How am I feeling today?

I've been up since 2 this afternoon. I have just come off night shift. I am feeling abit restless. I know there is something I need to do but I'm not doing it. Something just doesn't feel right. I was sitting here for the last few hours scanning facebook and forum sites. Knowing there is nothing new to see but yet I feel compelled to browse through them as if something super exciting is about to happen. The internet is toxic. It is masturbation in the digital form. I know deep down inside that this is the case but I'm fighting with my ego. The ego is telling me I'll be more comfortable if I do nothing. I have a tendency to procastinate alot. I tend to dream alot. I don't feel it's a bad thing. I feel during these moments I get alot of clarity. But there are times I do it way too much to the point that it consumes me and I lay in my bed doing nothing.

Just before typing this, I had this sudden urge to get a few activities done for the week. I went over this with Matt the other day:
- Update my resume
- Apply for $100k jobs
- Buy Smart investor magazine
- Find something competitive
- Meet some hot blondes
- Speed dating

I guess what I'm missing at the moment is some excitement in my life. I am missing the sense of escape. I feel like I am not living my life in alignment with my core values. I miss being competitive. I feel by nature I am a competitive person. I feel it when I am losing in a game of pool, I feel it when I am sparring in tae kwon do, I feel it when I am at work, I feel it when I am amongst other guys from the pick-up community. I really miss that feeling of competition. I think to some degree I have associated guilt behind being competitive and wanting to extract the best out of myself. I don't think I can pinpoint a moment though I can think of times where guilt or judgement was bestowed upon me when wanting something amazing for myself. I guess alot of this came from alot of negative anchors in my life. My family, as much as I love them dearly, I associate alot of negative anchors with them. Growing up we didn't have alot of money. I felt very insecure in my teenage years because I couldn't wear the clothes the cool kids wore. When I did have money I had this fear of going shopping to buy clothes because in the back of my head there was a fear that I would be judged for wanting to change. I have created an identity for myself where I felt I had gone too deep and to change would be sabotaging myself. I would always reason with myself that this is who I am and I am comfortable with who I am. Deep down I knew this was never the case. I would look around and watch people enjoy the things that I wanted. Money, women, sex, friends, status... I know what I wanted but I was always worried what would happen if I were to change. What would people think of me? What if my friends don't like me? I'm lonely, I can't afford to lose friends.

Right now I can say I am comfortable in knowing that the changes I'm making to myself are for the better. I have to constantly remind myself that I have to continue taking action and take action. Whether big or small to transform myself. I know my past was a dark place. I know what would happen if I was to continue on that path. I know that I would be lonely, angry, restless, depress, miserable. The path I have now chosen scares me to death and I feel like I'm fighting with myself to breakthrough. There are times where I feel like something amazing is brewing but it seems to take longer than I want it to. It almost feels like I'm expecting some kind of explosion to happen and "POW!" my life is awesome. I must admit I do feel miserable about it but I know I need to keep chipping away at it.

The past few days I have been feeling really tired and have kind of been using it as an excuse to not do anything. I'll think to myself. I do it when I have abit more energy. I'll do it after I have a nap. I know deep down inside I won't. I feel the past few months I have been sabbotaging myself because of it and it has to change. So now that I am going to finish this off. I'm going to jump on my bike and get my workout done. I have done just about all the tasks that Matt has got me to do this week and I feel it is all coming into alignment with what my values are and what I stand for. I don't think much of what I am typing makes much sense but I felt the need to clear what ever thoughts I had going on in my head.

Khoi

As I am typing this, I've only had 4 hours sleep so forgive me if this seems all over the place. I was woken up by a text this morning. It was from a girl I used to see. We had hung out the night before:
"Shame you had to leave before I could say thanks...I wanted to tell you I think everything happens for a reason, before we met I wasn't sure what I wanted & you've helped me to figure it out. I hope you can understand that while I can't maintain our friendship I'm so greatful we met. x"

I met her a few months back and we developed a strong bond together. Someone who is smart, funny, quirky, ambitious, grounded in her core values... I must admit I had feelings for her. Even though we were people from two different worlds we seemed to have some kind of connection.

I'm sitting here not knowing what to think. Part of me says "it's OK. There's plenty of women out there." While that may be true I can't help but feel gutted by this.

Pushing it to the limit...

18/05/2010: Melbourne CBD

The last month I have seen massive progression in my daygame. I am approaching women and I am regularly getting numbers from incredibly beautiful women. The problem I have been having though is they are flaking on me. 71 approaches, 14 numbers and only one day 2. I was having a chat with Matt the other day and he suggested reading stuff from grungey10 and to watch the no flakes dvd from Vin DiCarlo. Both very good. It gave me things to be aware of next time I'm out in field. Last week there were a few interactions where I thought I could have taken the conversation further or even go on instadates but there was abit of anxiety in pulling the trigger. With this in mind I went out today with the intention if pushing things further.

Approach #1: Hot blonde
I was on my own today and I hit my usual spot at Bourke St mall. As I was walking up there I was already feeling alot of anxiety. There were plenty of beautiful women out in force and I couldn't get myself to approach. Anyway I'm sitting on the bench in front of sportsgirl and I was for something amazing to come along and there she was! A beautiful tall blonde. She was elegantly dressed. There was this burning feeling inside of me. I knew I had to go. So I ran after her and she stopped at the traffic lights. I waited for her to cross the road so I could approach. "Excuse me. I know this is kind of random but I just had to come talk to you because you're really beautiful. My name is Khoi." My eyes were locked in like lasers and she opened up pleasantly. I asked her what she was upto and she said it was her birthday and she just got her nails done. I gave her a hi-5 (should have gone for a hug). We kept talking for abit. Turns out she's from Brisbane to see some friends. She then says she has to get going and she offers her number to me. So I'm like OK. Now I'm in a terrible situation. I totally forgot her name. I don't know if I should contact her. Maybe I should :) Fuck it! I will.

Approach #2 and #3: Artsy redhead and whoops! Artsy redhead again.
I see a gorgeous blonde walk along Bourke St and I go after her. She jumps on the tram before I can reach her. If I went for her seconds earlier maybe the situation would have been different. Anyway, I keep walking and I spot a gorgeous redhead walk past me. I walking a few paces more. I'm in my head but then I'm like fuck it! I turn back and run after her. I open direct and she responds well. We exchange abit of banter. She's in a rush for uni so I go for the close. She says she has a boyfriend so I leave it at that.

I'm back sitting at the bench in front of sportsgirl and I spot a gorgeous red head. I'm thinking to myself damn! and go after her. I open "excuse me" then "whoa". It was the same girl. I had abit of a chuckle and said "I must say I have consistently great taste in women" with a cheeky smile. We kept chatting for a bit then I let her go.

Approach #4: I don't think this counts but I'll mention it anyway
Hot blonde. Sexy business suit. "Excuse me." Her "No." She walks off.

Approach #5: Sexy brunette in silk jeanie pants
I meet up with a few lair guys (Darryl, Jonathan and Sammy) we've done a lap of the city and end up in front of sports girl. I see sexy jeanie pants walk out and I go after her. I open direct and she was very receptive. I think I'm now at the stage where I have my direct opener down. I just have to focus more on transitioning and building a connection.
Me: What adventures are you upto today?
Her: I'm off to uni
Me: I'm guessing accounting
Her: No far from it. I'm in architecture.
Me: I take it your someone who is right brained. Someone who is creative...
Her: yeah...
Me: I have a friend who works in architecture. She works for one of the large firms. I can't remember what it's called... It's amazing how much goes into making buildings... Is it something you always wanted to do?
Her: yeah
Me (What I wanted to say but didn't quite come out right): WOW! Not alot of people have the courage to do what they dream of doing. We all get caught up in the madness of reality that we all forget the power of our dreams.
Her (back to reality): Yeah...
Me: Look I'll let you go. You're not a serial killer are you?
Her: No! Are you?
Me: Yes! I'm also a rapist and neo-nazi. Let's exchange details and we'll catch up sometime.
Her: I'm not sure my boyfriend would approve.
Me: Cool! We'll be best friends.

We exchange facebook details and we part ways.

Approach #6: Rubi shoes girl.
I join the lair guys at the bench in front of sportsgirl. Jonathan is on the bench across from us talking to this cute artsy looking girl and seems to be doing incredibly well (honestly, I can't see why he is doing this. He doesn't seem like the guy who would have trouble with girls). I spot a gorgeous brunette walk out of Rubi shoes. I go after her and open direct:
Me: "I know this is kinda random but I thought you were really beautiful I had to come say hi. My name is Khoi."
Her: "Thankyou. I'm K" (not disclosing the name for obvious reasons)
Me: "What adventures are you upto today?"
Her: "I'm on my work break."

Turns out she works at Rubi shoes.

Me: "Cool where are you off to?"
Her: "I'm off to maccas"
Me: "Cool! I'll join you. You know those things will make you fat?"

Instadate! I left with a big smile on my face. She was an awesome girl. Confident, fun, ambitious, shared similar interests... Definitely someone I want to see again.

Approach #7: Gorgeous brunette
I go look for the lair guys and they're at the bench in front of sportsgirl. This time I've noticed Jonathan has gone on an instadate and Reuben and Dean have joined up. I'm abit paranoid about being in front of sportsgirl seeing as Rubi shoes right next to it. So we move further up Bourke St and sit in front of ANZ (???). Anyway I spot a gorgeous brunette walk past and Reuben sees what I see notices me react. He tells me to go so off I go. I open direct.
Me: "I know this is kinda random but I thought you were really beautiful I had to come say hi. My name is Khoi"
Her: "Thankyou. I'm E"
Me: "What adventures have you been upto today?"
Her: "I was at a training course today...It's been tiring"
Me: "I'm guessing you're an accountant"
Her: "No. I was doing a course for Revlon. I work for a pharmacy."
Me: "Revlon? but I thought...
Her: "Yeah but we also sell makeup"
Me: "OK. So you're a drug dealer"
Her: "Yeah you could say that"

Here I go for the number close but I don't think it's solid. We'll see how it goes.

Approach #8: Indie brunette
It's been a long day. The guys are in need of a coffee. Sammy, Reuben and I head to Starbucks. I'm not much of a coffee person so I get a water. While Sammy and Reuben are waiting, I spot a sexy indie brunette walk into the arcade. I walk after her and she stops at the ATM. So I wait... As soon as the walks off I follow her and open direct. I can't remember exactly how it went but I thought it went well to the point where she had a boyfriend. I didn't push it any further.

I was really happy with how the day went. I must say one of my best day game sessions I've had.

Things to take away:
- I am becoming more aware of opportunities to take things one step further. Now it's time to act on them.
- Positive sign of things to come.

I want something like this.

I have a hard time explaining what my type is. So here's a picture. An amazing pair of legs and heels just make me go mental inside.

Last Saturday I went to Creamfields music festival. I love trance music. I always tell people that it's the soundtrack to my life. The highs, the lows, the fast bits the slow bits. I love how the music can bottle up all your emotions and take you on an emotional journey. For a good 8 hours I was dancing like a maniac, especially in the trance room. It had been an epic experience. The atmosphere, the people, the music. It always brings a tingle down my spine. By the end I'm thinking in the back of my head "maybe I should go out". "I haven't done any approaches today" "I'm too tired, I think I should go home"

I decide to drive into the city to find a place to park. Traffic was a bitch. Bumper to bumper. Driving for about half an hour I thought to myself "Fuck it! I'm going home!" So I am driving towards home and I stop my the corner of Kings St and Flinders St. While I'm waiting at the traffic lights, I spot a gorgeous pair of legs with heels waiting at the lights to cross the road. At that moment, my state changed. I thought to myself "damn!". I knew I had to go out. So the light turns green and I turn my car back into the city. I wish I could approach the finest pair of legs ever but I didn't think it was a good idea.

I end up going to Transport. I think this was probably the only place that was going to let me in. I was wearing white canvas shoes which had turned into a greeny brownish colour and my pants somehow had been ripped in the middle. I go in and start with an approach at the bar. Two party girls. They weren't having any of it. I guess I was low energy. Maybe I was abit too tired from Creamfields. Oh well, what can you do? I bump into a few lair guys...and girl (bubbles). It's always good to go to a place where you know there will be people you know. I decide to wing with a couple of guys and get into a couple of sets. I find that I'm abit uncomfortable but I'm still rolling with it. I'm abit in my head but I'm willing to do anything to snap out of it. It gets to a point where I'm doing laps around a venue so I find the Lair guys to sit and chat.

As we're chatting I spot a cute blonde bird in front of us. I open with "you look friendly, I wonder why no-one has comeover to talk to you tonight?" We share some friendly banter and after engaging her in conversation, she introduces me to her friends (and boyfriend). Despite this, I just keep rolling with it and I start engaging one of her friends. She seems to be enjoying the conversation and it seems to be flowing well. One of the lair guys joins ther group and keeps cute blondie occupied. So I'm chatting with the friend. I wasn't trying to pick her up. I just enjoyed the conversation. Not long after another friend joins in and I quickly introduce myself.

We are exchanging in some flirtatious banter. Again, I wasn't interested, I just enjoyed being social. We went on some crazy tangents. I told her I was a stripper and kinda rolled with it. For about 20 minutes we were going on and on about strippers. Male strippers, female strippers. I love talking about strippers. It allows the conversation go sexual very fast. Which it did. After a while she says "this is getting a little too inappropriate" So I'm like "let's start again. I'm Khoi" We're asking each other boring questions and it got to a point of silence. I say "this is boring! Let's talk about strippers" So the fun in the conversation is back. We chat for abit more before I decide to go get a drink.

I spot a cute brunette kinda within a group but disconnected from it dancing while scanning the venue. She's here to hook up! I'm quick to pick up on it and I approach. I give a hi-5 and do a spin with her. Like most of these girls I approach I just say in a deep voice into her ear "What's your name?" Her: "Holly" At this point I know it's on and I just have to pull the trigger once I have her where I want. One of the lair guys joins the group and starts chatting with her friend. So I keep chatting away with Holly. I start to see the lair guy lose the other girl and she walks off. Next thing I know he comes in on my target.

Motherfucker! I'm not exactly pissed but what place does this guy have with a girl I've already isolated? I think there needs to be some kind of lair talk on the basics of winging because alot of lair guys seriously don't know how to wing.
It gets to the point where Holly loses interest in the other guy and so we lose the entire set.

I approach another group of girls. They're from the Gold Coast. There was an alright looking brunette but no-one in particular I'm interested in. I'm just enjoying the interaction. It was funny because there were two other guys in suits trying to pick them up but you could see the other two guys losing it. I also have set blower come it and wing for abit but he loses one of the girls and then he's out. I keep the attention of the group abit longer until I decide to bail. It was funny. I didn't leave because I ran out of things to say, I left because I was no longer engaged. What an amazing feeling. A few months ago that wouldn't have happened.

I end the night chilling with the lair guys discussing my progress during the night. Though I left with nothing I did leave feeling like I had come a long way in the last few months and I was very pleased with that. I just have to keep trying to take things one step further every time. It all comes back to the legs and heels. It's the image which gets my blood boiling. A reminder of why I do what I do. My action trigger. The possibility of perhaps one day...wait NO! Fuck! I will have something like that. I need to take things one step further so that when I do see Miss Legs and Heels I am ready to have her.

It's been abit of a struggle

06/05/2010

As the title suggests, it has been abit of a struggle the last couple of days. It all started on Friday when I did day game and got rejection after rejection. On top of that I went out the same night and it ended up miserably. Sunday I went to the Nightcat for some salsa lessons and went to Bimbos. I had alot of fun at salsa. I feel like it's a fun version of speed dating. There isn't that clinical and serious vibe that is associated with normal speed dating. There is something about dancing. I think I steered away from dancing in the past because I was worried about what people would think "this guy is gay" or "look at this retard". I guess over the past few years I have developed a sense of comfort in my own skin. I feel like when I am dancing I am expressing myself and it is when I can freely express myself when I experience true joy.

Now back to pick-up. So on Monday I decide to hit the town and do some approaches. I am walking along Swanston St and a gorgeous blonde walks past me. I hesitate for a while but then I turn back and walk after her. As I am getting closer she turns into the next street and I am kicking myself. It's those few seconds which make a massive difference. Anyway I keep walking and go into Melbourne Central to see what's there.

Approach #1: well dressed blonde
As I am walking out of Melbourne Central, I see the gorgeous blonde again. I let her walk past a little and then I turn back and open direct. "Hi, I just had to come talk to you because you're really beautiful. My name is Khoi". She seemed very receptive but I was quite nervous and I was kinda getting in my head abit. Anyway she needed to head off so I went for the number close. She says she has a boyfriend and then I went on to use a line Alex gave me "Cool! I have a goldfish!" which got abit of a laugh and then I proceeded with "we can be best friends". Anyway I didn't get a close but it felt good to get the ball rolling.

Approach #2: Dotti girl
I meet up at Bourke St mall and I spot a cute brunette walking towards Swanston so I chase after her. I approach with my usual line. She seemed a little weirded out and as I was walking with her and she mentioned she was on her way to work. She walks into the Dotti store.

Approach #3: Whoops!
I see a gorgeous brunette from across the tram tracks. I open direct and as I open her I see a guy come over. I thought he was trying to shut me out so I kept rolling with it. We chat for abit and I go for the close. Only to find out the he is her boyfriend. Hahaha. The great thing about hanging out with other Lair guys is that we learn to make fun out of rejection and this really was funny.

Approach #4: WOW!
In terms of looks, she was my ideal woman. Slim, tall, blonde, elegantly dressed and very poise. I see her from across the tram lines and wait for her to walk past. I run after her and approach direct. She seems quite open but I got abit in my head and had trouble keeping the interaction going. I attemtped a close but she wasn't interested.

Approach #5: Cute brunette
I see a cute brunette across the road and run after her. As I'm running my opener, she is giving me the "what the fuck?" face. When she hears the second part, you're really beautiful, she instantly lights up. We have a quick chat and I go for the close but she says she has a boyfriend.

Approach #6: Owwwwww! OK! Go! Now!
I'm walking across the road towards Fed Square when I spot this gorgeous brunette. She had a face that I could melt for. I turn around and open the only way I know how. Direct! She seems very recpetive but I can see already there is abit of a language barrier. Turns out shes from Kazakhstan and is here for study. We chat for abit and I go for the number close. She gives me her facebook first but then I go for her number. It was funny as I was doing all of this because people were watching me as I'm getting this girls number and people thinking "is this really happening?"

Approach #7: Seated sets. Not my forte. This is gonna change.
I told my wing Darryl that I was going to do a seated set today. I haven't done many but I felt that this had to be done. I had a pen and pad in my pocket and I wrote on it "you're cute! do you like coffee/juice/hot boys?" I put it in front of a girl sitting down on the steps at Fed Square. I got a laugh from her and she said she wasn't interested but I kept going. She was very friendly and we continued to chat for abit. I go for the close but she says she has a boyfriend so I settle for her facebook. By far my most solid interaction all day.

Things to take away:
- Relax. You have all day and I'm sure she can wait because you're more interesting than whatever she has to do
- Quality interactions. Though I'm going for the close, whether I get the number or not, I'm not gonna secure anything unless I build some kind of connection.
- Take things one step further.
- You wouldn't have done this 12 months ago. You're making awesome progress.

My progress

I have done alot of approaches this week and I think I'm too lazy to write down each interaction and how it went so I thought it would be better to write about my progress and how I'm feeling at the moment. The last few weeks I have built alot of momentum. I'm approaching some beautiful women as well as having quality interactions with them. I've enjoyed going out on dates and I'm looking forward to going out on more.
Tim from The Naturals suggested to me a while back to put reminders on my phone outlining some milestones. I put in a while back "racehorse blonde and elegant brunette." I did achieve one and almost achieved the other. So I must be doing something right :)

I feel like at the moment I'm on the cusp of getting the success I want. I just need to be persistant and keep looking to try and learn new things. Also I need to keep journaling. I have had alot of progress since journaling my progress. I've set a few goals for the next couple of weeks. I've achieved them before so I can't see why I can't do it again. They are:
- beachy blonde
- creative brunette
- kiss close
- fuck close

Few things to remember:

- eye contact, extremely powerful
- remember to breathe while in set
- talk slower, deeper and louder
- I am one approach away from finding someone amazing :)