5 things I am greatful for 29/07/2010

1. Melbourne women. The feeling I get when I see something amazing. The way they move, the way they dress. It makes me melt.
2. Limiting beliefs. They are only beliefs I have created for myself.
3. Melbourne. Best city in the world.
4. Friends who inspire me to become greater than what I am
5. BJJ. I can't wait to get back into it.

Daygame 29/07/2010: Melbourne CBD

I've only just moved into the city and I can already start to see the benefit of it. Corporate glamours! I'm in heaven. I'm working night shift this week so I tend to keep meeting girls to a minimum to get some decent sleep under my belt. After a couple of days I'm a zombie. I was taking the train home. This is great as everyone is going to work, I'm heading home. I spot heaps of sexy girls in corporate outfits. Heels and mini-skirts should be compulsory in all corporate environments. I pretty much slept on the train ride home so I didn't talk to anyone. Plus my breath reeks like shit. I'm not talking to anyone!

I arrive at Flagstaff station and jump off the train to head home. As I'm walking out, I spot a sexy brunette. Heels, mini-skirt and a fitted white coat. I follow her for abit and run negative dialogue in my head. I haven't slept. My breath smells like shit. There are too many people around. Home is just around the corner, I need sleep as I have a busy one today. This feeling of anxiety brewed in my body probably for seconds but it felt like minutes. I was about another 100 metres away from home and I thought to myself "fuck it!" I sped up and caught up with her.

"Excuse me. May I say I really love your outfit." She responds well. I try and qualify her but she says shes too tired to be thinking at this hour. I probably should have rolled with it but me being ready to fall asleep any second I wasn't quite ready to be setting her world on fire. We chat for abit and as I am about to turn to my apartment I go for the number close. Boyfriend...grrr. I graciously ejected and went back home to sleep.

12:43PM. My phone rings. I don't bother picking it up. I need some sleep. I got work tonight. A few moments later I get a text. It's from Daryl, now my roommate, it says:
Hey u awake? Town hall on swanston, get here asap! Models everywhere!

I'm trying to get myself to get out of bed. I can't. I'm too damn tired! I try to jolt myself to get up and get changed. It's kinda like in Rocky 4 when Rocky gets knocked down by Ivan Drago and Mickey yells "get up you son of a bitch!" I finally get get changed and I get another call from Daryl "Get down here quick!" "I'M COMING GOD DAMMIT! I'M COMING!" I yell.

I arrive in front of town hall and don't see Daryl or better yet where the fuck are the models? I thought I was just tripping out because of a lack of sleep so I kept walking. Maybe it's abit further up, I thought to myself. I realised I have walked too far and give Daryl a call to find out where the town hall is. I realise I did pass it. I turn and head back. As I stop at the traffic lights I spot an incredibly sexy, leggy blonde. Wearing heels, flowy white dress and a black formal sort of coat. I wait for her to cross the road and walk past me before turning around and opening.

"Hi. I know this is totally out of the blue but I think you're really beautiful I had to come talk to you. My name is Khoi." She responds well. Last weekend I did the Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals. Though very powerful stuff, I struggled to implement the principles over the weekend and I expect to take a massive dip in my game as I practice these new skills. Once I get a handle on these I'll be fucking dynamite. Seeing James and Zanna apply these principles is really an eye opening experience.

Anyway, I got to play with some of these principles and I managed to have a solid interaction with her. Turns out she was one of these models Daryl was talking about. It's fashion week and she's doing an audition. I get her number and we agree on having cupcakes. Good times!

I meet up with Daryl and Matt and tell them about what had just happened. I'm giggling like a geek who's just discovered porn for the first time. I watch as more models are walking in and out of Melbourne Town hall. I want to talk to them but I'm paranoid the girl I've just number closed will see me. After watching Matt and Daryl have a go for a bit we decide to head back to Bourke St and talk to normal civilians.

As we're walking back I spot another sexy blonde walking along Swanston. Matt and Daryl push me in there. I chase after her. I comment on her outfit. She was well dressed. Turns out I know her. I used to do salsa with her. We do abit of fluff talk before she had to get back to work.

I'm sitting at my favourite spot at Bourke St mall with Daryl and Matt. The bench across from Sportgirl, or the Black hole as I like to call it. I spot a sexy brunette across the tram tracks. Legs, heels and mini-skirt. It has me written all over it. I wait for her to cross the tram tracks and chase after her. I open direct. She responds well but I struggle to take the interaction anywhere. I go for the close anyway but she says she has a boyfriend. We chat for abit more before I eject.

I have an appointment to attend to so I have to head off. As I am walking towards the tram stop I spot a sexy corporate blonde. Again, heels, legs and mini-skirt. I run after her. I open direct and she responds well but I struggle to keep things flowing. I figure this is not going well but I go for the close anyway. No joy.

This is my first daygame session since the Low Energy High Impact workshop. I am struggling to integrate the new skills I have learned but I know once I have them down I'll be killer. I know it works and I've made it work in patches. I just have to keep practicing.

I haven't had the chance to write field reports recently as I have been really busy and for good reason. I have been meeting and dating some incredibly beautiful women. I have had some setbacks such as a girl flaking on me yesterday. It was quite painful. I felt that she was keen. But with my logistics sorted, my ever-improving skills and growing confidence I no longer see having success with women as a question of will I have success? but a question of when?

Less often do I feel anxiety in approaching girls who I consider a 10. More often do I feel comfortable in meeting and having fun, flirty and interesting interactions with beautiful women. The more I have them around me, the more I feel like I deserve to have someone of that quality. I feel I am becoming more a man who values himself but at the same time gives value to others.

Pleasing others/Seeking external validation

I feel a major source of self-sabotage has been as a result of seeking validation or trying to please others. Doing things I don't want to do, buying shit I don't need, pursuing interests which don't serve me in an effort to earn the acceptance and respect from others.

Growing up I was quiet, withdrawn and lonely. I was seen as a social outcast and this really bothered me. There were times where I wasn't sure if people knew I existed. I think they did, but they were so consumed by what others were thinking of them.

I would do anything to make friends and gain a little bit of acceptance. Even if it mean being around the wrong people. People who didn't value me as a person and took advantage of me. Even if they didn't represent the type of people I wanted to be around. I had nothing, I was prepared to grab anything I could get.

As a teenager I would look at the popular kids and would always think about what it was that made them popular. These guys were good at sports, wore fashionable clothes, they were rich. I though to myself, this is what I have to be to gain the acceptance and respect from others. Coming from a poor family, I always used to hate myself for the circumstances I was brought up in. I couldn't have the things that these guys had and I was made to feel guilty by my family for wanting them.

Someone in high school once dared me to yell in assembly. I tried it and it got everyone laughing. People wanted me to do it more and more, so I did. I would think of ways to do stupid shit in assembly, lectures or in public. I was getting peoples attention and I thought I was getting acceptance. I was wrong. I was nothing but a source of ridicule. I got acceptance at the expense of my own dignity. I carried on with this behaviour through my years at university.

I had come to the point where people around me were getting on with their lives. They were focused on finishing uni and pursuing their careers all while I was still drifting and doing stupid shit in lectures and public places. I see my peers working in well paying jobs, driving nice cars, wearing fashionable clothes, dating cute girls. I sense the feeling that people who I thought were my friends weren't comfortable with me being around. I was a loser. I had no job, I dressed like a junkie, I sucked with girls and it seemed like I had nothing going for me.

I got to a point where I was sick of being where I was at. I was making no money and I was relying on Youth Allowance to get by. Everyone was getting ahead while I was being a drifter. No-one wanted to pay attention to me. I had to do something with my life. I wanted what they had. I knew my university marks weren't gonna get me a decent job. I had to seek work experience.

I spent 6 months looking for a job and getting rejection after rejection. I didn't care. I was determined. I felt that if I had a decent job then I would get the acceptance and respect I deserved. I did get the acceptance and respect I deserved. Girls would like me. I was being invited out by people who thought I was successful. People who I felt were dull and boring. I started wearing expensive clothes and I bought a high powered sports car. It came at a cost. I put myself in debt to support this.

A few years have past since I have got my first full time job. I have worked for 3 industry leaders, I drive a BMW and dress quite fashionably. All this to gain the respect of those who are dull and boring. People who I know wouldn't give me the time of day if things were to go to shit. Sabotaging myself all in an effort to feel important and in an effort to cover up my real problems. I was quick to hang on to people who accepted me to some extent. I would be the nice guy to the extent I would be taken advantage of just to have someone like me.

The common theme of the past is that I have seeked externally to gain acceptance from others. I had alot of deep inner core issues. I feared addressing my deep core inner issues so much that I figured I could get away with it by covering it up. I had hit a point where I was swimming in debt, I was lonely and I was trapped in fear. I was a slave to society. I was angry. I was made to believe that if I had the job, money, cars, clothes then I'll get the acceptance and respect I deserve.
It never came.

In the last year I have looked internally and have addressed alot of my deep inner core issues. I have become more accepting and respectful of myself and have focused more on being more comfortable with being myself and allowing other to see that. I ask myself often "take away the money, the clothes, the job, the car...would you still be the same person?" A year ago the answer would be no. Fast forward a year I would still say no but I am more closer to saying yes.

I think in being more accepting of myself I don't need the external validation as much. I find that as I am more accepting of myself interally, people are seeking my acceptance externally.

Random goal depository

- Skydiving
- Snowboarding in New Zealand
- Snowboarding in Japan
- Learn the guitar
- Learn to sing
- Learn Salsa
- Goto Thailand
- Get a motorbike
- Become a coach
- Become selfaware
- Be more curious
- Be more creative
- Learn to surf
- Eurotrip
- become a person who is genuinely curious and gives value to others
- Dirty sex with a sexy leggy tall blonde
- Black belt in BJJ
- Become an image and style consultant
- Have a social circle consisting of models
- Spend a year in Thailand doing muay thai
- Spend a year in Thailand doing BJJ
- Spend an entire winter in Canada
-

5 things I am greatful for 27/07/2010

1. Food and water.
2. People who are there to look out for me.
3. Women who inspire me to be a better man.
4. Melbourne. The best city in the world.
5. Silence. To allow me to reflect.

I always say yes when I really mean no

This has always been a problem for me and it is becoming more of a problem for me as I am having a greater influence on others. Saying yes to everything even when I mean no. I think this comes from my desire to be liked and fear of becoming lonely. I really don't like the idea of hurting people as it leaves me with this bad feeling in my stomach.

I see myself as the type of person who goes out of his way to help others. If someone asks for my help I am happy to take time out of my schedule to do so. In more recent times it has made me exhausted and taken away from my time to develop myself. Helping others to me is a natural impulse for those who ask for it. I don't expect anything in return as I feel it is my purpose to be in service to others.

I will continue to help others, however it should not be at the cost of my own development. I think I need to learn to say no more often. I need to understand that my time is important to me and that others will not judge me for it. I am not a selfish person. I also need to understand that in the times I am developing myself, I will be better equipped to help others.

What am I greatful for 26/07/2010

1. Time and space. To allow me to reflect on how far I have come as a person.
2. Women. Not only are they a puzzle to be uncovered, they are also a source of personal exploration and discovery.
3. Melbourne. A beautiful and lively city.
4. The Naturals for opening my eyes to the world of a great seducer.
5. Food and water.

All Stars Mexico - Scores Breakdown

19/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Demonstrated sexual intent to a woman
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Focused more on moving slower and more purposefully to create more of a strong presence

20/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Focused more on moving slower and more purposefully to create more of a strong presence

21/07/2010
2000 - Achieved a goal - Moving out of home
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - wrote a post about my feelings
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs

22/07/2010
30 - I choose to remind myself every day to buy what I need, not what I
want, in order to save money. (MT)
30 - I choose to create a resume.
30 - I choose to pay myself at least 10% before paying the bills.
30 - I choose to work on my passion each week.
30 - I choose to ask for career guidance from a mentor at work to grow
professionally and personally.
30 - I choose to be less judgemental and more accepting of people.
30 - I choose to spend less than I earn.
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
20 - 5 things I am greatful for

23/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
40 - Action step towards my goal - Attended Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals

24/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Demonstrated intent to a woman
40 - Action step towards my goal - Attended Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals

25/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Attended Low Energy High Impact workshop with the Naturals

26/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
20 - 5 things I am greatful for

27/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio
20 - 5 things I am greatful for

28/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to sexual magnetism audio

29/07/2010
30/07/2010
31/07/2010

What am I greatful for? 22/07/2010

1. My parents for taking care of me for all these years. We've had our ups and downs but I am truly greatful as they have raised me to be the man I am today.
2. Women for being so beautiful, to allow me to express myself from a place of strength, to keep me on my toes, to show me what being a man is about.
3. To have friends who I feel I give value to and who I feel give value back to me.
4. Love, for without it I don't think I would see hope in the future.
5. Food, water, shelter for I am alive and surviving.

How am I feeling today? 21/07/2010

There are many thoughts and feelings going on in my head at the moment. I am finally moving out. It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'm still coming to terms with what I am going to embark on.

The last couple of days have been tough to deal with. Seeing the emotions from my parents and siblings. As much as it hurts to see them feel the way that they do, I know it is something I must do. I have felt that being at home with my parents has been a strain on me for the past couple of years and now is the time to change.

I look forward to the benefits of my independence. The quiet time I'll get to regather my thoughts, the distance to allow my heart to grow fonder, I have freedom to think independently without guilt, a place to have sex with girls... :D

It's a new chapter in my life where I feel scared but excited at the same time.

Weekly Update Sheet 17/07/2010

How did you go with the missions this week?
I feel like I was abit more energised this week and was looking to get a big score this week
.
Were the last 2 weeks a success in your mind? If so, why?
I feel they were a success as I felt I was becoming more comfortable and honest about who I am and I feel the extrinsic results really reflect that.

What do you need to change for the next week? To get better again?
I need to spend more time planning. I need to give time to myself.

What was great about “you” in the last 2 weeks?
I was being me and people loved me for it.

What were your favorite excuses during the last 2 weeks?
I'm too tired. I'll do it later. I've got other things to do.

Is there anything you’d like to get off your chest?
This week was about getting things off my chest.


Please give a field or update report below:
I enjoyed 2 dates with 2 incredibly sexy women. I felt more comfortable being around beautiful women as a result. I feel in the past I was abit intimidated by them but I realise they are human beings just like us and they want to know what I'm all about. I feel excited as I may be moving out soon. I am just waiting for one of my applications to go ahead.

All Stars Quiz

How was your effort this week?
I feel my effort was a big improvement from the last couple of weeks. I didn’t like the idea of two week missions as I felt I dropped off towards the end.

How much did you enjoy the journey this week?
I enjoyed it big time. Enjoying dates with 2 incredibly sexy women, progress with my cold approach and hunting for apartments.

Did how you felt about yourself improve this week?
I felt that I was more comfortable with my sexuality. I was able to demonstrate intent with a lot of women I spoke to. I rather be rejected being honest about my desires than to be the friendly guy.

Did you connect with any other All Stars? (how & when)
I spoke to Flowz earlier in the week and we discussed ways to smash my scores. Also spoke to Rian to discuss how to score.

Did you get 2% better this week? (please give details)
I think so. I’m not a guy who in the past would demonstrate any kind of intent. I now feel a lot more comfortable in expressing myself sexually.

How did you grow as a person this week?
I am giving myself the permission to be a man who goes for what he wants.

Improvement for today 17/07/2010

I wouldn't call this an improvement for today. This week as a result of attending a daygame workshop with Almog, I have become more comfortable in showing intent when I talk to a beautiful woman. Prime example was last night when I went to Spice Market. Just as I was about to leave I saw a stunning blonde with a zebra skin dress. I was direct and very sexual. I drew her close to me and told her how she made me feel and what I wanted to do to her.

I have always had this fear of what people would think of me. Doing something like this a few months ago just wouldn't register with me. I had this fear of coming across as sleazy. Reality was she was loving it. Unfortunately she said she had a boyfriend. Whether she did or didn't doesn't matter. I demonstrated to myself that night that I can be a man who goes for what he wants.

5 Things I am greatful for 17/07/2010

1. Women. I have a greater appreciation for them now than I ever have. They are a source for self expression and freeing myself.
2. I accept myself as a sexual being and I find myself embracing it more.
3. Late night maccas
4. Recognising that I am an influential person. A person who gives value to others
5. Love. I love myself and feel I am ready to love others.

My Fears

Fear of judgement
I think this is the source of why I don't take action. The fear of what will people think of me. What if they laugh at me or embarrass me?

Fear of loneliness
I think this has been the main driver of the decisions and actions I have made in the past year. Getting into pickup, improving my social skills, etc. I grew up introverted and had this desire to want to be liked by people even at the expense of putting me down.

Fear of poverty
Growing up with hardly any money to now being in debt as a result of purchasing material items to get acceptance from others. I have been working to pay off my debts. I have become a slave to my job and even though my job is stable, there is this fear I can lose it all.

Fear of failure
I know this is irrational because I fail all the time. That being said I fear that I will go back to the person I once was which I know is bullshit because I have grown internally.

Fear of injury
I am not as sharp physically as I once was and alot of small niggling injuries worry me. I fear exercising or training will aggravate it more.

Fear of death
I worry about what I will leave behind when I die. What legacy will I leave? What kind of influence would I have on others lives? How would I be remembered? I feel like if I died tomorrow I would leave nothing behind.

5 Things I am greatful for 16/07/2010

1. Cute, sexy, corporate girls. They illicit an amazing array of sexual fantasies.
2. KFC Hot n Spicy again...So wrong, yet sooooo right!
3. Great mastermind group of amazing people in my life
4. Meditation
5. Trance music

Personal Strengths

Your Top Character Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
Your Second Character Strength

Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.
Your Third Character Strength

Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.
Your Fourth Character Strength

Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.
Your Fifth Character StrengthYour Fifth Character Strength

Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Show All Results
Character Strength #6

Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.
Character Strength #7

Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty
You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.
Character Strength #8

Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.
Character Strength #9

Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.
Character Strength #10

Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
Character Strength #11

Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.
Character Strength #12

Forgiveness and mercy
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.
Character Strength #13

Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
Character Strength #14

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
Character Strength #15

Leadership
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.
Character Strength #16

Modesty and humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.
Character Strength #17

Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.
Character Strength #18

Social intelligence
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.
Character Strength #19

Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
Character Strength #20

Caution, prudence, and discretion
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.
Character Strength #21

Zest, enthusiasm, and energy
Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.
Character Strength #22

Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.
Character Strength #23

Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
Character Strength #24

Self-control and self-regulation
You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

Improvement for today 15/07/2010

I think what I improved today was not to beat myself up for not putting in the effort I know I can. In recent times I haven't been performing to my standards and I have been punishing myself for it. I need to learn to accept that we all have bad days and it's not a sign of me quitting. I'm still here and I'm still taking action. Any action is a step in the right direction.

5 Things I am greatful for 15/07/2010

1. Super sexy date tonight. I wish I had arranged the date earlier as thinking about her makes me go crazy
2. Trance music. I love how it makes me forget.
3. Meditation.
4. All Stars
5. Melbourne. The best city in the world...I may be biased.

Setting aside periods to mentally regroup, to think and plan.

My world is chaos. There seems to be so much things happening at one time. My thoughts are racing at 1000 miles an hour. I so concerned about work, money, girls, helping others and improving myself I just don't give myself the chance to take it all in.

I was having a chat with Matt today about my home situation. It's a place where I associate alot of negativity in my life and it takes alot out of me. Home should be a place where I can escape, feel safe, let go of all the things which are clouding my head and yet it's the last place I want to be.

I've known this for a long time. I know that as long as I am living at home with my parents I will never allow myself to become the man I want to be. I feel that my home environment is holding me back.

I see myself as a person who enjoys his own privacy and draws alot of energy in times of silence and it doesn't happen often. I live in a very loud household. People are always coming in and out and I don't seem to get the peace I need.

Everytime I would come home, whether it was from work or going out, I would sit in my car for about half an hour to an hour to clear my head and gather my thoughts before going into my house which would give me some peace. Now that I have lost my license, I don't have that luxury.

A few actions for this week to give me some time to mentally regroup, to think and plan:

- stay at a backpackers for the weekend
- download some yoga DVDs
- meditation audio
- don't fight
- find a hobby I can do at home
- avoid anything which could cause problems
- keep hunting for a new place

Grrrr...I'm gonna smash it this week. All Stars Betty Scores Breakdown

12/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went out on a date with a sexy woman
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Apartment hunting
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation

13/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Demonstrated intent in interactions with women
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went to BJJ
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography
20 - Talked to another All Star - Rian
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Read a few pages on One up on Wall Street
40 - Action step towards my goal - Started reading Power by Michael Korda
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation

14/07/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Apartment hunting
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation

15/07/2010
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
40 - Setting aside periods to mentally regroup, to think and plan.
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for jobs
40 - Action step towards my goal - Apartment hunting
40 - Action step towards my goal - Date with an incredibly sexy brunette
20 - Talked to another All Star - Flows
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation

16/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Watched videos demonstrating sexual intent
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
40 - Action step towards my goal - Watched a feature on Will Smith
40 - Action step towards my goal - Approached a sexy woman with sexual intent
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went to the gym

17/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Started reading Power by Michael Korda
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Sexual Magnetism meditation
20 - 5 Things I am greatful for
40 - Action step towards my goal - Read articles on sexuality
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Approached a sexy woman with sexual intent
20 - Spoke to another All Star - Julian

5 Things I am greatful for 14/07/2010

1. Women. To appreciate their beauty and what they bring into my life.
2. Waking up today is another opportunity to make my life better
3. KFC Hot n Spicy. Absolute bliss
4. Progression. I feel something amazing is about to happen.
5. Power. Knowing that I have the power to do amazing things and help others unlock their true power.

I couldn't escalate...grrrr!

Tonight I had a day 2 with an incredibly sexy blonde girl I met during daygame last Wednesday. We've been sending texts back and forth. Based on the vibe, she seems like someone who is very confident, flirty and very sharp. I'm not gonna lie to you I feel abit anxious about tonight. Can I really keep up with a woman of this calibre?

I tell her to meet me at the corner of Bourke St and Swanston at 6. I arrive a few hours early to do abit of daygame. For three hours I hadn't done an approach. I feel I am being complacent as I have a few dates lined up this week. Anyway time draws near and I'm feeling abit weary from all the walking so I decide to sit on a bench at Bourke St mall. I sit on the bench chilling out and getting my thoughts together before the date. I scan around from where I'm sitting and I spot Daryl walking behind me. I yell out to him and he comes over.

I tell him about my lack of approaches during the day and how I am feeling about this date tonight. I get a message from my date saying she's stuck at work and will be running 15 minutes late. Damn! It makes my nervousness even worse. Daryl and I sit on the bench and talk for abit while we wait for my date to arrive. I reply to her text saying "cool, first round is on you"

I spot her from across the tram tracks. A tall blonde wearing this white wavy dress, black leggings and these silver heels. I knew it was her. Oh no! What have I got myself into? I see her texting on her phone. I know she's texting me. A few seconds later I receive her text and walk over. As I walk closer I look at her and realise she's alot sexier than I remembered. I say hi and give her a hug and we walk to Cho Gao for some drinks.

As we were walking up there she was asking me things like what I did. She had no idea what I did but she told her friends I worked in fashion which I thought was funny. I asked her what she did over the weekend. Turns out shes a body sculptor and was in a competition. No doubt! Her body is amazing. We arrive at Cho Gao and we order cocktails. We sit on the couch and we chat for abit. There's not much distance between us and I'm hesitant to move close. She's lying back with all of her to see. Mmmmmm! When you're nervous as hell 20cm seems like 20 metres.

I do kino abit but I feel weird about it. She doesn't seem to mind it but I just can't seem to take things further. The vibe we have is really good but in the back of my head I want to make advances with her but I'm afraid to.

After a couple of cocktails she says she's starving so we head to Lion Bar for some wedges. This time we're sitting across from each other :( I keep the vibe going and she's investing in the interaction as well. We eat the wedges and then I suggest we go for a walk. We walk along Swanston and we're playfully teasing each other. I'm using abit of kino but again I'm not really taking it anywhere physically. She suggests we go for some coffee. I agree and we head to the coffee shop.

I sit close to her in the coffee shop but again I can't get myself to escalate. It's time for me to go home and we walk to the train station. She has to take the train home too. We head to my platform and we talk for abit. The train is a few minutes away. As we're talking I draw myself closer to her and establish eye contact. She gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek and says goodbye. I show both my hands and she grabs them. I draw her in close for a kiss but she turns away. I don't seem affected by it. We talk for abit more and again she hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek and says goodbye before I jump on the train.

I was kicking myself as I was sitting on the train home. I know I would have taken things further with her. That being said, in the past I have kinda got into my shell when I was with someone who is incredibly sexy, flirty and sharp as the woman I went out with tonight. I now feel more confident in keeping up with women of her calibre. I feel there is a good chance we'll be meeting again. Whether we hook up or become friends it's great to have a woman that keeps me sharp and on my toes.

All Stars Donna Scores Breakdown

28/06/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Checked out an apartment
30 - Movie of the week - Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze was the best example of sexual intent I have seen. I feel the way he demonstrates it in this movie really suits my personality and style.
29/06/2010

30/06/2010
01/07/2010
02/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
03/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Nightgame
04/07/2010
100 - Organise an event - Snowboarding
05/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Read a chapter from One Up On Wall Street
06/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Read a chapter from One Up On Wall Street
07/07/2010
210 - Listened to audio - Psychology of Winning
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went out on a date
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Richard Branson's autobiography on audiobook
40 - Action step towards my goal - Fixed my resume
10 - Look at my goals

08/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went out on a date
40 - Action step towards my goal - Job hunting
20 - Talk to another All Star - George
20 - Talk to another All Star - Rian
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography on audiobook
10 - Look at my goals


09/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Went to a job interview
40 - Action step towards my goal - setup a date with a beautiful woman
40 - Action step towards my goal - apartment hunting
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography on audiobook


10/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Apartment hunting
40 - Action step towards my goal - Journal entry where I am open about myself
10 - Look at my goals
35 - Understanding why I don't have women in my life now
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography on audiobook

11/07/2010
40 - Action step towards my goal - Daygame
20 - Talk to another All Star - Andy
40 - Action step towards my goal - Talk to someone doing the job I want to be doing
40 - Action step towards my goal - Listened to Andre Agassi's autobiography on audiobook
10 - Look at my goals
40 - Action step towards my goal - Applied for an apartment
100 - What am I greatful for x 5

Total: 1525

A disappointment as I know I am better than this. I'm looking forward to smashing All Stars this week. Watch out fellas

How do I feel at the moment? 10/07/2010

I feel things are looking positive at the moment but I can't help but think that it's all going to fall apart. I have set up dates with 2 incredibly beautiful women for next week. As excited as I am, in the back of my head there's this voice that's telling me they will flake or I'm not worthy of these women. The last few months have been a grind for me. Doing numerous cold approaches and not appearing to see any progress.

My job hunting has kind of taken a step back as well. I have felt unmotivated even though I know things will become better as a result of it. Yesterday I had a job interview which went very well and yet I still feel like my life is going to fall apart even though I have a job which is stable.

It has been a common theme in my life to look at things negatively. Even though I am very fortunate with what life has dealt me, I can help but think that it will all be taken away. I live my life feeling this everyday. Even when things are going well for me, I can't help but think that eventually it will fall apart. In the past when I have had a good thing going I find myself sabotaging a good thing. A common theme in my life.

I think what I am going through now is my ego resisting change and trying to snap back to the person I once was. In the past I would fall into these periods of self-sabotage, accept it and go in a downward spiral. I think these negative thoughts are creeping up in the back of my head for good reason. I am making changes, I am going out of my comfort zone, I am opening myself up to the world, I am allowing myself to be the man I want to be.

For someone like me to be making drastic changes to better myself and live an amazing life I have to recognise that this is a natural reaction as a result of change and I can't let these thought get the better of me.

Daygame 08/07/2010: Melbourne CBD

Apart from the terrible date I had Wednesday night, I had an awesome day so I was feeling good about my chances when I went out yesterday and on top of that I had another date. I met up with Rian at Bourke St mall. He's just joined All Stars and I figured I invite him out to hang out and meet some sexy ladies. We were both hungry so we both grab a bite and headed back to Bourke St mall. We were sitting on the bench having lunch when I spot a brunette in this sexy dark blue corporate outfit. A skirt which accentuated her sexy ass and heels which brough out her legs. She had this walk which oozes "Fuck me!". I give my food to Rian and run after her.

I stop her and comment on her outfit. She lights up and we chat for a bit. She's on her lunch break and doing abit of shopping. She's a lawyer and I tease her on it. She says she's only got a few minutes left on her break and I say "I'll be quick" and walk with her and talk some more. I ask for her number and she happily gives it to me. I text her not long after:

Me: dont work too hard kiddo :) khoi
Her: I'm never working too hard :)
Me: if you cant act the part at least look it, right :)
Her: Yeah, that's pretty much my whole life. I hate billing! (Wait! I thought she was a lawyer???)

Today
Me: quit looking at shoes and get back to work young lady!
Her: I just got the fright of my life because I literally am looking at shoes right now.
Me: i forgot to mention i have psychic powers. what excitement do you have planned for the weekend?
Her: You definitely do. I hope your exploiting that for financial gain. Heading to the football tomorrow and then going away sunday morning. You.
Me: im working night shift this weekend. i met this really cool girl on the street yesterday. i want to ask her out. what would she say :)
Her: I'd say you should take a risk :)
Me: thursday 6pm fed square. wear a cool hat.
Her: Haha I can do cool hats!

All I can think about right now is fucking her doggystyle in that sexy outfit...in an office. Getting naked is so over-rated ;)

Back to Wednesday, George from All Stars and Jono comes down to Bourke St mall. While we're talking I spot a cute blonde walk past and I run after her. She had abit of a bitch face but then did a 180 when I said she was beautiful. We talked for abit before I was beginning to run out of things to say so I go for the number close. She has a boyfriend. I keep talking for abit more then eject.

We're walking through Myer and I spot a sexy blonde in a ballerina dress and black heels. I open direct and she's really open. There's a good vibe going on between us and I go for the number close.

Her: Sorry but I'm not interested.
Me: Is it because I'm black?
Her: Haha...I hardly even know you
Me: Me too, I've only known you for like 2 minutes.

I didn't know where I could take this so I eject.

I head back to Bourke St mall and sit on the bench in front of Myer. Walking along is a sexy brunette in tight black pants and white top. I open direct and she responds well. She thought I was trying to sell her something and then go on to try sell my watch with a cracked screen which gets a laugh from her. I get a really good vibe from her and after a few minutes of chatting I go for the number close but again, boyfriend :(

There doesn't seem to be anything going on at Bourke St mall so we head to Fed Square. Jono is handing out pamphlets out for his psychology thesis. There's not much going on so I sit on the steps and chill for a bit with George while Rian and Jono are approaching. After a bit I join Rian and Jono for a chat. While we're talking I see a redhead lock eyes with me and I walk up to her. Before I open my mouth she asks "what are you guys doing?" I say "we're preaching Jesus". This is going downhill because she really thinks I'm preaching Jesus as Jono was holding pamphlets. We talk for abit and I go for the number close but with Jesus on my side there was no point. Jesus Christ!

We head off to Transport to have a few chillout drinks. It was Jono's birthday so I thought I shout him a drink. I get a call from Daryl. He's just finished work and he's at Bourke St with Carl so we decide to join them. I manage one more approach. A cute blonde. She thought I was trying to sell her something and I try to sell my watch with the cracked screen. I got for the number close again but boyfriend :(

I was really disappointed with my date on Wednesday night. I knew from the start she was someone who I didn't find attractive and I didn't see it going anywhere but yet I still went. I even paid for everything. This was the first date I've had this year where I had to pay for everything which came as a shock to me, haha. It burns even more because I knew I wasn't feeling it with this girl. I know there is talk in the community about lowering your standards while you're still developing but when I'm not feeling it I can't get myself to even try. Even if it's just practice.

Thursday night's date was abit different. I found her to be very cute and I had alot of interest from her from the start. We went to Tim Burton which was really cool...and weird at the same time. I established alot of overt kino while we were in there. We then headed to transport to have cocktails. We bought a few rounds and I was accusing her of trying to get me drunk. We were sitting on the couch which was great for building more kino. I was looking to get as close as I could. I started to notice she was mirroring me and she was comfortable with me being in her space. I knew I could have gone in for the kiss but I just couldn't pull the trigger.

After abit of chatting I suggest we go for a walk. She suggests another bar. I asked her if she's been to Spice Market. She says she's never been so we walk to Spice Market. We grab a couch at Spice Market and she gets me more cocktails. Girls paying for dates rock! Again, I accuse her of trying to get me drunk and there's alot of teasing and playful touch. I draw myself closer. I have arm around her with my fingers playing with her bra strap and my other hand is caressing hers. I lock eyes with her showing my intent and talk slower. I play with her bra strap as I am talking to her. This time I know she wants me to kiss her and this time I don't pussyfoot around and we make out.

It's getting closer to midnight and she knows I have to take train home. I'm hoping she loses track of time so that we could head back to her place. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. We walk out of Spice Market, I walk her to the taxi give her a kiss goodnight and catch the train. I feel no doubt we'll be meeting again.

I've got a couple more dates lined up next week with some really sexy girls. This ties in well with me moving out soon. Note to self. If I'm not feeling anything with a girl, don't bother. Waste of time and money.

Daygame 07/07/2010: Melbourne CBD

Today I was abit surprised. I haven't been doing much daygame recently and yet I didn't feel much anxiety. I started off at Fed Square and wondered around for a bit. Nothing around so I head to my normal spot, Bourke St.

As I am walking towards the traffic lights, I spot a gorgeous brunette wearing a white leather jacket, tight jeans and pink heels. Mmmmmmm I thought. I waited for the traffic lights to go green before I went after her. She crosses the road and I stop her.

Me: Hey I know this is kinda random but I thought you were beautiful and I had to say hi. My name is Khoi.

And sure as hell she was. She had these blue eyes which made me melt. She was quite open but there was abit of a language barrier. She was from Germany and it was her last day in Melbourne. In my head I knew I had to make quick work. I probably should have taken a chance and gone for an instadate but I thought I could push for a date later tonight. It didn't fall into my favour :(

I arrive at Bourke St but I don't see much around so I head to Melb Central. Again not much around...actually when I look back I think I did let some hotties past me but I let the internal dialogue in my head get the better of me. Anyway I'm at Melb Central and I spot a cute artsy looking brunette walk past me. I let the feelings of anxiety brew inside of me for a moment before I turned around and chased after her. She turned around before I caught up with her so I open.

Me: I saw you walk past and I had to talk to you because you're really beautiful.

She goes on about how she feels like a pirate which throws me off abit but I roll with it. She from Byron Bay and she can't stand the cold weather and I give her a hug. We chat for a bit and I go for the number close. We exchange numbers and I head off. Feeling ultra validated. (Turns out her number was some FOB Asian guy...LOL)

I head back to Fed Square. I think I must have got in my head again because I normally would head to Fed Square without making another approach at Bourke St. I meet up with Alex. He's done a few approaches during the day already. There's nothing at Fed Square so we head back to Bourke St. On our way we stop at the lights on the corner of Swanston and Collins St. Alex and I are chatting but then I spot a tall blonde in my peripheral. My head turns towards her and I walk after her.

I comment on her outfit. She's wearing a black corporate outfit. Very sexy. She says she has snuck out of work for a couple of hours. I tease her on it saying that she better be careful otherwise I'll tell her boss. She plays along with it and we get a good vibe going. I get her number and walk off.

I text her soon after:
Me: Don't work too hard kiddo :) Khoi
Her: haha thks 4 the random compliment! love that when i should be at work! u have a day off? was so thrown off by your comment didnt even ask you what you were upto!
Me: How rude! youre gonna have to make it up to me. wine and dine me monday night :)
Her: Shouldn't you be wining and dining me!
Me: well im high maintenence ;)
Her: well well playing hard to get but yet you came up to me! love the role reversal!
Me: cool you wear the pants. ill wear the skirt. i think the outfit you wore today would be perfect :)
Her: so you just want to meet up so you can wear my clothes
Me: i cant help that we have great taste
Her: you are scaring me with your cross dressing ways! im free to catch up but not swapping my clothes!
Me: ok ill compromise. 6pm monday fed square. bring a cool hat.
Her: no way u serious?! i will compromise and bring a cool pair of shoes u can bring the hat!
Me: done deal

I feel like though my text game sucks I can still get day 2's based on the initial interaction alone. A sign that I am making some progress. I really looking forward to meeting this girl. She is incredibly gorgeous.

Alex and I arrive at Bourke St. Alot of hotties walking around. I spot a beachy blonde walking past us so I run after her.

Me: Excuse me. I know this is kinda random but...I thought you were beautiful and I had to come talk to you. My name is Khoi.
Her: Thankyou. I'm B (you could see her light up)
Me: So what are you upto today?
Her: I'm off to the bank
Me: You're not robbing it are you?
Her: I wish
Me: Awesome let's rob the bank together. Then we'll flee like Bonnie and Clyde and live happily ever after.
Her: haha... so what are you upto today?
Me: I took a sickie today and I thought I go shopping
Her: sickie? that's really bad. What do you do?
Me: I'm a stripper
Her: Really?
Me: No I work in IT. I'm one of those guys who sits in the cubicles and never talks to any one

Turns out she used to work where I worked. She only worked there for a day. Then I asked her which department. Reason why I asked was because the reason why I was working where I'm at is because the person before me had worked for one day and then did a runner. True story. Got abit of a laugh from her. I go for the number close but she's not too keen on giving her number out so we exchange facebook details. Really happy with how this went even though I didn't get her number.

I join Alex again he spots a brunette to the left, I spot a blonde to the right. We break off and go for our targets. A beautiful fair skinned blonde wearing a black dress. I open direct and she instantly opens up. Turns out she's from Tassie and she's out shopping. We exchange abit of banter which seems to get a laugh from her. I go for the number close in which she says "I'm leaving in a couple of days." And I say "Cool. I'll make quick work of you." and she gives me her number...
This is the second time I've used this line and automatically each time they have given me their number... I haven't taken this far yet but I think I may be onto something.

I don't think I did any approaches after that but I was really happy with how it all went today. One thing to note, I am having trouble approaching girls who I consider my idea of a 10. I don't have trouble approaching others idea of a 10 but it seems to me the more she's my type, the more stifled I become.

I'm always doing my best, even why I know I'm not

I feel I like I may have been abit rough on myself on in the past few weeks. I feel like I have been lazy and I don't feel like I have not been making any progress towards my goals. I have felt tired and uninspired.

I have to learn to accept myself for wanting to take days off and be lazy. We all have those days. It's what makes me human. I have to stop associating guilt for not taking action towards achieving my dreams.

I know in my heart I am giving it my best. I am not a failure for taking a day off. I am by no means giving up. This is a life long journey and sometimes it's OK to take a break.

5 Things I am greatful for 06/07/2010

1. Brunettes
2. $350 worth of myer gift vouchers
3. Recognition for my efforts
4. Pizza
5. Love, the feeling of surrender

Missed opportunities

I am excited. Not because of my lack of results recently but my discoveries that I have made as a result of no results. Saturday night I went to Syn Bar for a friends birthday. Initially, I wasn't even going out. I was sick, exhausted and I had snowboarding the next day with Matt (carpe_diem). I get a call from my friend, Van. He's just broken up with his now ex-girlfriend and he needed a friend. I told him I'll get changed and I'll be in the city in an hour.

I arrived at Noble Park station and only just missed the train. I had to wait another half hour before the next train came.

Once I got on the train I put on some self-help audio. I've been doing All-Stars and there's alot of self-help audio but I haven't been able to find the time to listen to them. I've recently lost my license so I have no choice but to take public transport so I use the time I spend on the train to listen to them. The train stops at Oakleigh and in comes a cute brunette in a long coat and black skirt. She sits front of me. I could no longer focus on what I was listening to. I had to talk to her. I'm sitting on the train fighting with my internal dialogue. Reasons of why I should/shouldn't talk to her. I really hate this.

I notice she starts untying her hair and redoing it so I open "you look like you have someone to impress". She smiles and she opens up. Luckily she didn't have anyone to impress. We chat on the train for abit and got a few laughs from her. She also starts to invest and wants to find out what I'm upto tonight and what I do...

We get closer to her stop and I go for the number close. She puts her number in my phone and she gives me her phone to put my number in hers. She jumps off the train and I smile knowing people were watching me as all this was unfolding. Feeling super validated. Just he jumps out 2 glamour girls come over and sit next to me, a blonde and a redhead. "What trouble are you guys plotting tonight?" I get a laugh from them. I'm thinking dumb club chicks.

I really like the blonde so I tease and flirt with her a bit. She's loving it and so is the friend. The blonde starts throwing abit back and we exchange abit of fun banter between us. We arrive at our stop and she says "have a great night". At the time I wasn't thinking much of it.

My friend, Van, is waiting at Transport so I head there. I walk to the traffic lights across from Fed Square. While I'm waiting there the girls from the train stop beside me. "Hey are you guys stalking me?" We walk together to Transport and exchange abit of banter. We get to Transport and I tell the bouncer "watchout for these two. They're nothing but trouble". I wait at the entrance and say goodbye to the girls. Looking back I should have at least number closed.

I ask the bouncer if I can chill at the front while I wait for my friend. "Sure thing. Wait under the heater." While I'm waiting I see a cute blonde with short hair and a leopard skin jacket looking at me. I lock eyes and say hi. She seems really cool. We chat for abit before Van comes in. Again, I probably should have gone for it.

Van brings a friend along, he seems like a cool guy. We head off to Syn Bar. We walk in and it was empty. Nothing except people here for my friends birthday. It consisted mainly of couples. I say hi to my other friends and we hit the dancefloor. I think at the time we were the only guys on the dancefloor.

After a while people start joining us at the dancefloor and more people are entering the venue but not a lot. If it wasn't for the birthday party I think there would have been less than 10 people in the venue. I sport 2 cute brunettes step onto the dancefloor. One wearing a leather jacket and stripey dress and the other with a shiny sequin dress and a cream coat. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I had to talk to her. I tell one of my friends I have to talk to her. We get in their proximity and dance for abit. In my peripheral I'm watching her waiting for the right moment to open.

I turn around and comment on her dress. We talk for abit and I grab her hand, spin her and draw her in close. One of my other mates is talking to the other girl and seems to be doing ok. I dance for abit with the shiny dress girl before her friend takes her away from me. I'm thinking I must have been abit too agressive. I must have fucked up. I think they were the only girls worth talking to that night. Most of the other girls were with their boyfriends. Van asks me if he can have a go. I say sure. "I think I'm out"

I hang out with my friends at the dancefloor but get abit tired so I head out to the smoking area to get some fresh air. I walk out and see Van and his friend talking to the brunettes and decide to join them. Van seems to have a great vibe going. I have my eyes on shiny dress girl. She seems to always have her eyes on me everytime she is talking. I kinda freak out a little not sure if she is into me or not. It's past midnight and I can't afford to miss the train. I've got snowboarding the next day and I think Matt would kill me if I bailed. I say goodbye to everyone and head home.

Snowboarding was awesome. A few bumps but still a great day. I arrive home and notice a few missed calls from Van. I call him up and find out he hooked up with the other brunette. According to Van shiny dress girl was asking about me when I left. Van and his friend took the brunettes to his place that night. His friend could have got some action from her that night but freaked out. She told him she was horny and yet he still didn't go for it.

I can't help but think that could have been me with the shiny dress girl that night. I never took the chance so I will never know. That being said, in the moment I come up with excuses for not taking a chance and going after what I want. It's a terrible feeling thinking about what could have been and this should serve as motivation to man up and pull the trigger.

5 things I am greatful for 05/07/2010

1. Snowboarding
2. My heatlh and fitness
3. Fear - I know I am alive and for great reason
4. New beginnings
5. Missed opportunities - I've had a few in the past few weeks and it has made me realise what an amazing person I am or could be.

5 things I am greatful for 01/07/2010

1. Shelter
2. Warm bed to sleep in
3. KFC hot n spicy
4. An amazing support group of awesome guys
5. Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze demonstrated the best example of sexual intent.