Find ways to feel more comfortable with yourself. (make sure to find at least 2 ways)
Find people to open myself upto with no fear of judgement. People who are on the same path as me.

Find activities which allow me to express myself fully. I love martial arts and dancing. I need to do it more.

4. Feel how much of yourself you are sharing with women you meet. (write about how much of “you” that you are sharing with women)
I feel that I don't share much of myself with women. I feel with the women I have opened up to in the past, they have taken advantage of it and I have ended up being hurt. As I have become more confident and more comfortable with myself, I find that I have been more open and honest with women. I feel that in the past I was coming from a place of scarcity. I was needy and insecure. Now, even though I may not have an abundance of women in my life yet, I feel I am being open but coming from a place of strength. Demonstrating that I have a past and it has made me the man I am today. Now when I am hurt by someone who I have opened up to, I don't go through a period of self-sabotage but accept the pain as the price to pay in being able to experience something amazing.

I find it hard to express myself at first but once I build a level of trust with someone and we build a connection I can really open myself up. I feel in order to be more successful with women, I need to be more proactive and open myself up first. Women are like a mirror and they will only open up as much as you do.

5. Think about ways to increase the spark with women you meet. (write at least 2 ways to give a better first impression)
- Be more honest and direct with them. I think confident, intelligent, creative, fun, spontaneous and incredibly beautiful women are highly socially intuitive that they know when I am trying to pick them up. I feel they get sick of me because I am being indirect even when I open direct. I think if I can be more honest with my intentions and my desires with them I will increase the spark. I seem to build attraction well right off the bat so why not continue it :) and if they reject me then they weren't confident enough to be with me in the first place.

- Talk slower, louder, deeper. Also move slower and more purposefully. I feel that sometimes I can be abit too high energy that it scares the girls off or I become the entertainer guy. I think being able to vary the speed which I talk as well as how I move will be very effective when I am with women. I think being able to slow things down and be comfortable with it, especially in a high energy environment, demonstrates massive confidence and will have a high impact with women. Back to fashion...think Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Roger Federer, Justin Timberlake (post N'Sync), Brad Pitt, George Clooney, David Beckham (voice not so much).