Being honest

Kathryn is someone I met earlier this year and we began what was a very short lived open relationship. One night I chose to hang out with the boys to pickup girls which triggered her to end it. At the time I didn't feel I had done anything wrong. We had agreed to an open relationship and I should have the right to go out and meet other girls. I was burned when she broke it off with me.

After looking at the situation in a third person perspective (I knew someone who was in the same situation) I realised the fuck up I had made. This was a few months later. She had a agreed on an open relationship and I was a cunt in going out, meeting girls and rubbing it in her face. "Look at me get other girls!" This did nothing but fuel my ego and as a result I hurt someone I really cared about.

I texted Kathryn a few months after we broke up. Explaining the realisation of the fuck up I had made. I wasn't expecting anything out of it. I just felt to some extent an apology was well overdue.

Last week Kathryn texted me asking to hang out with her. We agreed to meet at my apartment. At the time I had someone staying over. We tried to have a chat but this person staying over wouldn't give us a chance to talk. Last time I'll help someone I don't really know.

We agreed to meet last night. We had a couple of drinks and we discussed what went wrong when we were seeing each other. We cleared up alot of misconcceptions and miscommunications. I opened myself up to the truth of who I was and what type of person I was. She knew my truth already which left me with nothing but brutal honesty. She saw me for all my flaws and my strengths. It was an incredibly deep conversation we had.

We ended up at my apartment where I showed her some videos on my laptop. None of that mattered to her. She wanted to find out more about me. She wanted to uncover my deepest secrets. I would only open up a little but she knew there was more to it. I could no longer speak. She saw me for the real me and I was lost for words. She looked at me and played with my head with her fingers. Gentle and soft. I gazed into her eyes and she kissed me on the cheek. I came in close and kissed her on the lips.

We lie in my bed until 2am in the morning. She was trying to convince me to settle for a monogamous relationship but I stood my ground. I told her I would be lying to her and myself if I were to settle for her. This went on for hours but yet we still kissed till the early hours of the morning. She left saying this is going to be the last time I ever see her. As much as I knew it was going to hurt I accepted it.

I lie in bed this morning thinking about her. I could still smell her purfume on my pillow and a strand of her hair in my bed. I didn't know how to feel. Here's a woman I bared my soul to and yet I will no longer see her again. Or so I thought. I get a call from her this morning say she called a sickie and she wanted to see me. I spent the morning having breakfast with her and we agreed to give it another shot.

As I was holding her she said that the way I touch her and hold her seems different but she love it. It seems more intimate and affectionate. It demonstrated to me how much I have changed in such a short time since I was with her. Intimacy has been an issue for me in recent times and to have someone who was with me before to see me now has been a huge confidence boost for me.

The biggest thing I have got out of Kathryn was that it's OK to be honest. If you are truthful with your intentions and are true to them she will more appreciating and more accepting of you.