Work

I'm working nightshift this week so with the amount of downtime I have, I figure I catch up on my journaling and write about my thoughts. The last few months work has really been a drainer on me. I dread everyday I have to wake up and goto work. I am no longer challenged, I work in an environment where just about everyone here is miserable, I have to deal with offshore clients in India who give you the run around. I have been boxed into a role where I have created an identity which doesn't allow me to grow. This person is wimpy, submissive and takes alot of shit. I have grown as a person and I fear judgement if people were to see that person.

I feel my physiology change as I walk into my office. My voice becomes soft. I become nervous. My body language is rigid. I don't really socialise with anyone. I know this person is not me and it's killing me on the inside because I feel I can achieve alot more. Hence, why I am looking to change jobs.

In recent times I have taken a step back in applying for jobs as my department is possibly getting outsourced to another company. I want to see what comes out of it. It appears should it go ahead I will either keep my job with higher pay or get a payout consisting of three months pay. I feel getting outsourced is a win-win for me. I'll either work for a company with more opportunities to grow or I'll get a massive payout which will help wipeout my debts and start fresh elsewhere.

I have been reading a book Matt recommended to me called Power by MIchael Korda. I'm only a couple chapters into it but it has allowed me to recognise areas that have put me into the role I have boxed myself into. It has also allowed me to recognise why some people within my department have moved up quicker than I have. As a result I've made a couple of minor changes which I feel will make a big difference. One is where I sit in the office. I have observed where the high achievers at my level sit. They sit in a position where they are facing the managers. I have recently changed seats to position myself the same way they do. So far I feel it has made a difference. I felt where I was sitting before I was loaded alot of high impact work on me. This exposed me to alot of risk while others were sitting on their ass. I was more prone to making mistakes. When handling alot of risk it places alot of stress on me. This by no means is me slacking off. I feel I still have the same workload but I feel I am selective in the amount of risk I handle.

Also I feel as I was facing away from my managers I felt that they were always breathing down my neck especially during high impact tasks. I feel I sit in a position where managers have a better visibility of the problems I handle so I don't have to handle a shitload of questions and just focus on getting shit done. I hate having overheads on the simplest tasks. I just want to get things done. Recently we have been given more overheads which really piss me off. I feel that they are put in place to cover someone's arse. It's got to the point where it takes more time to deal with overheads than it is to actually get shit done. I have let it be known to my managers how I feel about them. My exact words were "this shit is retarded". I have also refused to deal with these overheads as they really are retarded. I feel you can't argue with me if I'm getting things done.

There is this one guy I've observed. He's moved up pretty quickly. I feel this is because he has created some kind of personal branding for himself within my work. When he first started he would dress in a suit and tie all the time. Even when working nightshift where everyone pretty much dresses in trackies. He copped abit of ridicule from it but it added abit of an edge on top of the fact that he is good at what he does. I may also help that he is the son in law of one of my senior managers but I feel he has moved up quick in spite of that.

I find that I tend to dress too generically at work in comparison to how I dress when I am in public, going out, etc. I felt for a long time I needed to separate my work wardrobe from my wardrobe when I am away from work. I have decided to start adding a few things to the way I dress at work to create abit of an identity. Rather than wearing trackies to work, I am starting to dress the way I would for daygame. Casual but with a touch of class.

So while I am waiting to see what happens with my work situation, I figure I can use this time to try a few things to change the perception people have of me at work. I am hoping to create a positive image which I hope to transfer to my new job.